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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
When is it ok to walk away?
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 724636" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>I agree 100% with SWOT.</p><p></p><p>I would add that if your son could independently get and maintain a job and an apartment for some period of time, any sudden inability to keep up his obligations and promises should be viewed with suspicion. Payday loans are a bad sign.</p><p></p><p>Your keeping tabs on his bank accounts and online activity speaks to your suspicions. But if you have already confronted him about what's going on, and he is not transparent, spying and further confronting is not a winning strategy, in my experience. </p><p></p><p>I would allow the natural consequences to flow from his actions, including any you agreed to deliver if he did not pay rent, etc., regardless of the reasons for his actions. I would demonstrate sympathy and a willingness to support him in addressing whatever his real issues are. And I would only bridge him, if he understands and is working on his issues, and that work is verifiable.</p><p></p><p>My son is very skilled in the game of cat and mouse. Basically, he thinks that if his parents do not know what he's doing, then they are not entitled to make decisions based on their best guesses or worst suspicions, even if all other indicators point to addiction. That's why the neutral boundary is paramount to maintain. Addiction will reveal itself as those boundaries are enforced, and you will keep your hands clean.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 724636, member: 19290"] I agree 100% with SWOT. I would add that if your son could independently get and maintain a job and an apartment for some period of time, any sudden inability to keep up his obligations and promises should be viewed with suspicion. Payday loans are a bad sign. Your keeping tabs on his bank accounts and online activity speaks to your suspicions. But if you have already confronted him about what's going on, and he is not transparent, spying and further confronting is not a winning strategy, in my experience. I would allow the natural consequences to flow from his actions, including any you agreed to deliver if he did not pay rent, etc., regardless of the reasons for his actions. I would demonstrate sympathy and a willingness to support him in addressing whatever his real issues are. And I would only bridge him, if he understands and is working on his issues, and that work is verifiable. My son is very skilled in the game of cat and mouse. Basically, he thinks that if his parents do not know what he's doing, then they are not entitled to make decisions based on their best guesses or worst suspicions, even if all other indicators point to addiction. That's why the neutral boundary is paramount to maintain. Addiction will reveal itself as those boundaries are enforced, and you will keep your hands clean. [/QUOTE]
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When is it ok to walk away?
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