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When people are ostracized from family, it is because the family did not like their choices.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 655393" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>It was in that FOO group that one of the women told about being broken and rebroken over the shame of a picture her abuser had taken of her after an abusive incident. She was still hating herself for having been that person, and she lived in horror that somehow, some way, that picture of her as a hurt and hated little girl would surface and destroy her.</p><p></p><p>That is an extreme case, because of the proof, because of the picture. She could not move on from that place of self hatred and rage.</p><p></p><p>Eventually, because she had all of us in the group to witness for her, she did begin to confront the terrible pain of the way she'd been taught to see herself.</p><p></p><p>That is the victory, for us.</p><p></p><p>To cherish ourselves, as we should always have been free to cherish and trust and befriend ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Just as the abusive incidents were impersonal, so is the healing an impersonal thing.</p><p></p><p>We reclaim our own power and then, realize it was ours for the taking all along.</p><p></p><p>I wonder what to do about the rage I feel at having been thwarted, at having been in the impossible position of "I believe" or "I have been a fool for lesser things".</p><p></p><p>But that is okay. Maybe I would do it all again and probably I would.</p><p></p><p>One of the other ladies in group urinated on her (sexual) abuser's grave. He had been a minister. No one believed, when she told, and the shame of it dominated her life.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what happened to these women. </p><p></p><p>I do know that it was willful destruction of the secrecy surrounding the shame of the hurt that allowed reinterpretation of self.</p><p></p><p>But I still don't know what to do with the anger I feel about the stupid waste of all of it. Then sometimes I think about that thing they say, that we call what we need when we need it. (When the student is ready, the teacher appears.)</p><p></p><p>And certainly, that is true.</p><p></p><p>So....</p><p></p><p>"Thankful for the illumination, however dim, Pitt continued to climb."</p><p></p><p>That is from Clive Cussler. I don't know which book. But I do know Dirk and his,trusted cohorts engage in adventure after impossible adventure for the thrill of the win.</p><p></p><p>That must be why we enjoy sequels.</p><p></p><p>Life is like that, too.</p><p></p><p>Adventure after adventure.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>I did write that, SWOT.</p><p></p><p>That is how it felt to me to spend that time in group.therapy.</p><p></p><p>I wonder what happened to everyone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 655393, member: 17461"] It was in that FOO group that one of the women told about being broken and rebroken over the shame of a picture her abuser had taken of her after an abusive incident. She was still hating herself for having been that person, and she lived in horror that somehow, some way, that picture of her as a hurt and hated little girl would surface and destroy her. That is an extreme case, because of the proof, because of the picture. She could not move on from that place of self hatred and rage. Eventually, because she had all of us in the group to witness for her, she did begin to confront the terrible pain of the way she'd been taught to see herself. That is the victory, for us. To cherish ourselves, as we should always have been free to cherish and trust and befriend ourselves. Just as the abusive incidents were impersonal, so is the healing an impersonal thing. We reclaim our own power and then, realize it was ours for the taking all along. I wonder what to do about the rage I feel at having been thwarted, at having been in the impossible position of "I believe" or "I have been a fool for lesser things". But that is okay. Maybe I would do it all again and probably I would. One of the other ladies in group urinated on her (sexual) abuser's grave. He had been a minister. No one believed, when she told, and the shame of it dominated her life. I don't know what happened to these women. I do know that it was willful destruction of the secrecy surrounding the shame of the hurt that allowed reinterpretation of self. But I still don't know what to do with the anger I feel about the stupid waste of all of it. Then sometimes I think about that thing they say, that we call what we need when we need it. (When the student is ready, the teacher appears.) And certainly, that is true. So.... "Thankful for the illumination, however dim, Pitt continued to climb." That is from Clive Cussler. I don't know which book. But I do know Dirk and his,trusted cohorts engage in adventure after impossible adventure for the thrill of the win. That must be why we enjoy sequels. Life is like that, too. Adventure after adventure. Cedar I did write that, SWOT. That is how it felt to me to spend that time in group.therapy. I wonder what happened to everyone. [/QUOTE]
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When people are ostracized from family, it is because the family did not like their choices.
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