I am reading the book, When our grown kids disappoint us, and it's been very helpful. There is one part of the book which made me think of all of you wise warriors on this site and the stages we all go through with our adult difficult children. Sociologists did a study of women who faced what they called "unexpected, untraditional and unacceptable behavior" in their adult children--including mental illness, crime, cult involvement, eating disorders, drugs and suicide threats. They identified 6 stages in the coping process: shock, attention, action,detachment, autonomy and connection. I'm wondering what your reactions are to those 6 stages, how you have gotten through each stage or are getting through. I am seeing a definite trajectory though this maze of feelings with my own difficult child and it always helps to hear your views and stories. I have had so many feelings towards my difficult child that are negative, I've been somewhat surprised to note that I am starting to have moments of seeing her as she is and accepting that and being okay with it. So many boundaries must be set around her, and I've done that; I have had to let go of judgments and I'm learning to forgive and accept and let go of my expectations. It's a long and difficult path. And you all understand it. I appreciate anything you would like to share.