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Family of Origin
Who do you consider your real family?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 664622" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have had to confront that my whole life has been defined by this empty space.</p><p></p><p>I keep being inpatient with myself that my grief, my sadness about the death of my mother and the problems of my son does not go away. How could it? It is like an underground mine full of toxic gas that has been broken open. And now must be absorbed into the atmosphere in which I live.</p><p>I have been saying this my whole adult life, but never to the real offenders, my own family.</p><p>I have been flooded with sadness and hopelessness, which only grows more pervasive as I get closer to the truths about my family and my position in it that has defined my whole life.</p><p></p><p>I think I have felt alone my whole life. I am not alone now, but the sense that I am has not yet left me.</p><p></p><p>Since my Mother died, I have M and my son. And our 3 animals. M has a large family who have accepted me as a part, as if I am his true wife.</p><p></p><p>My only living blood relative is my sister. We are estranged. I doubt if we will ever get over it.</p><p></p><p>It has been this way for many, many years. In the past, the separation did not cost me much, now it does. I have regret. I do not see a way to change this. My sister has grievances against me, and believes she has a right to avenge them.</p><p></p><p>When I was around my sister, I felt hurt by her. Looking back, maybe I was too thin-skinned. I do not know yet how to get a thicker skin, if somebody wants to hurt you, and will not see it.</p><p></p><p>As far as having a network of friends that are like family, I do not have one.</p><p></p><p>Very few people in my life I have trusted to the point that I let them really close to me.</p><p></p><p>As I have gotten older I have become more and more wary of people. I had many, many friends as a young woman. Now, not so many. While I seem to draw people to me, I do not let people close enough to hurt me.</p><p></p><p>I believe many people are limited in their responsibility to others. Likewise, I think some people, including myself, are not careful enough to not hurt others.</p><p></p><p>I think the issue for me is that I am open and somewhat permeable in my boundaries. The only defense I really have is to keep myself distant.</p><p></p><p>There is also the issue of the people one chooses to let close. Trustworthy or not. That is something I can learn to control.</p><p></p><p>I understand now that even small disappointments at the hands of others fed into the deep despair and pain I had because I had not been well treated or loved by my family. Tiny hurts were amplified, because they triggered the big ones that I had so hard tried to suppress.</p><p></p><p>Now that I understand this in a way that I can address it, I will work at trying to change it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 664622, member: 18958"] I have had to confront that my whole life has been defined by this empty space. I keep being inpatient with myself that my grief, my sadness about the death of my mother and the problems of my son does not go away. How could it? It is like an underground mine full of toxic gas that has been broken open. And now must be absorbed into the atmosphere in which I live. I have been saying this my whole adult life, but never to the real offenders, my own family. I have been flooded with sadness and hopelessness, which only grows more pervasive as I get closer to the truths about my family and my position in it that has defined my whole life. I think I have felt alone my whole life. I am not alone now, but the sense that I am has not yet left me. Since my Mother died, I have M and my son. And our 3 animals. M has a large family who have accepted me as a part, as if I am his true wife. My only living blood relative is my sister. We are estranged. I doubt if we will ever get over it. It has been this way for many, many years. In the past, the separation did not cost me much, now it does. I have regret. I do not see a way to change this. My sister has grievances against me, and believes she has a right to avenge them. When I was around my sister, I felt hurt by her. Looking back, maybe I was too thin-skinned. I do not know yet how to get a thicker skin, if somebody wants to hurt you, and will not see it. As far as having a network of friends that are like family, I do not have one. Very few people in my life I have trusted to the point that I let them really close to me. As I have gotten older I have become more and more wary of people. I had many, many friends as a young woman. Now, not so many. While I seem to draw people to me, I do not let people close enough to hurt me. I believe many people are limited in their responsibility to others. Likewise, I think some people, including myself, are not careful enough to not hurt others. I think the issue for me is that I am open and somewhat permeable in my boundaries. The only defense I really have is to keep myself distant. There is also the issue of the people one chooses to let close. Trustworthy or not. That is something I can learn to control. I understand now that even small disappointments at the hands of others fed into the deep despair and pain I had because I had not been well treated or loved by my family. Tiny hurts were amplified, because they triggered the big ones that I had so hard tried to suppress. Now that I understand this in a way that I can address it, I will work at trying to change it. [/QUOTE]
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