When you have 1 Aspie and 1 easy child......

[Star*]

I'm not probably the best person to be dishing out the advice on this one so I thought maybe I'd ask the general public here.....

I have a friend who has two daughters. One is (she suspects) high functioning Autistic /Aspie. That's not what SHE refers to her as trust me - it's my daughter the B. The other daughter is older, kinder, thoughtful - and from what I gather a nice woman. Both have lives of their own, yet the B one - lives close and NEVER comes to visit, or involve herself unless there is a need-to-get scenario. Then it really is a self-serving svck up situation that I have witnessed and it's very sad. She's told people lies about her Mom to garner sympathy for herself, turned her children away from their own Grandparents. The other daughter and her children send cards, letters and offer to visit - I mean to me it reminds me of that childrens magazine HIghlights - GOofus and Gallant lol. Had it not been that I've known this lady personally and seen the B daughter in action? I wouldn't believe some of the stories - but sadly they're true.

I asked her if she was aware of Aspergers - she's doing a little reading now, but she's really hurt, and bitter. How .......do I try to help her see that the daughter COULD be an Aspie after 50 some years - and even the grandchildren in their 20's ----could be products of their Mother's undoing? I would love for her to understand that, but wow - this woman takes the cake, the table and the cloth -----with SOME sense of entitlement and then stands there with an AS IF look on her face and then? Blames YOU for being an idiot and getting upset 'all the time' over stupid things - again. UGH.

Not sure what to tell her or how to direct them - the older sister basically has written the entire sister and her children off - the x husband hasn't been seen in 18 years......and I can't say I blame him.

Any thoughts? From any of you who have children or siblings who are "normal" and "aspie" or autistic spectrum? .........and dealt with this?

 

[Signorina]

No first hand experience, however I have a 23 yo nephew who is an aspie - and IME - Aspie's tend to misread social cues and are not purposely unkind or distant -- just more socially awkward and therefore seem to be aloof. It's a seemingly disinterest that never even approaches "as if". But of course, not every aspie has the same traits...

It sounds like your friend's daughter is more of a narcissist...the lying, the selfishness, the sense of entitlement and directing blame at others...

Just my quick thoughts...

 

[Hound dog]

Would be hard to tell without meeting the girl honestly. It's such a spectrum that one would have to look at other behaviors to get some idea.

Give the mom info to read and it will either "click" as in she'll recognize behavior (bitter or not) or it won't.

husband and Travis had so many behaviors in common and yet so many that were no where near each other. Of course husband functioned higher than Travis too.

But the self serving svck up situation has me thinking it probably isn't. Most people on the spectrum don't get the social nuances enough to manage that.

 

[Star*]

Thanks for the help....I'll let her know.

 

[DammitJanet]

Star, no way do I think aspies can be that manipulative. You have spoken to Billy many times and you have heard how he is with you. Do you think he could be mean? The only possible way you could say he is manipulative is that he is a salesman...lol. He wont outright lie to a person but he will try to get you to buy as much stuff as possible in his store, especially stuff he gets a commission on!

 

[Star*]

No Billy is ........my buddy! I suspect that she IS Apsie. but that there is alcohol and other things going on here. SHE is mean......no doubt about it. And she is Aspie - she really is. She doesn't get what everyone else gets. Never has, never - according to the woman, and she's some kind of brilliant woman. So I'm guessing there is a comorbid here. Or booze.

I guess you'd just have to know the woman - I feel for her. She certainly doesn't deserve to be treated like she is. It's just sad to watch her be so upset. And I know she tries to play it off like it doesn't bother her - but how could it not. That's her daughter you know? I just thought maybe someone her would have some kind of advice for me to give her on how you are able to appreciate a kid that is easy child - and one that is ....obvioulsly NOT that breaks your heart when you know there is more than just being a jerk behind it. Some kind of sage words to say.....that sounds better than "Well you know I have a sister........"