Who watches Dog Whisperer here????

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Oct 25, 2008.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    I was watching an episode of the Dog Whisperer last evening. The more I watched Cesaer handle a couple of out of control dogs, the more I compared it to my tweedles.

    And I began to consider his mantra on dealing with dogs. Exercise, discipline & affection ~ in that order.

    Exercise to work out the anxiety & defiance (exhaust them into submission) , then discipline to demonstrate order & teach the rules; finally affection.

    I know as parents, the affection & love are always there, but I started looking at what I had to do to help tweedles dee & dum. I had to detach in a very big way; I always had the exercise thing going to burn off steam & then there was cuddle time. Dog, child......dog, child......child, dog? Not that big a difference in some ways. ;)

    Another mantra is that the "pack leader" (mom & dad) needs to remain calm & assertive at all times.

    Can you imagine the amount of money we could have saved if the Dog Whisperer had been on 7 years ago? All I would have needed was a a couple of leashes & his book or video. :bigsmile:

    I say this "tongue in cheek" but in many basic ways it is how we need to deal with our difficult children.

    Who'da thunk? :coffee2::hammer::geek:

  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Linda, I love the simplicity of his approach.
    I think some of our kids are a little less "civilized" emotionally. They seem to react impulsively to stimuli for whatever reason. Their defense is to lash out before thinking about the situation. Over reaction to minor conflicts.

    I also agree that I probably worked too hard to keep his self esteem intact. Don't misunderstand, I believe it's important for kids to know that they are always loved and they should feel good about who they are but they also must have the ability to self reflect about what was wrong with their choice or behavior. I sometimes think that if I didn't acknowledge him when his behavior wasn't appropriate(like Cesar or Victoria) he may have changed it himself.

    My difficult child doesn't really recognize authority. He is forced to depend on us and people at school or work but he still thinks we are all on equal footing. He doesn't really get it despite us being pretty firm authority. It's why school and work as a young adult runs into complications. When reprimanded he goes into defense and anger because he is criticized. He doesn't quite get that we have the responsibility to teach and correct. Intellectually he knows we are in charge but he doesn't really get why. : (

    Anyhow, we are pack leaders but difficult child is missing the part where he can see the hierarchy of families or work. It's sad.

    Exercise, discipline(loving) then affection. In humans though, there must be teaching, humor and structure. in my humble opinion.

    There is a lot of common sense in the simplicity of exercise, discipline and then affection. Being pack leader comes with a lot of work and responsibility to do right by our pack.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I haven't watched the show a lot but have heard a lot of it from easy child. I sure understand what both you and Fran are saying. In some ways a lot of what the in home we've heard recently seems to relate to exercise, discipline, and affection.

    In relation to the exercise part, maybe it has a bit to do with why difficult child does a bit better in the summer, he much more active at that time with day camps than the rest of the year.

    Fran-Sounds exactly like my difficult child, minus the young adult and work part. difficult child has always felt he is on equal footing with adults. I remember even at his first IEP meeting how everyone said he say adults as his equals.
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I love that show. I agree with you on the exercise, discipline, and affection. Also the pack leader.

    Cesar also talks about setting up boundaries for the dog. The dog needs to know exactly what is expected. I think much of my problems is that I give my kids too many chances to expand or test those boundaries. As if to say, "If you can make a good choice in this area, your boundary will expand." And of course, they would never make a good choice but still expect that expanded boundary under, "But mom, you said .........." I guess I am a very slow learner. If I had just set the boundaries and stuck stern to them the kids wouldn't have been so disrespectful?
  5. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    My difficult child counselor asked husband and I to watch the show. At first I thought it was a bizarre request, but then I began to think about it. Of course at that time in our lives, I would have tried anything.

    difficult child is high energy, never sits still. Hmm, lets throw a bunch of exercise at her, sounds good to me. After the exercise, the mind is clear and ready to listen and learn.

    Counselor wanted us to understand the concept of a strong, calm, assertive pack leader. She wanted me not to get caught up in the whirlwind emotional difficult child struggle who will feed off my emotional reaction to her. I love the simplicity of the concept Cesar conveys.

    ;)I wish it could be just this easy. But some of what Cesar says rings true and can be applied to kids. He establishes exercise, boundaries and affection on his terms and not on the animal's demands. Smart.
  6. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Oh boy, SO loves that show. He immitates his accent and tries to poke me in the neck saying "Pack Leader" all the time. Drives me crazy. :tongue:

    I'll never tell him about this post. He will start doing it to difficult child too.:bigsmile:
    I do get what you are saying.lol

  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Love Cesar!!! If you ever watch any of the shows with his family in it especially his boys... it shows his connection to his family. He has a great connection and in all of his talks I have seen, he makes it very clear that he puts wife first and then his boys. But they all have the same rules... strict clear rules. And Momma needs to be Happy! He talks about the Alpha Female and how she is the pack leader!!!

    I wish it always applied also, but I do think the clear and concise part is true. They need to know what is expected, our dogs and family.
  8. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I'm a big fan of the Dog Whisperer.

    Though, I think dealing with human is can be more much complicated, the main elements of exercise, disipline, and affection that can have a positive impact on humans in general. When I exercise, I feel like it keeps the cobwebs out of my brain. I KNOW I think more clearly and calmly.

    Son is especially hyper. He is very active. I can't even imagine if he wasn't. He rides his bike, skateboards, runs, and hikes with the dogs.

    I am the pack leader at my house. Though, my difficult children have to be reminded constantly. Daughter, the other day, INFORMS me that she is going to be gone all weekend. Oh really now? You're telling ME?

    When your footin the bill, then you can TELL me.

    Love the show. Plus, I have used his techniques on Goldie when we got another dog. She turned aggressive towards her. Oh no you don't! My house and she is my dog too. I do power walks with them and make them walk right next to each other to reinforce their equal status to Goldie.

    Took a couple of months, but there's been no aggression in a long time.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    i agree. Although I haven't seen the show, I've done obedience with-all of our dogs and it really reinforces basic communication, routine and stability. I was doing a dog obedience class 17 yrs ago when I was promoted to supervisor at work, and it hit me really hard at the time--I was being way too verbal and complicated with-the employees and just needed to say, "Sit, Stay!" and be authoritative. You can't be a mgr if you're a wuss.
    Same with-parenting. :)
    Is that show on cable?
    Neat idea about the power walking, Dazed.
  10. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    LOL very funny analogy. I've watched the show and Cesar is very good. I wonder though. He has never had a dog bite him. I feel like I'm getting bit in the A all the time. I say do something am I'm firm but then ds does whatever he feels like after yelling and screaming and figuratively biting me. If I make a correction and be monotone and repeat my request he still tries to "bite me". I'm sick of getting "bit". I feel like I want a new dog LOL!
  11. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I have seen him get bit! Pretty bad.
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Two big thumbs up from husband and I. I wish I had understood this when the kids were younger.
  13. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    I'm envious of his calmness around those dogs............difficult child LOVES to watch that show.
  14. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I hope I didn't offend anyone. As I was watching last night it hit me how much of his approach could be used with our difficult children. AND I acknowledge the need for our children to be taught beyond the basics (though I'd be delighted to see wm sit & stay just once).

    Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) children rarely acknowledge a pack leader so it became somewhat of a fantasy.

    My children have been on my mind a great deal lately. More so than normal. I've reflected & worried. The tweedles are so much closer to adulthood & time is passing quickly. And I'm finding it difficult to find supports for kt & wm; I have to be more on the ball than I am at this time. I have to be mentally available; instead I'm sleeping & scurrying about for tests & treatments.

    Oh well, I'm hanging onto the Dog Whisperer fantasy/dream. At this time, I need it ~ I may apply some of the psychology with kt....


    Again, I hope no one was offended.
  15. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    well, I have been know to ask in the past why can't I crate train the kids??? (I'm kidding).
  16. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I certainly wasn't offended, Linda. I "got" what you meant.

    I know that responding to my difficult children with calmness, like Cesar does with even the most aggressive dogs, is something that I always struggle with. I feel so angry with them at times because of frustration. Yet, when I blow-up (meltdown), it only makes it worse.

    Terry: The Dog Whisperer is on the National Geographic channel.
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Nope. Not only because I love dogs :) but because I took it in the spirit in which it was offered.

    I have to be mentally available; instead I'm sleeping & scurrying about for tests & treatments.

    Hey, been there done that! I know exactly what you mean. It's like a treadmill.
  18. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    No offense taken. Parenting takes creativity and thinking out of the box. We see answers in lots of different areas. I know you were not refering our relationships with the kids to treat them as we treat our pets but that you did see some things that may help strength our skills in some level of disciplining and teaching.

    Wonder how Ceasar would address the "talking back" issue. Haven't seen a dog do that one?
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Actually, our collie talks back. But we treated it like a joke and imitated him and egged him on. He is very vocal.
    I wonder how much we egg on our kids but don't realize we're doing it? IOW, instead of arguing with-them, just repeat the command, i.e. "Sit," and walk away, expecting them to behave. Too often, we engage them, just like I did with-our dog. Now, looking back on it, it's also what I did too often with-my difficult child in the early yrs.

    Ah, to go back in time with-the knowledge I have now ...
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2008
  20. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    LOL! Then Ceasar may say, "Do not talk back!"? He does cover how our actions feed into or allows behaviors to continue.