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General Parenting
When you just don't like them anymore
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<blockquote data-quote="WNC Gal" data-source="post: 47412" data-attributes="member: 3783"><p>The other challenging aspect of coping with our kids is how a Borderline (BPD) can play off the two parents against one another. We are just now beginning to understand the "splitting" behavior - and can see patterns where we are loved and admired by her and alternately disprespected and almost hated (and not at the same time!). </p><p></p><p>Also - it wears us out to contemplate what percentage of darling daughter's situation is behavioral (choices she has made) vs. biological (out of her control). It makes a HUGE difference in how you view your child - as a nurturing mom (probably an unintentional "enabler") - I tend to view the past nine months as some horrible biochemical nightmare going on in her head and she is just along for the freakish rollercoaster ride. Her dad, on the other hand, while he truly loves her, tends to see the past nine months as merely manipulative, willful avoidance of responsibility - basically ALL choices she has made. I know it is likely somewhere in the middle - even her psychiatrist has started asking our daughter if she feels her "crashes" are biological or behavioral. But asking an extremely clever and highly intelligent kid to self-diagnose is a recipe for more manipulation! She even charms the socks off her treatment team at the hospital and has them bending the rules for her! </p><p></p><p>I feel guilty about looking forward to her getting longer term out of home residential care - but I also acknowledge that we tried and were unable to help/cope with her on our own - she really needs that help! And we need to be focusing on our two easy child kids for once!</p><p></p><p>A good friend of mine who works with kids said to remember that she is your same loving child who happens to suffer from these psychiatric issues - she is not a psychiatric case. And that she is doing the best she can with the tools she has now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WNC Gal, post: 47412, member: 3783"] The other challenging aspect of coping with our kids is how a Borderline (BPD) can play off the two parents against one another. We are just now beginning to understand the "splitting" behavior - and can see patterns where we are loved and admired by her and alternately disprespected and almost hated (and not at the same time!). Also - it wears us out to contemplate what percentage of darling daughter's situation is behavioral (choices she has made) vs. biological (out of her control). It makes a HUGE difference in how you view your child - as a nurturing mom (probably an unintentional "enabler") - I tend to view the past nine months as some horrible biochemical nightmare going on in her head and she is just along for the freakish rollercoaster ride. Her dad, on the other hand, while he truly loves her, tends to see the past nine months as merely manipulative, willful avoidance of responsibility - basically ALL choices she has made. I know it is likely somewhere in the middle - even her psychiatrist has started asking our daughter if she feels her "crashes" are biological or behavioral. But asking an extremely clever and highly intelligent kid to self-diagnose is a recipe for more manipulation! She even charms the socks off her treatment team at the hospital and has them bending the rules for her! I feel guilty about looking forward to her getting longer term out of home residential care - but I also acknowledge that we tried and were unable to help/cope with her on our own - she really needs that help! And we need to be focusing on our two easy child kids for once! A good friend of mine who works with kids said to remember that she is your same loving child who happens to suffer from these psychiatric issues - she is not a psychiatric case. And that she is doing the best she can with the tools she has now. [/QUOTE]
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