When two black and white thinkers colide

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dstc_99, Jul 6, 2015.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    LOL! It is almost entertaining to watch.

    FIRST I have Tay who never can rarely see anyone elses side. THEN I have a neighbor who is extremely literal and black and white. The two are only about 8-10 years apart, have a shared interest of horses, and since neither one has kids they relate well . Tay loves dogs. The friend used to train dogs and thinks most children would benefit from dog training as well. HEHE God bless the naive non-mothers of the world.

    We have been friends with the neighbor going on two years now. When Tay moved here she and the neighbor got to be friends as well but that all died off over the winter. All the sudden they are attached at the hip again.

    This amuses me for a few reasons.
    1. Tay hates the whole gay lesbian transgender thing and has nothing nice to say about it. The friend is bi-sexual.
    2. Tay is very religious. The friend is a devout atheist.
    3. Tay always has to be right. The always friend has to be right.
    4. Tay is very shy about sex and relationship stuff. The friend and her husband actively enjoy porn and play. Thank dog they hold back in front of us. :)

    Friday night Tay proceeded to drink a little too much and started getting a little mouthy with me. Actually she was being normal with me its just that she normally doesn't let others see that side of her. The friend was there and immediately reached over and corrected Tay the same way she would a dog. She lightly popped her mouth. NOT A SMACK I wouldn't have found that in the least bit funny. Just a light correction. Tay was p'od so she got up and left. I said nothing. Not my monkey Not my circus.

    To top it off I had to then listen to the friend's version of black and white thinking about how she did nothing wrong. I didn't have the heart to explain that if she had to justify that type of action then she probably had done something wrong. I also didn't have the fortitude to explain to her that Tay isn't a dog without laughing my butt off. I didn't ask. In fact I chose to ignore the whole thing. It's their friendship. The friend has been this way forever and there is no hope for change so why waste my breath. Tay is a grown woman so she can fight her own battles.

    This is the friend my daughter has replaced me with. The woman she wants guidance from. The woman she looks up to. The woman she had plan her birthday for her. However, their core values are exact opposites. The friend pulls no punches telling Tay she is being ridiculous about stuff. If I even hint about it I am asking for a war. The friend can straight up call her out in public and all is fine.

    Ahhh the joy of watching a young lady grow up. LOL It's almost like a toddler and teaching them not to touch the hot stuff.
  2. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    This is an interesting development, Dist.

    Had the two of them discussed in advance how the friend might help the daughter change her behaviors, do you think?

    What has the outcome been? Have the two remained friends?

    I remember posting about Cesar the Dog Whisperer and his contention that even with people, calm dominant is a good emotional place to strive for.

    I have actually done that when things fall apart. Tried to remember calm dominant instead of being swamped by the mood of the chaotic moment, I mean. It was helpful to me. Even just to think about that phrase, calm dominant, helped me remember I could choose to feel a different way about whatever was happening.

    It was empowering, to do that.

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  3. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Oh no I am sure this was a gut reaction by the friend.

    I stick with the old Army motto of "don't ask, don't tell." LOL I can guess and say the friendship is doomed.

    I love this! I need a calm dominant/good emotional place to go.
  4. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    So powerful
  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    It is very powerful. Calm dominant. The perfect mantra.