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When we're gone what happens to our ...
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<blockquote data-quote="Smithmom" data-source="post: 741162" data-attributes="member: 23371"><p>Elsi...yes, their future is their choice and we can't control it. But more than that I think we need to remember that what's important is that they have the life they want. Not the life we want for them or think they should have. So rather than grieving that they don't or won't have the life that we think is appropriate I prefer to focus on being happy that they have what they want. Eg my ADHD kid has no desire for a place of his own nor an interest in stability. I prefer to be happy for him that he is in a place today that he's happy with. I nest. I want permanency. Everything he owns fits into a couple of boxes and he's happy with that. Why make myself unhappy because he chooses a life that would make me unhappy? Why not be happy for him and save myself the anxiety?</p><p></p><p>What you describe, which is also my son, might be called "working poor". This country was founded by what might be called poor farmers. There's a long history of working poor aging. Their generation is not the first. Certainly there are millions of retired working poor. Think of thousands of large trailer parks across the country. We might prefer to think of leaving behind wealthy children in long term happy marriages. But reality isn't that easy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Smithmom, post: 741162, member: 23371"] Elsi...yes, their future is their choice and we can't control it. But more than that I think we need to remember that what's important is that they have the life they want. Not the life we want for them or think they should have. So rather than grieving that they don't or won't have the life that we think is appropriate I prefer to focus on being happy that they have what they want. Eg my ADHD kid has no desire for a place of his own nor an interest in stability. I prefer to be happy for him that he is in a place today that he's happy with. I nest. I want permanency. Everything he owns fits into a couple of boxes and he's happy with that. Why make myself unhappy because he chooses a life that would make me unhappy? Why not be happy for him and save myself the anxiety? What you describe, which is also my son, might be called "working poor". This country was founded by what might be called poor farmers. There's a long history of working poor aging. Their generation is not the first. Certainly there are millions of retired working poor. Think of thousands of large trailer parks across the country. We might prefer to think of leaving behind wealthy children in long term happy marriages. But reality isn't that easy. [/QUOTE]
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