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Family of Origin
When parents still abuse their adult children:
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 675145" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think to allow oneself to know, really see what they do and accept why is to understand we are truly alone. </p><p>I think to see the power in the family dinner, is to see your own power, Cedar. And to be alone. </p><p></p><p>But as adults alone means individual. It means strong. Independent. With the capacity for self-actualization. I think to see her for what she is, is to be bigger than she is. All the time I knew I was, but to acknowledge it was too powerful. </p><p></p><p>That might have been part of the struggle these past 2 plus years, to grow strong enough, to grow into the role I took on at the end of my mother's life. And in a way, at the beginning of my own.</p><p>I will see it this way. It is hard to hang onto. At the beginning of this post I was clear. I am now a bit confounded. </p><p></p><p>It has to do with power. I know that. It has to do with seeing others for who and what they are. It is easier with my mother than with my sister. I think it has to do in part with my mother's honesty. My mother did not pretend to be other than what she was. She just did not want to take responsibility for it. She wanted her cake and to eat it too. She did not think it was right or just to hold her to account for what she did. She had the right to do it. She just felt she should not be held accountable.</p><p></p><p>My sister is equally brazen, so now I am confused again. But she has this victim thing going on. That is what confuses me. My sister is a wolf in sheep's clothing. </p><p>She is aggressive to the max. If somebody were to say anything she would say she is being victimized and start screaming. That is what confuses me. And frightens me.</p><p></p><p>As soon as I hear her screaming in my mind, I begin to think I am the aggressor. </p><p></p><p>I have for my whole life tried to hide my power. </p><p></p><p>That must be why I do not allow myself to see my sister. Really. Because I would face her vulnerability and weakness, and feel my own potential for aggression towards her. I wonder if I ever wanted to hurt her when I was a child. Really, really hurt her.</p><p></p><p>It would fit.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 675145, member: 18958"] I think to allow oneself to know, really see what they do and accept why is to understand we are truly alone. I think to see the power in the family dinner, is to see your own power, Cedar. And to be alone. But as adults alone means individual. It means strong. Independent. With the capacity for self-actualization. I think to see her for what she is, is to be bigger than she is. All the time I knew I was, but to acknowledge it was too powerful. That might have been part of the struggle these past 2 plus years, to grow strong enough, to grow into the role I took on at the end of my mother's life. And in a way, at the beginning of my own. I will see it this way. It is hard to hang onto. At the beginning of this post I was clear. I am now a bit confounded. It has to do with power. I know that. It has to do with seeing others for who and what they are. It is easier with my mother than with my sister. I think it has to do in part with my mother's honesty. My mother did not pretend to be other than what she was. She just did not want to take responsibility for it. She wanted her cake and to eat it too. She did not think it was right or just to hold her to account for what she did. She had the right to do it. She just felt she should not be held accountable. My sister is equally brazen, so now I am confused again. But she has this victim thing going on. That is what confuses me. My sister is a wolf in sheep's clothing. She is aggressive to the max. If somebody were to say anything she would say she is being victimized and start screaming. That is what confuses me. And frightens me. As soon as I hear her screaming in my mind, I begin to think I am the aggressor. I have for my whole life tried to hide my power. That must be why I do not allow myself to see my sister. Really. Because I would face her vulnerability and weakness, and feel my own potential for aggression towards her. I wonder if I ever wanted to hurt her when I was a child. Really, really hurt her. It would fit. COPA [/QUOTE]
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When parents still abuse their adult children:
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