Which is it?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by wakeupcall, Mar 31, 2008.

  1. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Talk of death......is it healthy curiosity or should I be concerned?

    For the last five days difficult child has talked of death. It started with questions of our other son's death, before difficult child was born/adopted. Ok, I handled that....the auto accident, etc. He wanted to know what it's like to die. Well, I don't know. Asked about reincarnation. Wanted to know if dying hurts. Wondered if he would go to heaven or the other place. What happens to your body when you die? I don't know what to make of it.

    Over the weekend he had extreme anxieties......something I couldn't curb for him. The issues went into the evening and overnight. He's also had severe sensory issues for about a week which I thought we'd overcome.

    I called his child psychiatrist so I'm taking him to her this afternoon for a medication review. I know medications don't fix it all....but I feel so sorry for him...

    When do these conversations cross that line?
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sounds like a call to the psychiatrist was a good idea.

    I really think your mommy heart and mommy instincts will tell you if it is a big problem.

    Have you asked him what brought this up? At age 12, I think many kids start to wonder about this stuff. They also start questioning their religious beliefs (at least in my experience it starts about them).

    Is he drawing pictures, or writing stories or blogs or texts about death? What is the tone of them?

    Is he worried he will die because his brother did? Maybe it would be good to look at some books written for teens/preteens on this? Did he read a story about a child dying? I have to say I am sometimes speechless at the topics the young adult books discuss. I just don't always think the topic is handled in an appropriate way. So maybe checking what he has been reading?

    Are you the person who posted about "Bridge to Terabithia"? It caused some pretty intense problems for difficult child and for Jessica. Not the movie, the book. They each read it much too young (and with-o my knowledge until it was too late - a relative gave each of them a copy at age 8 or 9).

    Can you see what he has been looking at online? Maybe that owuld help figure it out.

  3. Loving Abbey 2

    Loving Abbey 2 Not really a Newbie

    Well I agree that your mom gut will tell you if it's a serious issue.

    My difficult child started asking questions like that young because her dad died when she was 2 1/2. But the questions come in spurts. As she gets older she asks more questions, just like she does about everything else regarding life, development, etc. But these questions are often triggered by something, a TV show, an extended family member dying, something a friend said to her, etc.

    At your difficult child's age it's pretty typical to start thinking about the more existential thing like death and spirituality. This is the time when thier brains can begin to think beyond black and white. Most teens think they are invincible but they do realize that everyone including them will eventually die--and that's a scary thought. in my opinion crossing the line would be obsessing on it, getting emotionally distraught when talking about it, etc.

    Trust your mom instincts and calling the treating doctor for backup is always a good idea.
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Glad that you were able to take him to the psychiatrist. What did she suggest?

    It is so hard to tell with a difficult child when their thoughts are normal, or when they are ebbing into more of a mental deviation. I, for one, was/am horrible at discerning that. I guess I would base your gut on your other interactions with children that are not on the spectrum.
  5. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    The doctor wasn't near as concerned as I was. In fact, she said if all of the abnormal behaviors were the same as before, she'd put him in the hospital, but since they were all new, she wouldn't. She doesn't think that the intense talk therapy (with a differenct doctor) is helping right now, so we may stop that for awhile. She took him off the Clonidine (start weaning) and stopped the Geodon. We'll be starting Abilify this morning. She thinks he's depressed (duh!).

    After almost nine years of this........is this EVER going to get better? When do they begin to level out? In the year 2525?
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    I wonder if he heard of some story at school, or knows someone that knows someone that had a death in their family recently.

    I do think maturity does help. So, even though you have the toughest years ahead, there is light at the end of this tunnel!