Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Where is my place to stand? What to do now.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 709583" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I reread my above post.</p><p></p><p>It seems that my two issues (my current bottom-line) are thus:</p><p></p><p>1. The marijuana. Do I fold on this (recognizing I have no control) completely?</p><p></p><p>Or do I insist he obtain his marijuana legally, and exert some accountability over the quantity of money he spends? This would involve giving him some incentive to be transparent about his costs, by giving him some limited rent subsidy, as a kind of incentive to consume less.</p><p></p><p>This is tied to the rent: The rent is designed as much to take money away from the "pot" that would otherwise go to the pot.</p><p></p><p>2. The rent. He has 900 dollars or so coming in. There is no reason to not pay rent. I do not support him by not requiring rent. This month I delayed accepting the rent because I did not want to give him the right to stay on, unless he made constructive choices, and followed through. WRONG idea. He smoked up the money.</p><p></p><p>More and more I am seeing that the untenable thing is to believe and to maintain that I can do anything to motivate him to make and sustain better choices.</p><p>____</p><p></p><p>I am left with:</p><p></p><p>I have a right to rent. And that it should be paid.</p><p></p><p>I have a legal right to have a marijuana rule but no means really to impose it or to enforce it except for throwing out my son which I do not want to do.</p><p></p><p>I have no way to enforce constructive actions that he does not want.</p><p></p><p>I have to work with what he does want.</p><p>__</p><p></p><p>So what does he want?</p><p></p><p>He wants a secure and safe place to live. With minimal or no rent.</p><p></p><p>He wants to use his marijuana.</p><p>__</p><p></p><p>What do I want, bottom line?</p><p></p><p>That he continue with his medication. That he be safe and secure. And if I admit it to myself, that he be close. I do want him to pay some rent, but I am open to renegotiating with him. So I would be open to his working with us to reduce his rent but not to eliminating it completely. I think.</p><p></p><p>I could live, I think, with his marijuana if it was limited and controlled.</p><p></p><p>What makes somebody not want a life, or to take responsibility to make a life? One answer. If somebody does it for them. Another answer, if mental illness or poor judgement precludes it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 709583, member: 18958"] I reread my above post. It seems that my two issues (my current bottom-line) are thus: 1. The marijuana. Do I fold on this (recognizing I have no control) completely? Or do I insist he obtain his marijuana legally, and exert some accountability over the quantity of money he spends? This would involve giving him some incentive to be transparent about his costs, by giving him some limited rent subsidy, as a kind of incentive to consume less. This is tied to the rent: The rent is designed as much to take money away from the "pot" that would otherwise go to the pot. 2. The rent. He has 900 dollars or so coming in. There is no reason to not pay rent. I do not support him by not requiring rent. This month I delayed accepting the rent because I did not want to give him the right to stay on, unless he made constructive choices, and followed through. WRONG idea. He smoked up the money. More and more I am seeing that the untenable thing is to believe and to maintain that I can do anything to motivate him to make and sustain better choices. ____ I am left with: I have a right to rent. And that it should be paid. I have a legal right to have a marijuana rule but no means really to impose it or to enforce it except for throwing out my son which I do not want to do. I have no way to enforce constructive actions that he does not want. I have to work with what he does want. __ So what does he want? He wants a secure and safe place to live. With minimal or no rent. He wants to use his marijuana. __ What do I want, bottom line? That he continue with his medication. That he be safe and secure. And if I admit it to myself, that he be close. I do want him to pay some rent, but I am open to renegotiating with him. So I would be open to his working with us to reduce his rent but not to eliminating it completely. I think. I could live, I think, with his marijuana if it was limited and controlled. What makes somebody not want a life, or to take responsibility to make a life? One answer. If somebody does it for them. Another answer, if mental illness or poor judgement precludes it. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Where is my place to stand? What to do now.
Top