Where do I start?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Abbey, Jul 30, 2010.

  1. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Coming clean. It's a hard thing to do because I respect you guys so much and don't want you to think worse of me.

    Life has not been good for me in many years. I'm a master of the happy face. I've tried to get things on track with no success. First J, then my marriage. I didn't handle it well. I self medicated with alcohol. I wasn't a binge drinker...just enough to numb the pain.

    Been to more therapists than you could imagine...depression medications, etc. Nothing seemed to make me happy. I knew the only thing I could do was leave the toxic environment I was in. It took me years and several attempts, but I finally did it.

    In the meantime I had a horrible 24 hour period where I was a total difficult child. Landed me in jail two times within that time period. I've never experienced this in all my life.

    I faced the DA and cried my heart out at my sentencing. They would not give except for me to have 60 days to turn myself in. I left my H the next day without out my laptop.:mad: Got it today so I can briefly steal someone's internet and get online.

    So what faces me now is going back to WI with 6-9 months of jail. I'm scared as a donkey's ****. I'm leaving Vegas on Aug. 17, spending a few weeks with my daughter then a few days with my good friend in the same city I will be incarcerated. The deal with my daughter is that I'll do this, but you better have a ticket out of this state ASAP when my time is done. It's a very humbling experience.

    No minutes on my cell for those of you who call, I just appreciate any prayers you can give. Hopefully I can get internet access in the next few weeks.

    You guys are the best. I brought my spork collection to Vegas and they loved it. :D

    Hopefully will keep in touch.

  2. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Oh Abbey. I have no idea what to say. Just sending many many hugs.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Oh, Abbey,

    NOTHING you can do will make me not love you. I am proud of you for facing up to your mistakes, both with the law and by letting us know what is going on. I hope you can check in here before you turn yourself in, or maybe while you are in jail.

    I wondered what was going on because you clearly have not been happy for quite a while, but couldn't seem to figure out what to do or where to turn. Depression can lead us to do some very strange, out of character things. Trust me, I know.

    I hope that while you are in whatever facility you are in that you can access some type of counseling or medication that will work for you. You are such a special person and you have a lot of really amazing qualities to offer. The time will pass no matter where you are or what you do. Use the time to really examine yourself and what you want and need. Check out AA programs if you think they might be helpful.

    You will always be in my prayers, and counted as one of my friends.

    Love ya, Susie
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Sorry to hear this Abbey but glad you trust us enough and are comfortable telling us. Times are hard right now and for those who battle depression and unhappiness to begin with, many lives are falling apart in one way or another right now. I'll keep you in my thoughts. How long will you be in jail? I hope somehow something can change for the better for you after going thru all this.
  5. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Guest

    I'm here too.

    Let me know I there is anything I can do for you.

    Be safe.
  6. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Oh, Abbey. I am so sorry you are going through this, but also impressed by your bravery facing this. It takes a lot of guts to face up to mistakes, own them, and take the results.

    I hope you will be able to continue staying in touch. Please keep us updated as well as you can. And, PLEASE...take care of YOURSELF.

    You've been running from yourself for too long. I'm glad you've decided to come back home, deal with what you are facing, and hopefully start over with a clean slate.
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Well, you are courageous to share that with us, and you are courageous to own up to your mistakes and take the steps necessary to get back on track. You are a tough cookie and I know that you'll use this little "vacation" to reexamine life and reach out for help. I'm sorry things unravelled to this point, but I know you'll eventually get back on your feet. I hope you enjoy these coming weeks with friends and family before your final due date back in WI. Let us know where to send mail!
  8. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Just pretend you are Brittiney Spears or what's-her-name Lohan (see how up on things I am), put on your sunglasses and go show them how it's done. Really I'm just kidding. I know you are a much classier lady than either one of those. We ALL make mistakes and I think we are all proud of you for facing the music and then you will be able to get on with things. We'll be pulling for you.
  9. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Deb, I know that the girl I've known as Abby is very different today than when I met you the last 2 times. It seems that you have gone through a metamorphosis. Maybe that is the pain. You are shedding your skin to be someone you think is healthier and happier. I'm not sure which deb/abbey is the healthier, happier person but I know that when I visited this site, you were a "rock star" in my eyes and for many years after. It had nothing to do with you showing me the light or agreeing with your parenting philosophy. You were just an awesome woman who held out a lifeline to a lot of lost parents. We parents all find our own way eventually but no matter what you do or who you evolve into being, I will always love and respect you as the woman who helped save me from drowning.
    Do your time. Come out better and more together and know that this one voice from many years ago still has a lot of respect for the integrity I saw when I knew you better.
  10. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    If only we all had a dollar for the times we had our own difficult child moments! ;)

    I doubt anybody here who has gotten to know you from your posts is going to feel any differently about you simply for finding out you are just as human as the rest of us and made some mistakes.

    Things haven't been easy for you and I think that at some level we all knew you were the "happy faced" gal. And probably like me, most admired you for that ability.

    Hang in there. When this is all over with you will be fresh faced and ready to move onto a stage of your life that better reflects what you want for your life and your future.

    Dont' you dare sell yourself short for a minute lady! A mistake does not a person make. We all lubs ya here and will be waving sporks the day you are back online and we will look forward to more adventures o' Abbey!
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    When you know an addy we can send letters and cards to, please please please let us know. If you can let one person know, with permission to PM it to others, I am sure any of us would happily do that.

    Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 3 months and is only supposed to spen 13 days there. With good behavior, you will be free earlier than expected. No matter how long you serve, we will always be with you in spirit and hold you in our hearts.
  12. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Abbey/Deb---I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sometimes the toxicity of our lives leads us into places we never dreamed we would be. It's tough. I know that you will get through this---you will be okay in the end---it's just getting through it is going to hoover. God bless you.
  13. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Hang in there, Abbey. And if the media are right about LiLo getting out after a few weeks when she had 90 days, they are apparently so pressed for space that the time you've been sentenced to is likely to be a lot less just so they can make room there for the next person.

    Get it dealt with and out of the way. You had a rough patch and sound like you know what went wrong, you've already taken steps to make sure it doesn't happen again.

    And hey ... when you've come through it all, no difficult child is ever going to be able to say to you, "You haven't got a clue what it's like," because YOU will have the perfect answer!


  14. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Abbey - sending much love to you. Many of us have tripped over the years, and I know that I certainly should have tripped much harder in my younger years than I did - there but for the grace. I could never think worse of you, Abbey. As Fran said, you were an absolute rock when I joined the board many years ago, and you have weathered so many storms. Sometimes life is just hard.

    Take care of what you need to take care of, most importantly yourself. You have my absolute support and continued respect.
  15. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Aw, Deb - no one thinks less of you - it takes a big person to admit to making mistakes, and then doing the right thing and dealing with it.

    If I can help you in any way, or you need anything, my number is on FB - call collect :)

  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending caring, supportive thoughts your way. We all understand how the years of stress can mess with your core. You'll come out of it stronger probably but I am so sorry that you have to face that time. Hugs. DDD
  17. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Aw Deb,

    Sending lots of love and giant hugs!! I've missed you and think you're very brave for coming clean with everyone, especially yourself.

    You go do what you have to do and allow yourself to grow from the experience and be strong. Hugs & Love Jo
  18. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Oh hun....like this would make us think less of you???? Pffft. Like everyone else has said....you're being an adult and taking care of business. And yes, let us know where we can write. I don't suppose you'd be allowed to receive sporks in the mail but we can send them in spirit!!! You never know....it might be...um...interesting. According to my difficult child, from the noises he heard coming from the women's cell block, they seemed to have a good ol' time. :slap:

    Do what you need to do, contact who you can and we'll be here when you get back. We love you and we're not going anywhere!!!!

  19. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    We love you Deb. {{{Hugs}}}. And I'm proud of you for facing up to your life. Peace.
  20. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Deb, if we did not make mistakes, we would not learn. You are a growing, changing woman. I am happy you are facing your mistakes, because that is how you will learn from them.

    You will take the time to reflect upon your dreams, wants, needs, desires. You will begin a new chapter upon release that will have happiness waiting for you. Just watch the impulsive decisions making in the future. HUGS! and LOVE!