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Where to go from here, preparing for the future...
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<blockquote data-quote="greenrene" data-source="post: 639125" data-attributes="member: 9177"><p>Thank you all so much for your replies and support! This is all very overwhelming to think about, you guys are such a wonderful source of advice.</p><p></p><p>When should we apply for disability? She doesn't turn 18 until next September. We live in Florida, and what I've heard from just starting out is that services here are not that great, that there is a lot for the elderly but not so much for younger people.</p><p></p><p>She needs to be in an environment that is very structured with a very high level of supervision. She has no impulse control whatsoever, she thinks rules are there to make her life miserable and continually tries break them, she lies about EVERYTHING without even a shred of remorse, the only thing she learns from her mistakes is that she needs to be even sneakier the next time, and consequences mean absolutely nothing to her. She is also a major drama queen and thrives on negative attention.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, I do fear that this boundary is one that could be dishonored by my husband, in which case I need to have a contingency plan. I have had my feet firmly in reality concerning difficult child for many years. My husband and mother in law, however, have been slower coming - they actually blamed difficult child's issues on ME. When difficult child entered the TBS (before the school she's at currently), the main issue that was given was that "difficult child and her stepmom can't get along." Stemming from that was the notion that *I* was the adult, ergo, everything was my fault. While it was true that we couldn't get along (add in a healthy dose of my husband being very uninvolved and an alcoholic, plus a dysfunctional, enmeshed extended family), that was only a SYMPTOM of the bigger picture, and they couldn't/wouldn't see the bigger picture.</p><p></p><p>husband and mother in law pulled difficult child out of the TBS WAY before she was ready to leave and basically dumped her on me for the summer. Although their decision turned my life upside down, they never asked me how I felt about it, never asked my opinion about it, and I was completely left out of that decision. Since then, through different situations, I think they're coming around to seeing the situation for what it truly is. However, right now I still do not trust either of them.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>The difference within my household without difficult child here is absolutely amazing. While we're very busy, my stress level is way down, and my boys are truly thriving. The baby is wonderful, he is very close to walking. difficult child has visited home for a weekend twice now, and both times there have been major issues. My biggest fear right now is that she is going to be kicked out of school and there'll be no where else for her to go. I cannot live with her anymore, it's just way too much. </p><p></p><p>We have been referred to a pediatric neurology program in another city, and we are taking steps to get her evaluated there as soon as possible. We're also trying to find other boarding school options for her, preferably all female because the presence of boys at her current school has been a major source of her trouble. If anyone has any other suggestions I am open to them.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all for being there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="greenrene, post: 639125, member: 9177"] Thank you all so much for your replies and support! This is all very overwhelming to think about, you guys are such a wonderful source of advice. When should we apply for disability? She doesn't turn 18 until next September. We live in Florida, and what I've heard from just starting out is that services here are not that great, that there is a lot for the elderly but not so much for younger people. She needs to be in an environment that is very structured with a very high level of supervision. She has no impulse control whatsoever, she thinks rules are there to make her life miserable and continually tries break them, she lies about EVERYTHING without even a shred of remorse, the only thing she learns from her mistakes is that she needs to be even sneakier the next time, and consequences mean absolutely nothing to her. She is also a major drama queen and thrives on negative attention. Unfortunately, I do fear that this boundary is one that could be dishonored by my husband, in which case I need to have a contingency plan. I have had my feet firmly in reality concerning difficult child for many years. My husband and mother in law, however, have been slower coming - they actually blamed difficult child's issues on ME. When difficult child entered the TBS (before the school she's at currently), the main issue that was given was that "difficult child and her stepmom can't get along." Stemming from that was the notion that *I* was the adult, ergo, everything was my fault. While it was true that we couldn't get along (add in a healthy dose of my husband being very uninvolved and an alcoholic, plus a dysfunctional, enmeshed extended family), that was only a SYMPTOM of the bigger picture, and they couldn't/wouldn't see the bigger picture. husband and mother in law pulled difficult child out of the TBS WAY before she was ready to leave and basically dumped her on me for the summer. Although their decision turned my life upside down, they never asked me how I felt about it, never asked my opinion about it, and I was completely left out of that decision. Since then, through different situations, I think they're coming around to seeing the situation for what it truly is. However, right now I still do not trust either of them. The difference within my household without difficult child here is absolutely amazing. While we're very busy, my stress level is way down, and my boys are truly thriving. The baby is wonderful, he is very close to walking. difficult child has visited home for a weekend twice now, and both times there have been major issues. My biggest fear right now is that she is going to be kicked out of school and there'll be no where else for her to go. I cannot live with her anymore, it's just way too much. We have been referred to a pediatric neurology program in another city, and we are taking steps to get her evaluated there as soon as possible. We're also trying to find other boarding school options for her, preferably all female because the presence of boys at her current school has been a major source of her trouble. If anyone has any other suggestions I am open to them. Thank you all for being there. [/QUOTE]
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