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Failure to Thrive
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 727884" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>I totally relate to that. I took the laboring oar to figure it out. It made me feel like he would only be well if I found the right answer. And if I bowed out from emotional exhaustion, then that was that. Some kind of failed God complex, I guess. </p><p></p><p>But i wasn't a mental health professional, there wasn't one answer, and I couldn't make him. My son has his own wish list. They might be bad choices, but the reality is I can't force him to make different ones, anymore than I could make sure his teeth were brushed or his homework done, if he chose not to, unless I went in there and did it myself. He brushed his teeth and did some homework for some reason. Probably because he didn't want to get teased or face the teachers or lose the PlayStation or a sleepover</p><p></p><p>If he's taken himself out of the game, or seems perfectly presentable to those who know him on some superficial level, then that social incentive may be non-existent. Unfortunately, the adult equivalent of PlayStation and sleepover consequences, is financial assistance and housing. </p><p></p><p>But if I'm not willing to deliver the adult consequence, then I'm not helping him to make better choices, and maybe I'm even hurtful, because I'm a scapegoat for why his life is as it is. </p><p></p><p>My son is his own worst enemy. I realized that he would never see that if I was within glaring range.</p><p></p><p>Without fixing, explaining and protecting my son from himself, I'm left with nothing more that some vague trust that young adults are capable of caring about themselves and want good lives.</p><p></p><p>I did what I could to get him there. I'll help him again when he wants my help to move forward instead of to stay stuck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 727884, member: 19290"] I totally relate to that. I took the laboring oar to figure it out. It made me feel like he would only be well if I found the right answer. And if I bowed out from emotional exhaustion, then that was that. Some kind of failed God complex, I guess. But i wasn't a mental health professional, there wasn't one answer, and I couldn't make him. My son has his own wish list. They might be bad choices, but the reality is I can't force him to make different ones, anymore than I could make sure his teeth were brushed or his homework done, if he chose not to, unless I went in there and did it myself. He brushed his teeth and did some homework for some reason. Probably because he didn't want to get teased or face the teachers or lose the PlayStation or a sleepover If he's taken himself out of the game, or seems perfectly presentable to those who know him on some superficial level, then that social incentive may be non-existent. Unfortunately, the adult equivalent of PlayStation and sleepover consequences, is financial assistance and housing. But if I'm not willing to deliver the adult consequence, then I'm not helping him to make better choices, and maybe I'm even hurtful, because I'm a scapegoat for why his life is as it is. My son is his own worst enemy. I realized that he would never see that if I was within glaring range. Without fixing, explaining and protecting my son from himself, I'm left with nothing more that some vague trust that young adults are capable of caring about themselves and want good lives. I did what I could to get him there. I'll help him again when he wants my help to move forward instead of to stay stuck. [/QUOTE]
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