So difficult child has been home for a few weeks and has been decent to get along with and hasn't gone overboard with wanting to go out and do stupid things - just normal teen outings that kind of thing. So, it's been pretty good. o You might recall that when he came home he asked me to look into getting an psychiatric assessment done (he thinks he is depressed and may have aspergers) so I took him to the family doctor to get a referral - seems we have to go through a paediatrician first to get to a psychiatrist. Fine - she gives me an urgent referral and then I beg the paediatricians office to give me an appointment earlier than November (not kidding) - I get August 11th which will have to suffice. In the meantime I am phoning around looking for counsellors and private assessment options where I will pay out of pocket (gotta love our Canadian health care system which is not two tiered - such bullcr@p - pay out of pocket and get in now or wait 6 -9 months) but we are willing to do what it takes. So, Sunday night I am in bed sleeping as is easy child. husband is away on a trip. Apparently difficult child starts having suicidal thoughts for no reason. Nothing went wrong, nothing set him off, just starts feeling like he is either going to hang himself or slit his wrists. Thankfully he went on FB and 2 of his friends talked him out of it. He came to me the next morning and asked to go to the hospital - so off we go to the hospital for some help. Crisis workers does an intake interview with difficult child - I am not allowed in the room and she won't even speak to me to get background on him. I figure the psychiatrist will do this when he comes down. So we sit and wait from 9am until 4:00pm for the psychiatrist in an area guarded by security. Child psychiatrist shows up and again wants to speak to difficult child in private - fine. Doesn't speak to me at all - calls me into room about 10 minutes later and he berates difficult child in front of me for using suicide to get his own way - what??!! Tells him that they won't be doing anything for him and that he should go to Chapters and buy Life Strategies by Jay McGRaw and a couple of other books and basically to grow up and stop this nonsense. I was in the room with the man for all of 2 minutes and I was furious with him. This guy was such a jerk! So, he up and leaves without even having a conversation with me, the crisis worker tells me not to let difficult child out of my sight, to lock up all sharp objects and to lock up all medications in our home. Huh!? Really? If you think I need to do this why are you sending him home? And is locking this stuff up going to stop him if he really wants to die? There's plenty of ways to do it. Apparently the 'crisis' is over and that if he really wanted help then we should have called an ambulance the night before. Ok, I kind of get that but difficult child says that when he is in that mood he doesn't want help he just wants to die. He doesn't want to talk to anyone. How can I take him to the hospital at 2am when I am asleep and have no idea what is happening? When he is in a more rational frame of mind he does want help and does want to talk. Ugh. Today he is feeling better. He slept for about 4 hours last night (seems he can go on very little sleep now and had zero sleep the night before) and wanted to go to school today - he has a drama thing to do and he loves drama class. He seemed pretty happy and ok so I sent him to school. The school is aware of what is going on. OK, so I understand that difficult child is not an immediate danger to himself but I really don't know when he might become one again. So, I will continue to try and find someone to do an assessment on him - hopefully prior to the appointment with the paediatrician. And I bought the dang books and now that school is out (in 2 days) I will start working through the books with difficult child to see if I can help him develop some coping mechanisms. Our mental health system sucks - I have had 3 different guidance counsellors and my sister who is in the health field and suffers from depression herself tell me that they think this kid is either depressed or bipolar - and no one is listening!! I called the mental health hotline to see if they could help point me in the right direction for quicker help and I got a busy signal. I called the counsellor recommended by the hospital and the high school (same guy and I hear he's great) - he'll call me back in 2 to 4 days. I called Canadian Mental Health Association - left a message - says they'll call me back in 2 days. I guess if it is urgent I will have to go back to the hospital - someone told me (who has a niece in and out of hospital and jail with mental health issues) that they don't admit on the first visit to hospital but that they have to admit for 72 hour observation the second time. Great - let's just hope he comes to me next time. This wasn't the first time he's felt like this or thought about this. He has researched it online - he won't o.d. because he doesn't want to risk vomiting up the drugs while unconscious and failing at it. He says he will likely slit his wrists because it will only take a couple of minutes for him to go unconscious and he'd be dead before we could get him medical help. He had this conversation with me like it was a normal every day conversation. I just don't understand this kid. I'm just sick. I have to admit that I have moments where I go back and forth and think that sometimes it's just teen drama and maybe he's not serious and then sometimes I think he really is serious and he's crying out for help. I just don't know what to think and I'm so tired of riding this roller coaster he's on. I'm riding it with him and I just want it to stop so we can get off and go back to our old life before all this started.