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Family of Origin
When parents still abuse their adult children:
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 675135" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Why is it arrogance, Cedar? And not a symbol of excellence, of craftsmanship of something clean, clear and true?</p><p>Yes. Think of a template or a stencil. Think of our families as the ground on which the stencil is applied, the design. Think about figure/ground and the concept of negative space. There are all kinds of images used by the Gestalt Psychologists in their study of perception that illustrates the tricks of imagery where it is not quite clear which is the image of choice.</p><p></p><p>While both exist, are existing always, we can only perceive one at the time. I will google them so you can study a few. To see they are always existing both at the same time. But we choose to attend to, perceive only one.</p><p></p><p>I think that is what we are dealing with here. A perceptual problem. With a maze there is both the hedge which guides us and the space, the pathway on which we walk. The ground on which we walked was our early life, including our family members. The hedge is us. Part of us, as you put it, our choices and actions.</p><p></p><p>If you think of it as a figure/ground conundrum, we are both heroes and victims. Because our hedge/our maze can only be built upon the life we were given. It takes just a switch in the brain to see our heroism. But always beckoning is the contempt in the mother's voice denouncing us as her victim, hers to define.</p><p></p><p>It is the sirens' call of Ulysses. The age old call to crash on the rocks. We are Ulysses, Cedar. We have the power to defy the sirens, even if we have to tie our hands to the mast so that we do not crash our ship. We always be vulnerable, but less and less so. We can choose. Hero or victim. It is a decision. The two are always present. Is a perceptual choice.</p><p></p><p>Do not blame yourself for that vulnerability, Cedar. It is present in all of us. Some of us have been frozen into one stance or another. How much better is it to be able to choose. The reciprocity, the empathy, that is present in that flexibility. That is us.</p><p></p><p></p><p>That has to be among the most beautiful imagery, evocative, I can recall. Can that be us?</p><p>I do not like this, Cedar. Are you saying your mother is a god? To choose powerfully is arrogance? I do not think so. You are so, so hard on yourself. Still. Judgmental.</p><p>Wow. I love this. M has changed so much for us. For himself. For us together. He will say he is sorry. But only to restore order in the family. He has said he was sorry, Perdon, twice to me that I recall. Both times he cried. Both times he had hurt me. He cried. Where is this quote from, Cedar?</p><p></p><p>Why is it so hard for us to claim our strength? Why are we both right now dealing with this perceptual issue of volition or subjection?</p><p>Yes. I believe this is true.</p><p></p><p>I think this is the key to understanding. Remember my issue recently about seeing but not allowing myself to acknowledge what I saw and felt. It must have to do with the repercussions of knowing. Of really knowing.</p><p></p><p>For all of the years I would not let myself really see what my sister was doing. I really still do not understand why, I could not see her.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps if I did I would have to own my own power. And that would have felt very very scary and alone. Because I could not have felt my power at 8 years old. Where would I have gone?</p><p>This is the type of imagery or practice you are seeking, Cedar. Something similar.</p><p></p><p>The nun does not feel bereft because she has left her family dinner. She embraces a new imagery of her quest. That is what we are each trying to do here.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 675135, member: 18958"] Why is it arrogance, Cedar? And not a symbol of excellence, of craftsmanship of something clean, clear and true? Yes. Think of a template or a stencil. Think of our families as the ground on which the stencil is applied, the design. Think about figure/ground and the concept of negative space. There are all kinds of images used by the Gestalt Psychologists in their study of perception that illustrates the tricks of imagery where it is not quite clear which is the image of choice. While both exist, are existing always, we can only perceive one at the time. I will google them so you can study a few. To see they are always existing both at the same time. But we choose to attend to, perceive only one. I think that is what we are dealing with here. A perceptual problem. With a maze there is both the hedge which guides us and the space, the pathway on which we walk. The ground on which we walked was our early life, including our family members. The hedge is us. Part of us, as you put it, our choices and actions. If you think of it as a figure/ground conundrum, we are both heroes and victims. Because our hedge/our maze can only be built upon the life we were given. It takes just a switch in the brain to see our heroism. But always beckoning is the contempt in the mother's voice denouncing us as her victim, hers to define. It is the sirens' call of Ulysses. The age old call to crash on the rocks. We are Ulysses, Cedar. We have the power to defy the sirens, even if we have to tie our hands to the mast so that we do not crash our ship. We always be vulnerable, but less and less so. We can choose. Hero or victim. It is a decision. The two are always present. Is a perceptual choice. Do not blame yourself for that vulnerability, Cedar. It is present in all of us. Some of us have been frozen into one stance or another. How much better is it to be able to choose. The reciprocity, the empathy, that is present in that flexibility. That is us. That has to be among the most beautiful imagery, evocative, I can recall. Can that be us? I do not like this, Cedar. Are you saying your mother is a god? To choose powerfully is arrogance? I do not think so. You are so, so hard on yourself. Still. Judgmental. Wow. I love this. M has changed so much for us. For himself. For us together. He will say he is sorry. But only to restore order in the family. He has said he was sorry, Perdon, twice to me that I recall. Both times he cried. Both times he had hurt me. He cried. Where is this quote from, Cedar? Why is it so hard for us to claim our strength? Why are we both right now dealing with this perceptual issue of volition or subjection? Yes. I believe this is true. I think this is the key to understanding. Remember my issue recently about seeing but not allowing myself to acknowledge what I saw and felt. It must have to do with the repercussions of knowing. Of really knowing. For all of the years I would not let myself really see what my sister was doing. I really still do not understand why, I could not see her. Perhaps if I did I would have to own my own power. And that would have felt very very scary and alone. Because I could not have felt my power at 8 years old. Where would I have gone? This is the type of imagery or practice you are seeking, Cedar. Something similar. The nun does not feel bereft because she has left her family dinner. She embraces a new imagery of her quest. That is what we are each trying to do here. COPA [/QUOTE]
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When parents still abuse their adult children:
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