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Where is my place to stand? What to do now.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 709607" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Today is my birthday. I guess I did not want to <strong><em>not</em></strong> see my son so I went to search him out--he was not there--as I was leaving he arrived. He was pleasant and cooperative.</p><p></p><p>I asked his plans. He said he wanted to stay as he saw no immediate option to go back to the big city where we are from which is very, very expensive. He said he plans on paying me the $500 he had promised, to account for last month's and next month's rent.</p><p></p><p>He says he feels on track, has established a routine, and freely volunteered this was 100 percent more than he had been doing before--when he said he was completely disregarding us and our desire that he be constructive. He said he felt good about what he was doing, and that he felt able to do it, and wanting to. He very much gave me the sense that he was doing what he wanted in the way he wanted to do it. He seemed to take ownership. That is what I am trying to say here.</p><p></p><p>He described his routine as weekdays going to the college library: studying math for 2 or 3 hours; reading for enjoyment; walking a lot for cardio to increase his stamina for martial arts; doing martial arts 4 or 5 evenings a week. I asked about therapy: he says he has gone to the County Mental Health (coincidentally I worked there 20 years ago) and had had his intake appointment. He said he liked how professional the staff seemed.(?) He said he had been staying away from our house to avoid conflict.</p><p></p><p>He asked if I wanted him to come back home with me tonight and I said "no." He volunteered to come over tomorrow so that we can chat.</p><p></p><p>He seemed self-contained and did not at all seem "high." We chatted about neighborhood goings on and he asked me to please make sure the cat had water. That was that.</p><p></p><p>My son did volunteer he wanted to enroll in a couple of online classes. I asked if he had applied for financial aid, he had not.</p><p></p><p>I went alone. M's stance is that we have to stay committed to one path. We cannot keep throwing my son out. It does not work. For my son or for me. So we are kind of stuck with each other.</p><p></p><p>I feel much better having seen and spoken to him. Much calmer. Not depressed. Not desperate. Not in crisis. Calm.</p><p></p><p>I think I took on M's sense of desperation, his sense of failed expectations. This should be a lesson to me to stay centered in myself.</p><p></p><p>I did tell my son that I felt betrayed that he lied to me about not being prescribed the medication. He said he did not realize that the doctor was noting that she was prescribing it on his written records. He said "that was me who wanted to wait a month or so to see what the trend was." It makes sense that the doctor would cover herself by charting that she prescribed them, while going along with his program. I did count his pills. He had not rushed to pick the medication up, but he did start.</p><p></p><p>All in all the distance we made this past couple of weeks, however hard it has been for me, seemed to serve each of us, and both of us together. Is that detachment?</p><p></p><p>Earlier I went for a walk and loved every minute of it. Having not walked the last 2 weeks, made me savor the experience. All and all a good birthday for me.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 709607, member: 18958"] Today is my birthday. I guess I did not want to [B][I]not[/I][/B] see my son so I went to search him out--he was not there--as I was leaving he arrived. He was pleasant and cooperative. I asked his plans. He said he wanted to stay as he saw no immediate option to go back to the big city where we are from which is very, very expensive. He said he plans on paying me the $500 he had promised, to account for last month's and next month's rent. He says he feels on track, has established a routine, and freely volunteered this was 100 percent more than he had been doing before--when he said he was completely disregarding us and our desire that he be constructive. He said he felt good about what he was doing, and that he felt able to do it, and wanting to. He very much gave me the sense that he was doing what he wanted in the way he wanted to do it. He seemed to take ownership. That is what I am trying to say here. He described his routine as weekdays going to the college library: studying math for 2 or 3 hours; reading for enjoyment; walking a lot for cardio to increase his stamina for martial arts; doing martial arts 4 or 5 evenings a week. I asked about therapy: he says he has gone to the County Mental Health (coincidentally I worked there 20 years ago) and had had his intake appointment. He said he liked how professional the staff seemed.(?) He said he had been staying away from our house to avoid conflict. He asked if I wanted him to come back home with me tonight and I said "no." He volunteered to come over tomorrow so that we can chat. He seemed self-contained and did not at all seem "high." We chatted about neighborhood goings on and he asked me to please make sure the cat had water. That was that. My son did volunteer he wanted to enroll in a couple of online classes. I asked if he had applied for financial aid, he had not. I went alone. M's stance is that we have to stay committed to one path. We cannot keep throwing my son out. It does not work. For my son or for me. So we are kind of stuck with each other. I feel much better having seen and spoken to him. Much calmer. Not depressed. Not desperate. Not in crisis. Calm. I think I took on M's sense of desperation, his sense of failed expectations. This should be a lesson to me to stay centered in myself. I did tell my son that I felt betrayed that he lied to me about not being prescribed the medication. He said he did not realize that the doctor was noting that she was prescribing it on his written records. He said "that was me who wanted to wait a month or so to see what the trend was." It makes sense that the doctor would cover herself by charting that she prescribed them, while going along with his program. I did count his pills. He had not rushed to pick the medication up, but he did start. All in all the distance we made this past couple of weeks, however hard it has been for me, seemed to serve each of us, and both of us together. Is that detachment? Earlier I went for a walk and loved every minute of it. Having not walked the last 2 weeks, made me savor the experience. All and all a good birthday for me. Thank you all. [/QUOTE]
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