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General Parenting
When My Mother Stopped Enabling Me....
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<blockquote data-quote="HMBgal" data-source="post: 729049" data-attributes="member: 13260"><p>BBU. Well, you're post is timely for me. I'm raising my 41 year old daughter's two children, one of which has pretty significant problems. She has depression and problems of her own, so I bailed her out of jail and paid all of her attorney fees when she got busted for shoplifting and meth possession 15 years ago. Perfect drug for a depressive person with ADD. She stayed clean, got married to an extremely difficult man, divorced, and both of them just basically gave the kids to us. Not legally, though. </p><p></p><p>The daughter hasn't worked for over two years now. She gets jobs (dental assistant) because she's bright, attractive, etc., but gets fired within a week because she can't be on time. Anywhere. Ever. Even misses her son's IEP meetings, etc. She let her car insurance, registration lapse, and racked up parking tickets ($150 apiece, thank you very much). No health insurance because she can't get it together to fill out the forms. Was owed lots of unemployment benefits, but never got her butt to the office or online to fill out the forms. </p><p></p><p>Paying rent? Pfffft. I paid for a while (and in our area, $2k a month gets you a studio). She used the pittance her ex sent her for child support (1/4 of what he should be paying) for living expenses. The kids were living with us, so she partied on it. Then he stopped paying child support for reasons of his own, (perhaps because his new wife has four children). Dunno. Don't care.</p><p></p><p>I finally said enough a few months ago. No more rent help from me. And guess what? She got evicted last week. Everything she owns is sitting out in the driveway of that apartment building, soaking wet. She's couch surfing. She can't stay with us, and she hasn't even asked. I'm surprised the kids haven't asked us why she can't stay with us. Her credit is beyond destroyed, so it's doubtful she will have a place of her own for a long, long time. </p><p></p><p>I did pony up $2,400 to get her car insured for six months, pay for the tickets, and get her car registered. She drives my grandchildren around on occasion. And I just couldn't sleep at night knowing that her car would be impounded and the city would end up owning it. I just couldn't go that far. </p><p></p><p>I hope my daughter will get it someday. She does for a few days and says the right things, then it's off the rails again. Makes the dumbest decisions that go against her best interests and what she needs to do every time. I'm having to let her go and live her own life her own way and minimize the impact on the kids as much as I can. But her 11 year old son is having a hard time with it as he grows into understanding things more.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HMBgal, post: 729049, member: 13260"] BBU. Well, you're post is timely for me. I'm raising my 41 year old daughter's two children, one of which has pretty significant problems. She has depression and problems of her own, so I bailed her out of jail and paid all of her attorney fees when she got busted for shoplifting and meth possession 15 years ago. Perfect drug for a depressive person with ADD. She stayed clean, got married to an extremely difficult man, divorced, and both of them just basically gave the kids to us. Not legally, though. The daughter hasn't worked for over two years now. She gets jobs (dental assistant) because she's bright, attractive, etc., but gets fired within a week because she can't be on time. Anywhere. Ever. Even misses her son's IEP meetings, etc. She let her car insurance, registration lapse, and racked up parking tickets ($150 apiece, thank you very much). No health insurance because she can't get it together to fill out the forms. Was owed lots of unemployment benefits, but never got her butt to the office or online to fill out the forms. Paying rent? Pfffft. I paid for a while (and in our area, $2k a month gets you a studio). She used the pittance her ex sent her for child support (1/4 of what he should be paying) for living expenses. The kids were living with us, so she partied on it. Then he stopped paying child support for reasons of his own, (perhaps because his new wife has four children). Dunno. Don't care. I finally said enough a few months ago. No more rent help from me. And guess what? She got evicted last week. Everything she owns is sitting out in the driveway of that apartment building, soaking wet. She's couch surfing. She can't stay with us, and she hasn't even asked. I'm surprised the kids haven't asked us why she can't stay with us. Her credit is beyond destroyed, so it's doubtful she will have a place of her own for a long, long time. I did pony up $2,400 to get her car insured for six months, pay for the tickets, and get her car registered. She drives my grandchildren around on occasion. And I just couldn't sleep at night knowing that her car would be impounded and the city would end up owning it. I just couldn't go that far. I hope my daughter will get it someday. She does for a few days and says the right things, then it's off the rails again. Makes the dumbest decisions that go against her best interests and what she needs to do every time. I'm having to let her go and live her own life her own way and minimize the impact on the kids as much as I can. But her 11 year old son is having a hard time with it as he grows into understanding things more. [/QUOTE]
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