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Family of Origin
When you take the place of the real abuser in your abusers life
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 666574" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Serenity,</p><p></p><p>1.Your sister may be disturbed to a point where nothing she does makes sense from your perspective.</p><p></p><p>2. She may seek out abuse, and not be able to tolerate any other kind of attention.</p><p></p><p>3. You have changed. She may never.</p><p></p><p>4. Yes, she might be using you as proxy, fair or not.</p><p></p><p>5. You were her "best companion" contingent upon certain requirements. See #3.</p><p></p><p>6. Everything your sister does is fueled by her own psychology and her needs at that moment. There is nothing here that is tethered to right or wrong or fair or unfair. </p><p></p><p>7. The only true and dependable thing is that you deserve good treatment, respect and love.</p><p></p><p>8. The only way it seems you can have her in your life is if you allow her to manipulate you and treat you as she needs to based upon her psychology. See #3.</p><p></p><p>9. You did nothing wrong. Unless you are willing to do #8, there is no way she will tolerate a relationship with you, I think.</p><p></p><p>10. You did nothing wrong. You deserve better. She either does not want to do what she has to do to get better or is unable to, or both. I think.</p><p></p><p>I think, also, you miss her, just like I miss my sister, and Cedar, her own. I do not think the answer lies with them. The answer is to recognize the longing for what it is. And to find a way to address the feelings...and fill longing for our sisters with someone or something else--that will not hurt us.</p><p></p><p>Our sisters are toxic to us. They may always be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 666574, member: 18958"] Serenity, 1.Your sister may be disturbed to a point where nothing she does makes sense from your perspective. 2. She may seek out abuse, and not be able to tolerate any other kind of attention. 3. You have changed. She may never. 4. Yes, she might be using you as proxy, fair or not. 5. You were her "best companion" contingent upon certain requirements. See #3. 6. Everything your sister does is fueled by her own psychology and her needs at that moment. There is nothing here that is tethered to right or wrong or fair or unfair. 7. The only true and dependable thing is that you deserve good treatment, respect and love. 8. The only way it seems you can have her in your life is if you allow her to manipulate you and treat you as she needs to based upon her psychology. See #3. 9. You did nothing wrong. Unless you are willing to do #8, there is no way she will tolerate a relationship with you, I think. 10. You did nothing wrong. You deserve better. She either does not want to do what she has to do to get better or is unable to, or both. I think. I think, also, you miss her, just like I miss my sister, and Cedar, her own. I do not think the answer lies with them. The answer is to recognize the longing for what it is. And to find a way to address the feelings...and fill longing for our sisters with someone or something else--that will not hurt us. Our sisters are toxic to us. They may always be. [/QUOTE]
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When you take the place of the real abuser in your abusers life
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