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When we hear from difficult child months later
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 640839" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>What a hurtful thing for your son to say. Mine has been as nasty. There was a time when I felt badly about what he thought of me. But one day, it occurred to me: <em>What kind of person is it who speaks to AND ABOUT his own mother this way?</em></p><p></p><p>One of the ways counselors know whether a person has gone back to using or not is the way they talk about their parents ~ their mothers, in particular.</p><p></p><p>Did you know that?</p><p></p><p>People who are not using are horrified at what they have put their parents, especially their mothers, through. People who have gone back to using, even on the sly? Are nasty about their mothers and abusive to them.</p><p></p><p>Another mom told me that is what the counselor told one of the addicts in recovery at a joint therapy session in a half-way house where her own daughter was. When the person stood up and began berating his mother, the counselor jumped all over him...and though he denied it at first, eventually the person confessed that he'd begun using again.</p><p></p><p>And that was how the counselor knew. People who are not using accept responsibility for their actions, and feel intense remorse, especially where their mothers are concerned.</p><p></p><p>I agree that you need to let this drop, but I can't help but wonder what your son's response would have been had you said: "You are better than this."</p><p></p><p>Because the greater truth is that there really was a time, for your son and for mine, when they would never have found such transparent, patently self serving responses anything but ridiculous.</p><p></p><p>It's as though their brains are being affected by their drug use.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 640839, member: 17461"] What a hurtful thing for your son to say. Mine has been as nasty. There was a time when I felt badly about what he thought of me. But one day, it occurred to me: [I]What kind of person is it who speaks to AND ABOUT his own mother this way?[/I] One of the ways counselors know whether a person has gone back to using or not is the way they talk about their parents ~ their mothers, in particular. Did you know that? People who are not using are horrified at what they have put their parents, especially their mothers, through. People who have gone back to using, even on the sly? Are nasty about their mothers and abusive to them. Another mom told me that is what the counselor told one of the addicts in recovery at a joint therapy session in a half-way house where her own daughter was. When the person stood up and began berating his mother, the counselor jumped all over him...and though he denied it at first, eventually the person confessed that he'd begun using again. And that was how the counselor knew. People who are not using accept responsibility for their actions, and feel intense remorse, especially where their mothers are concerned. I agree that you need to let this drop, but I can't help but wonder what your son's response would have been had you said: "You are better than this." Because the greater truth is that there really was a time, for your son and for mine, when they would never have found such transparent, patently self serving responses anything but ridiculous. It's as though their brains are being affected by their drug use. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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When we hear from difficult child months later
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