Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
When parents still abuse their adult children:
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 675092" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I intellectualize everything Copa, to keep myself safe. That is why I write in such flowery ways about emotion, maybe. I cannot have the real of it without having the fraud of it, without hearing the hissing "Don't you dare." Or the drawl of "Just don't think, Cedar." </p><p></p><p>The certainty behind those words that I need Maya to witness, for me to hear.</p><p></p><p>They freeze me in place, Copa.</p><p></p><p>I am testing reality with descriptors to see how that flys, maybe.</p><p></p><p>Malignant would describe my mom I think, Copa. Malignant, is what I mean when I write about contempt in my mother's eyes.</p><p></p><p>Malignant; contemptuous.</p><p></p><p>Those are such hard names for such a little girl to have carried.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't know Copa, but I see the same theme that I see when I am battling through something with my own mother. Always the conclusion is the same: My mother is fine. She is being well cared for. She is in her eighties, true, and I should be there, true, but she is happy and well taken care of. There is nothing I need to do: <u>Good</u>. That was part of our discussion last night. Whether I understood my mother clearly enough that if she should "need" me, I would be able to see through it. D H point is: Your mother is the spider at the center. You refuse to see that. You dance around that fact. Your contortion does not change that truth.</p><p></p><p>And etc.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>You breasted all kinds of impossible currents to reach your mother's side <em>when she required your protection</em>, Copa.</p><p></p><p>Maybe the dream is you forgiving yourself.</p><p></p><p>Oh, I hope this is so for you, Copa.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>But they do not.</p><p></p><p>Ethical choice.</p><p></p><p><em>Recall </em></p><p><em>Free Will; </em></p><p><em>call Ethical...</em></p><p><em>Choice</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Recall an ancient Wizard's voice</em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I will watch for that post, Copa.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>So, I believe so wholeheartedly in that stupid dinner. I believe it so much that I do not see anything that happens as serious. I do not see my mother pulling her arm back to strike me for what it is. I say I am surprised. I post about it here without knowing what to think.</p><p></p><p>Serenity posts: Adult children of abusive parents are still being abused yes it can happen and here is proof and I go numb.</p><p></p><p>I stumble through the rest of that day. </p><p></p><p>I waste another night of the life I have with my own D H talking, and talking, one more time and forever and how D H puts up with it I will never know, about people he has seen through from the beginning and believed in too and been hurt by and seen me hurt by and seen our children hurt by <em>and I still go numb and guess what freaking imagery comes rising out of the dark: Family Dinner.</em></p><p></p><p>Family dinner Copa, like I never did all that work to see what is for what it is.</p><p></p><p>D H said: Just be aware that you are vulnerable to them and you will be okay. </p><p></p><p>And he said: There is no win. You are fooling yourself. </p><p></p><p>And he said: There is no helpless elderly widow alone in the world. There is only your mother. Look in her eyes and there she will be.</p><p></p><p>So, that is why we have a little more work to do.</p><p></p><p>We have come very far, but we have some little cleaning up to do still, Cedar says, envisioning Sisyphus and the stables and the river whose course was turned. </p><p></p><p>That was a joke, you guys.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 675092, member: 17461"] I intellectualize everything Copa, to keep myself safe. That is why I write in such flowery ways about emotion, maybe. I cannot have the real of it without having the fraud of it, without hearing the hissing "Don't you dare." Or the drawl of "Just don't think, Cedar." The certainty behind those words that I need Maya to witness, for me to hear. They freeze me in place, Copa. I am testing reality with descriptors to see how that flys, maybe. Malignant would describe my mom I think, Copa. Malignant, is what I mean when I write about contempt in my mother's eyes. Malignant; contemptuous. Those are such hard names for such a little girl to have carried. *** I don't know Copa, but I see the same theme that I see when I am battling through something with my own mother. Always the conclusion is the same: My mother is fine. She is being well cared for. She is in her eighties, true, and I should be there, true, but she is happy and well taken care of. There is nothing I need to do: [U]Good[/U]. That was part of our discussion last night. Whether I understood my mother clearly enough that if she should "need" me, I would be able to see through it. D H point is: Your mother is the spider at the center. You refuse to see that. You dance around that fact. Your contortion does not change that truth. And etc. *** You breasted all kinds of impossible currents to reach your mother's side [I]when she required your protection[/I], Copa. Maybe the dream is you forgiving yourself. Oh, I hope this is so for you, Copa. But they do not. Ethical choice. [I]Recall Free Will; call Ethical... Choice Recall an ancient Wizard's voice[/I] I will watch for that post, Copa. So, I believe so wholeheartedly in that stupid dinner. I believe it so much that I do not see anything that happens as serious. I do not see my mother pulling her arm back to strike me for what it is. I say I am surprised. I post about it here without knowing what to think. Serenity posts: Adult children of abusive parents are still being abused yes it can happen and here is proof and I go numb. I stumble through the rest of that day. I waste another night of the life I have with my own D H talking, and talking, one more time and forever and how D H puts up with it I will never know, about people he has seen through from the beginning and believed in too and been hurt by and seen me hurt by and seen our children hurt by [I]and I still go numb and guess what freaking imagery comes rising out of the dark: Family Dinner.[/I] Family dinner Copa, like I never did all that work to see what is for what it is. D H said: Just be aware that you are vulnerable to them and you will be okay. And he said: There is no win. You are fooling yourself. And he said: There is no helpless elderly widow alone in the world. There is only your mother. Look in her eyes and there she will be. So, that is why we have a little more work to do. We have come very far, but we have some little cleaning up to do still, Cedar says, envisioning Sisyphus and the stables and the river whose course was turned. That was a joke, you guys. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
When parents still abuse their adult children:
Top