Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
When you take the place of the real abuser in your abusers life
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 666572" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>But, Cedar and Copa, although she claimed she loved him (God only knows how), she DID have hostility against him. Yet I'm sure he is still in her life, abusing her, playing with her emotions, giving her absolutely nothing back for all five years, not making her first in his life, etc. SHE knew he was abusive and called him borderline. She even said I was not borderline (which is true) but HE was. That was many of the gist of our conversations about him. Him and his borderline traits. Trust me, if I had done even one of the things he'd done to her, she would have cut me off that minute, but she c an't cut him off. She is unable to lose him, although she does know he abuses her. Even her friendsd, who I think are pretty crazy and tend to have nutty relationships themselves, know he is a bad boyfriend and abusive and mean to her. Maybe they don't want to hear it either.</p><p></p><p>But she can't really talk to our brother or father about him. I was the only one who would "get it." They are men, my father is not good at understanding realtionships, and my brother has never had a relationship in his life and would never know first hand about one. She just has her anon. people. But there is always a very slight chance he will find her posts about him. After all, she found mine about FOO and I certainly didn't lead her here. She went looking. And he is a jealous man with no reason to be jealous because he does not treat her well. But I'm sure she is afraid to post about him. Maybe then she has to focus it on somebody so it's me.</p><p></p><p>These abuse allegations of hers came out of left field. Most of our "fighting" which caused cut offs were about the incident where I told my mother what she had done, e-mails, Facebook posts she didn't like, me getting mad and friending her FB friends (I still think that's funny...she had been so nasty to me on the phone before I did that), etc. Then she'd call the cops if I sent her one e-mail. Or two. That was it. And we both were guilty there and we talked about our guilt and even laughed about it afterward. (I never did think the cops was funny though). At any rate, this just popped up after I told her I won't listen to her talk about her boyfriend anymore because it was too hard for me to hear what he does to her.</p><p></p><p>Suddenly I went from her best companion to evil, and to having abused her all her life.</p><p></p><p>I was just sitting there in the car yesterday, with nothing to do, and this popped into my head: "She's using you as a proxy because s he can't talk about HIM and she's angry at you AND him." That's what she does when she is angry and has no control over me. She gets mean. But she also has to deal with a total asshat for a boyfriend too.</p><p></p><p>Again, I have no idea if I'm right, but something triggered something and it is tied into him.</p><p></p><p>OH, well. Back to my own life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 666572, member: 1550"] But, Cedar and Copa, although she claimed she loved him (God only knows how), she DID have hostility against him. Yet I'm sure he is still in her life, abusing her, playing with her emotions, giving her absolutely nothing back for all five years, not making her first in his life, etc. SHE knew he was abusive and called him borderline. She even said I was not borderline (which is true) but HE was. That was many of the gist of our conversations about him. Him and his borderline traits. Trust me, if I had done even one of the things he'd done to her, she would have cut me off that minute, but she c an't cut him off. She is unable to lose him, although she does know he abuses her. Even her friendsd, who I think are pretty crazy and tend to have nutty relationships themselves, know he is a bad boyfriend and abusive and mean to her. Maybe they don't want to hear it either. But she can't really talk to our brother or father about him. I was the only one who would "get it." They are men, my father is not good at understanding realtionships, and my brother has never had a relationship in his life and would never know first hand about one. She just has her anon. people. But there is always a very slight chance he will find her posts about him. After all, she found mine about FOO and I certainly didn't lead her here. She went looking. And he is a jealous man with no reason to be jealous because he does not treat her well. But I'm sure she is afraid to post about him. Maybe then she has to focus it on somebody so it's me. These abuse allegations of hers came out of left field. Most of our "fighting" which caused cut offs were about the incident where I told my mother what she had done, e-mails, Facebook posts she didn't like, me getting mad and friending her FB friends (I still think that's funny...she had been so nasty to me on the phone before I did that), etc. Then she'd call the cops if I sent her one e-mail. Or two. That was it. And we both were guilty there and we talked about our guilt and even laughed about it afterward. (I never did think the cops was funny though). At any rate, this just popped up after I told her I won't listen to her talk about her boyfriend anymore because it was too hard for me to hear what he does to her. Suddenly I went from her best companion to evil, and to having abused her all her life. I was just sitting there in the car yesterday, with nothing to do, and this popped into my head: "She's using you as a proxy because s he can't talk about HIM and she's angry at you AND him." That's what she does when she is angry and has no control over me. She gets mean. But she also has to deal with a total asshat for a boyfriend too. Again, I have no idea if I'm right, but something triggered something and it is tied into him. OH, well. Back to my own life. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
When you take the place of the real abuser in your abusers life
Top