When will my left eye stop...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tiredmommy, Oct 9, 2008.

  1. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    twitching? And my jaw (on the right side) is fairly locked up from being clenched so tight! My little Duckie has been pushing hard for over a week! She had been having a problem at school being a chatterbox and was losing free time quite a bit until it sunk in that there are times to talk and times to be quiet. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but all consuming for a difficult child. So it's been resolved and the behavior problems have shifted... back home. Ugh!

    Not listening Mouthing Off Procrastinating Whining! All pretty typical.

    Plus she gave a Barbie a haircut, she's seven and this is a first for her. She was rude at the bus stop with her friends and their Moms. She then started pacing in circles in the middle of the street. Making huge messes and refusing to clean-up. I even heard her complaining about me while showering last night. There was no one there... just Duckie! (I think she wanted me to hear!) And finally, after giving me a hard time about doing her homework this afternoon, she wrote on her desk!

    So I sat her down after making her clean it off because I needed to know what was going on with her. She said it was hard being good at school but she didn't want to let me down. I explained that I didn't want her letting herself down and that she really needed to pull herself together at home too.

    And then I lowered the boom on poor little Duckie.

    I told her that I had been intending to take her to see High School Musical 3 when it comes out at the end of the month, but that I've changed my mind unless I see a big improvement in her attitude at home before then.

    Then we went over to the school for my volunteer orientation and she sat through about a 1.5 hour meeting quietly and behaved very well.

    Hopefully the carrot (HSM3) will be enough incentive to help her out of this rut.
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Oh, I LOVE to use carrots! The bigger, the BETTER! I hope it helps for her, too.

    I think it's great she can verbalize what's been going on!
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TM, I do agree that carrots can work! But, make sure that the incentive of wanting something so bad doesn't make the school anxiety worse. Sometimes our kids have a clear understanding that it is more difficult for them to be "good" at school than other kids. The pressure can sometimes be overwhelming for them. I know that for my difficult child, who at a very early age seemed to understand himself pretty well, dissapointment in himself was a huge issue.

    Cutting Barbie's hair is nomal and so is being a chatterbox for some kids. Not sure what to make about the rudeness and the circling in the street. Sounds to me like some stress factors are coming into play in Duckie's life. Keep using those casual conversations with her to get some insight. They can really expose what's going on inside when they don't feel the pressure to do so.

  4. tonime

    tonime toni

    Oh, I have used carrots! Lots and lots and lots. They do work. However, it is important to make our difficult child's realize that there are everyday rewards too.
    I love the book -- Transforming the Difficult Child-- the author writes about giving specific, positive praise. I think this works--even for the smallest thing. He suggests (which I agree with) that lots of times kids don't know when they are doing things right. Many adults just say "good job" well-- what was good about it? Maybe it can be just-- gee- Duckie you wrote your spelling words neatly, keep it up! or--you did that whole page without complaining--you focused and did a neat job.
    Now, I know with difficult child's it won't ALWAYS work-- but many times it does

    good luck with HS musical!
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    TM, I'm cracking up about your eye twitching. It's not funny but I so relate.

    I'm a big fan of the carrot and the stick. If they follow through they get the prize but if they don't they need to know what the consequence would be.

    I'm thinking of using a carrot for difficult child to lose some weight.

    Duckie usually works things out and follows through. I couldn't get difficult child or easy child or husband for that matter to sit for 1 1/2 hrs listening to something that has nothing to do with them. Good for her.
  6. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Poor Duckie and poor Barbie LOL! I think that school is tuff for our difficult child's sitting and trying to control themselves for that long can sometimes be excrutiating I imagine. I loved school but I was not experiencing any "technical issues". I would make sure to atleast praise her emphatically, if not offer her some material "reward" for sitting during the meeting. It is tough enough to sit for an 1 1/2 hrs but to sit when it doesn't even pertain to you-that was GREAT!
  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thanks ladies. I know none of this seems so bad, except that it has been happening non-stop! FWIW, I think she did so well last night because a co-teacher in the multiage program, her kindergarten teacher, and her principal were there. She might act-up for me, but she doesn't want these other ladies to see her in action.

    She started in again this morning. I told her I was done with the nonsense so I told her what still needed to be done: breakfast eaten, face washed, dressed, hair brushed, shoes on, jacket on, & backpack ready to go and to the bus stop on time. I would only give her Zyrtec, everything else was up to her. I then set the timer and told her she'd be grounded if she wasn't ready on time. And this is on time of losing HSM3.

    She had the gall to ask for how long. So I told her until her friends hadn't seen her in so long that they would forget her name. That children would stop in front of our house and ask aloud "Whatever happened to Duckie? I heard she was grounded by her mother and never heard from again."

    She made it with about 2 minutes to spare. :devil:
  8. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    {{{HUGS}}} for you and little Duckie!!! I give her lots of credit for being able to talk with you about what is hard for her. Heck my difficult child is 17 and still wont talk about her difficulties. So kudos to her for that and for sitting for 1.5 hours, that is a big deal for difficult children!!! Shoot, I have trouble sitting still for that long. lol

    I hope she does well and gets to eat that carrot!!! :)
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh! Glad those days are over for me. difficult child could never take that list and get one thing done. She would have dropped right there on the spot as she would not have even remembered the first thing she was told to do, let alone the rest of the list.
    Good for her for getting them all done in time.

    Take some TM time!
  10. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    husband and I have been lazy all day... he's napping while I work on laundry and get set up for tomorrow's football game. It's been pretty relaxing. We'll all go to dinner tonight to celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary.
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How nice! Happy Anniversary! :loveforever:

    Enjoy your dinner out. No cooking or cleaning up! yeah!!!
  12. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    :rofl: LOVE IT!

    Happy Anniversary! :D Ours was Tuesday the 7th.
  13. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom


    I was listening to "to kill a mockingbird" where they talk about Boo Radley's brother not being seen for 15yrs after getting in trouble with the law. LOL. I guess he got grounded too.
    Your comment to Duckie reminded me of that part of the story.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are handling this so well! I love that she made it with 2 minutes to spare! Rofl!
  15. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    :rofl::rofl: LOVE this!

    Happy anniversary TM. Hope you and husband have a lovely dinner.
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Happy anniversary, TM! I hope the anniversary dinner helped relax you enough so your eye stopped twitching. Had to chuckle at your subject heading.

    I think carrots are good things ... I hope it works out. Sorry about Barbie's hair. That's a regular kid thing, I hate to say ... I even cut my own hair at that age ...
  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I was also thinking of To Kill A Mockingbird. *snort* ;)

    Happy Anniversary. :D
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    ...told her she'd be grounded if she wasn't ready on time.
    She had the gall to ask for how long. So I told her until her friends hadn't seen her in so long that they would forget her name. That children would stop in front of our house and ask aloud "Whatever happened to Duckie? I heard she was grounded by her mother and never heard from again."

    OMG! That's precious! I'm going to have to use that one!!!
  19. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    husband was in the next room when I said it and had to suppress a laugh. by the way, her behavior has improved greatly. Not easy child mind you... but at least I can live with her!
  20. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    I figure the twitch will go away when mine does. What do you expect ~ miracles? :bigsmile:

    School is the time to catch up on the night before ~ who knows what duckie missed. Our little social butterfly.

    by the way, I have a few "shaved" barbies that I may have missed throwing out ~ I can send them your way. wm was a bit more savage with the Barbies than kt - she did try to style the hair.

    Life does move on & you'll find another reason for your eye to twitch. Hope that helps. :stalker: