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Family of Origin
When you take the place of the real abuser in your abusers life
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 666734" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I believe my sister loves her children. She may or may not love her husband. She loved my mother. Yes, I believe she did. </p><p></p><p>I do not think my sister loves in her life except where she feels she is reflected by the object. My sister needs to own and feel she has control over the reflected glory. </p><p></p><p>If she feels she does not she feels diminished by it. If glory is given to another, there is less for her. Zero sum game.</p><p></p><p>I am seeing differently now the Incident with the pinch.</p><p></p><p>My sister felt threatened by the loss of esteem from my uncle's wife...by the words of my son...stop pinching m. She was afraid. She was compelled to make it right by apologizing. She needed to abandon and throw under the bus my son and I. </p><p></p><p>To her, we are not in her affective sphere. We threaten it, only. She is not enhanced by our good fortune...or by our safety. She is diminished when we look weak or dangerous. She seeks to distance herself.</p><p></p><p>And the car seat. She did not see either me or my son. She did not see anything at all inappropriate by asking a 2 year old for his car seat. In front of his mother. She saw the car seat and the need of her child to have it. It was not personal to me. We do not exist to her, except for when we threaten her. Or as an audience in front of which to parade her successes.</p><p></p><p>So, I am back to my mother's wanting me to love my sister. My mother did not want to die fearing my sister was alone. My mother knew my sister needed me. My sister knew...after everything was said and done...that I was the stronger and that I had the capacity to protect and love my sister. No matter what.</p><p></p><p>The thing is. I think my mother was right. I think I want to get stronger to reach out to my sister. </p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 666734, member: 18958"] I believe my sister loves her children. She may or may not love her husband. She loved my mother. Yes, I believe she did. I do not think my sister loves in her life except where she feels she is reflected by the object. My sister needs to own and feel she has control over the reflected glory. If she feels she does not she feels diminished by it. If glory is given to another, there is less for her. Zero sum game. I am seeing differently now the Incident with the pinch. My sister felt threatened by the loss of esteem from my uncle's wife...by the words of my son...stop pinching m. She was afraid. She was compelled to make it right by apologizing. She needed to abandon and throw under the bus my son and I. To her, we are not in her affective sphere. We threaten it, only. She is not enhanced by our good fortune...or by our safety. She is diminished when we look weak or dangerous. She seeks to distance herself. And the car seat. She did not see either me or my son. She did not see anything at all inappropriate by asking a 2 year old for his car seat. In front of his mother. She saw the car seat and the need of her child to have it. It was not personal to me. We do not exist to her, except for when we threaten her. Or as an audience in front of which to parade her successes. So, I am back to my mother's wanting me to love my sister. My mother did not want to die fearing my sister was alone. My mother knew my sister needed me. My sister knew...after everything was said and done...that I was the stronger and that I had the capacity to protect and love my sister. No matter what. The thing is. I think my mother was right. I think I want to get stronger to reach out to my sister. COPA [/QUOTE]
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When you take the place of the real abuser in your abusers life
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