Who to believe???

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Deni, Sep 24, 2008.

  1. Deni

    Deni New Member

    After everything that has been going on, I get a call from difficult child's school today. The Principal tells me that difficult child stole one of his teacher's car keys and she is pressing charges!!! WHAT? I'm confused, please start from the beginning.

    The principal tells me that difficult child had the key in his gym locker and the key was in his "neatly" folded clothes.

    Uh...my difficult child doesn't do anything "neatly" but ok. Tuesday evening I received a call from the teacher telling me to ask difficult child where he "put" her key? difficult child tells me that another student took the key from him and threw it in his locker. After getting off the phone, I questioned this. difficult child tells me that the teacher GAVE difficult child her keys to get in the room to get 2 more basketball balls. After getting the balls, another student took the keys and took the car key off the ring and was playing with it. difficult child said he told the teacher and she didn't do anything. At the end of class, difficult child said the student threw the key in his locker when he was changing and he forgot to get the key out, "threw" his clothes and gym shoes in and took off to his next class so he wasn't late.

    Does anyone else see the differences in these 2 stories?

    When I talked to the teacher on Tuesday evening, I ask her if she wanted me to bring difficult child back to the school to help locate the key and she said, "No, that's okay. It's not that big of a deal." I thought this to be a little odd since it was her car key but went with it.

    Now she has pressed charges and difficult child has received another citation (that I will have to pay)or Theft under $50 for a key that was NO big deal the day before.

    I don't trust difficult child on too many stories but I actually believe him on this. Besides the fact that there is nothing he can do with the key (he does NOT know how to drive or what car belongs to her), I believe he just "threw" his clothes in his locker because he throws them all throughout the house. Not to mention, he has been doing very well in school this year and now that is gone! He had taken alot of pride of not getting in trouble at school. ANDDD...the principal said difficult child was concerned about the situation because of his probation. My difficult child has done alot of things but stealing is not one of them. While I know it is possible and he is FARRRRR from perfect, if difficult child was going to steal something...I'm thinking it would be something that he could use.

    I do plan on going to the school tomorrow to talk further to the Principal on this matter and I will fight this citation. Maybe they forgot I work in law enforcement and since the teacher "handed" difficult child her keys, it is NOT theft!!! And maybe she should have listened to difficult child when he told her the other student had the car key from her key ring.

    Any thoughts on this???
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2008
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    There are certainly inconsistencies to the two stories. I know I would question if they told me my difficult child ever had neatly folded clothes because that would be completely out of character. I think you are doing the right thing in talking to the principal and trying to get to the bottom of it. Is it possible the other student tried to set difficult child up?
  3. Deni

    Deni New Member

    I am not sure if this student was trying to set him up or not. difficult child really don't talk about his friends to me and hasn't for some time now. But then he never ask to go anywhere either.

  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well Im confused. If they found the key under neatly folded clothes...why would they call you to even have you offer to bring difficult child up there to look for the key?

    Im assuming this is a gym locker so these are gym clothes that stay at school? Are there 14 year old boys who fold their gym clothes neatly in their gym lockers? I havent met any. And...what teacher in her right mind hands her keys with her personal keys on them to students!
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    And no one talked to the other student? I bet he has a whopper of a tale, too. I'm so sorry for your frustration, and more sorry for your difficult child's loss of trust that it doesn't matter what he does, he will always be the trouble maker.
  6. hexemaus2

    hexemaus2 Old hand

    Personally? I'd get with the principle and arrange a meeting with the teacher, your child, and the other child all in the room at one time. I'd like to hear what everyone has to say when they're all in the same room and can't "fudge" any of the facts without being called out for it by the others who were there. I've done similar things when my difficult children' have had stories that didn't match someone elses. (Including the school.) It's surprising how similar the stories become when everyone involved is in the same room.

    I can understand your frustration. I've had similar situations with difficult child 1. She lies on a regular basis, but has never stolen anything. I never know whether to believe her side of a particular story or the other - even when it's something I've never known her to do. However, there's always that chance that maybe she has done something, so I'm never able to say 100% without a doubt that she did/didn't do anything...even something like stealing that she's never done before. I learned long ago never to say never with any of my kids (even my easy child.) Not that your difficult child isn't telling the truth - he may very well be. I've just learned to hear everyone's side of the story before deciding what I believe. And often that means getting everyone in the same room at the same time to get to the bottom of something.

    You can always present the idea to the Principle as an effort to keep everyone honest so you can get to the bottom of what is going on.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    This is an excellent point, Janet. Do they know your son has issues? My son had a principal before that locked him in a room (an administrator's office) where the keys to the school were laying on the desk. This principal knew my son had issues- we were going through the IEP eligibility process and he was in trouble legally for stealing. She later called me and police saying she wanted difficult child arrested for stealing keys to school because after an hour of him being in there, she searched his coat pocket and he had them. I threatened to pursue charges against her and call the media. She decided not to pursue it after the cop told her that I had a point and she might want to think about it. I'm not saying what my son did was right, but if he has an authority figure like that, he wasn't going to do "right".
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I agree with hexemaus on calling a meeting with everyone involved. I have done this when Miss KT told some wild story, and then her teacher called...I firmly believe in that old quote...there are three sides to every story...yours, mine, and the truth. The only way to really piece it together is to get all the players in the same room at the same time and listen carefully.
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm with you guys. Good Grief! DDD
  10. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    You can call the meeting but if the other student is present, I would be shocked if they would allow you to sit in on it. I've tried that and ALWAYS got the big "no way" because of it being a "privacy" matter with the other student. It would only be allowed if the other student's parent consented. It's very rare to get that kind of consent.

    Still, I would strongly request that the administration get to the bottom of this. I would agree, when all parties are in the room, the truth usually comes out.

    Frankly, I think the teacher was a big knuckle head for giving her keys to a student. What is up with that? A teacher can face disciplinary action for doing something like in my area. I'm not excusing what happened afterward, but the teacher got the whole balling rolling in this mess.
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just had to chuckle about what teacher in their right mind gives keys with personal keys on them to students? I always knew I wasn't in my right mind. I've done it several times, even sent kids to my car to get something. Of course, mine are 4th and 5th graders.
  12. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    The staff at my school has been strongly warned about giving students their keys, personal or otherwise.

    I meant no personal offense, but I do think it unwise.
  13. tonime

    tonime toni

    I think the meeting is a good idea also. This way difficult child also sees you are giving him a chance--you are not just believing other people over him. Especially, since he is doing well this year.Yet, you need to understand what happened. It is not easy-I know--like someone else just posted--never say never--I am learning that the hard way with my own difficult child
    good luck in getting to the bottom of it
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Absolutely, call a mtng with-everyone present.
    I also agree, that if the teacher agreed that she gave her keys to difficult child, she was way out of line. What a mess.
    That's pretty underhanded to says it's no big deal, then to say they're pressing charges. Either they're being passive-aggressive or the principal is on a power kick.