Lost in sadness
Active Member
So, today I feel really really tired and emotional. My son got paid £1,800 for his last pay. You may recall the deal we had....we would pay his rent until he got paid, then we would pay his court fine etc and he would pay us back but he went back on the deal and changed his bank passwords. I was so angry and hurt. I trusted him.
I also asked him to pay a months rent to secure the roof over his head as he has no idea how long it will be before he gets a job.
I saw him two days ago, I went to his house, he had only just got up and showered and it was around 3pm in the afternoon. I cannot see much job hunting going on. He proceeded to show me a load of new clothes from Hugo Boss, new aftershave...oh and a new playstation! again! Now, its not that he cannot 'treat' himself but he now has no job!!! I had gone over to let him use my laptop to do some online tests sent to him by a recruitment agency. He was so agitated with the tests. He completed them and then I told him to ring back the recruitment agencies that had been in touch, he did. He told me he was surprised by how much money he actually had left. I doubted it but said nothing other than I was pleased because it may be a while before he got a job. I took all his washing away.
Yesterday, I called round to drop all his washing off. He ignored my calls until I told him I had his washing and he came straight out. He has an interview on Friday. He had cancelled other appointments with recruitment agencies as he believes he now has a job. Last night I was just checking his emails to see he had replied to all of the agencies as agreed and in his deleted folder were a number of applications for payday loans! I am devastated. He has clearly spent £1,800 in less than two weeks! and now he has obtained loans with no job!! WHAT??!! I sent him an angry "you are so stupid" text! He ignored it but deleted all his emails and then ordered a takeaway! I just do not know what to do to help him. I have no idea if he is paying his rent, or if he paid his court fines, he owes us hundreds, rent arrears of a couple of thousand and now this!
I feel trapped in this. A responsibility to be here for him as I love him and he is my son but equally I just want to move away and pretend he doesn't exist. If only it didn't hurt so much. I don't know how to be there for him. I feel I should just leave him to it now but I cannot sleep with worry. Christmas is coming and I am absolutely dreading it! Dreading being in his company, dreading the potential upset and drama but reluctant to say he cannot spend it with us. It goes on and on and on....
What does everyone else do at Christmas? When is the time to walk away? xx
I also asked him to pay a months rent to secure the roof over his head as he has no idea how long it will be before he gets a job.
I saw him two days ago, I went to his house, he had only just got up and showered and it was around 3pm in the afternoon. I cannot see much job hunting going on. He proceeded to show me a load of new clothes from Hugo Boss, new aftershave...oh and a new playstation! again! Now, its not that he cannot 'treat' himself but he now has no job!!! I had gone over to let him use my laptop to do some online tests sent to him by a recruitment agency. He was so agitated with the tests. He completed them and then I told him to ring back the recruitment agencies that had been in touch, he did. He told me he was surprised by how much money he actually had left. I doubted it but said nothing other than I was pleased because it may be a while before he got a job. I took all his washing away.
Yesterday, I called round to drop all his washing off. He ignored my calls until I told him I had his washing and he came straight out. He has an interview on Friday. He had cancelled other appointments with recruitment agencies as he believes he now has a job. Last night I was just checking his emails to see he had replied to all of the agencies as agreed and in his deleted folder were a number of applications for payday loans! I am devastated. He has clearly spent £1,800 in less than two weeks! and now he has obtained loans with no job!! WHAT??!! I sent him an angry "you are so stupid" text! He ignored it but deleted all his emails and then ordered a takeaway! I just do not know what to do to help him. I have no idea if he is paying his rent, or if he paid his court fines, he owes us hundreds, rent arrears of a couple of thousand and now this!
I feel trapped in this. A responsibility to be here for him as I love him and he is my son but equally I just want to move away and pretend he doesn't exist. If only it didn't hurt so much. I don't know how to be there for him. I feel I should just leave him to it now but I cannot sleep with worry. Christmas is coming and I am absolutely dreading it! Dreading being in his company, dreading the potential upset and drama but reluctant to say he cannot spend it with us. It goes on and on and on....
What does everyone else do at Christmas? When is the time to walk away? xx