Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
When parents still abuse their adult children:
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 675096" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think the issue is that I never see the wreckage, Copa. I see the incident, the thing I cannot incorporate into the category of normal family interaction for the life of me, and I just leave it out there disconnected from anything that does not fit with that dinner imagery. It's like that with the "rich man's hostas" and the drawing back her arm to strike me and then laughing as though that was funny or so many other things that are out there, separated from what I am deternined will be that dinner one of these days.</p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>Because the reality is unbelievable. Not even in its ugliness, but in its "where is the win" for them in what they do.</p><p></p><p>None of the pieces fit.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This makes sense, Copa. Even to think it as I read your post though, I felt a reluctance or a painful something or an echo of "Who thinks like this about their own people."</p><p></p><p><em>"As long as you maintain that lie for her, you are skewering yourself as the fake."</em></p><p></p><p>That would be the genesis of "fraudulent" then, Copa.</p><p></p><p>I am still wondering who is the liar here, me or my mother. Even to write those words seems wrong.</p><p></p><p>So, this means I still believe her.</p><p></p><p>If I did not, I would not require the fantasy of dinner.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We do that, Copa, in real life. Here is something beautiful. I think it may be a Jewish blessing, but I am not sure where I found it. So, as we work to create and prepare the dinner, we are to think of each of our guests, of where they will sit, of what they will see from their position. Of whether they will be comfortable. As we begin to serve, our blessing, whether we say it aloud or not, is: "This food was prepared for you."</p><p></p><p>That's it. For each of our guests, to honor them and ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Isn't that beautiful?</p><p></p><p>But that Family Dinner has to do with acceptance maybe, Copa. And we are learning that the person I need most to honor at that dinner, the face I most need to see reflected in the glow of those candles, is mine.</p><p></p><p>Here is an interesting thing: In every representation of that fantasy <em>My face has not been among those faces at my table.</em></p><p></p><p>That must mean something important.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you, Copa.</p><p></p><p>You are right.</p><p></p><p>That is the dynamic.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>In the movie War Games, the computer shuts the whole thing down because Mutually Assured Destruction is not rational.</p><p></p><p>That was the imagery D H used to explain what he meant.</p><p></p><p>And then, instead of destroying the world, the computer says: "Would you like to play a game of chess?"</p><p></p><p>Because the game Global Thermonuclear Destruction was insane.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is heroic, Copa.</p><p></p><p>Again, the Sleeping Beauty Kiss, and the awakening.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 675096, member: 17461"] I think the issue is that I never see the wreckage, Copa. I see the incident, the thing I cannot incorporate into the category of normal family interaction for the life of me, and I just leave it out there disconnected from anything that does not fit with that dinner imagery. It's like that with the "rich man's hostas" and the drawing back her arm to strike me and then laughing as though that was funny or so many other things that are out there, separated from what I am deternined will be that dinner one of these days. Yes. Because the reality is unbelievable. Not even in its ugliness, but in its "where is the win" for them in what they do. None of the pieces fit. This makes sense, Copa. Even to think it as I read your post though, I felt a reluctance or a painful something or an echo of "Who thinks like this about their own people." [I]"As long as you maintain that lie for her, you are skewering yourself as the fake."[/I] That would be the genesis of "fraudulent" then, Copa. I am still wondering who is the liar here, me or my mother. Even to write those words seems wrong. So, this means I still believe her. If I did not, I would not require the fantasy of dinner. We do that, Copa, in real life. Here is something beautiful. I think it may be a Jewish blessing, but I am not sure where I found it. So, as we work to create and prepare the dinner, we are to think of each of our guests, of where they will sit, of what they will see from their position. Of whether they will be comfortable. As we begin to serve, our blessing, whether we say it aloud or not, is: "This food was prepared for you." That's it. For each of our guests, to honor them and ourselves. Isn't that beautiful? But that Family Dinner has to do with acceptance maybe, Copa. And we are learning that the person I need most to honor at that dinner, the face I most need to see reflected in the glow of those candles, is mine. Here is an interesting thing: In every representation of that fantasy [I]My face has not been among those faces at my table.[/I] That must mean something important. Thank you, Copa. You are right. That is the dynamic. In the movie War Games, the computer shuts the whole thing down because Mutually Assured Destruction is not rational. That was the imagery D H used to explain what he meant. And then, instead of destroying the world, the computer says: "Would you like to play a game of chess?" Because the game Global Thermonuclear Destruction was insane. That is heroic, Copa. Again, the Sleeping Beauty Kiss, and the awakening. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
When parents still abuse their adult children:
Top