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Family of Origin
When parents still abuse their adult children:
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 675049" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am thinking about M's sister's 2nd daughter of 5. She was abused by her husband. Beaten senseless and starved. She was 80 pounds when she escaped to her parents' home with her 3 children.</p><p></p><p>Well? She gets welfare for the kids. The parents are near poor. She contributes to the household. Her mother wants to monitor her choices in men. To protect her. They want to counsel her about life. Including the counsel to not file charges against her ex. After all, he is the children's father.</p><p></p><p>At 32, for 7 years, she has lived with her parents. This is a form of abuse, too, if you think about it. Of course in traditional cultures, and here too, it was customary for a child, usually a daughter to stay with the parents to care for them in their old age. </p><p></p><p>The daughter should have been urged to find her feet, to establish independence and autonomy. Instead she was undermined. M feels that the daughter may have been permanently harmed by this over-protection. He feels it is the needs of the parents that are served.</p><p></p><p>Call things by their name. Is what I think of here. Tell the truth. That is the underlying lesson here. Abuse is abuse. Using your kids is using your kids. Manipulation is manipulation.</p><p></p><p>Why do we lie to each other and ourselves?</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 675049, member: 18958"] I am thinking about M's sister's 2nd daughter of 5. She was abused by her husband. Beaten senseless and starved. She was 80 pounds when she escaped to her parents' home with her 3 children. Well? She gets welfare for the kids. The parents are near poor. She contributes to the household. Her mother wants to monitor her choices in men. To protect her. They want to counsel her about life. Including the counsel to not file charges against her ex. After all, he is the children's father. At 32, for 7 years, she has lived with her parents. This is a form of abuse, too, if you think about it. Of course in traditional cultures, and here too, it was customary for a child, usually a daughter to stay with the parents to care for them in their old age. The daughter should have been urged to find her feet, to establish independence and autonomy. Instead she was undermined. M feels that the daughter may have been permanently harmed by this over-protection. He feels it is the needs of the parents that are served. Call things by their name. Is what I think of here. Tell the truth. That is the underlying lesson here. Abuse is abuse. Using your kids is using your kids. Manipulation is manipulation. Why do we lie to each other and ourselves? COPA [/QUOTE]
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When parents still abuse their adult children:
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