"Why am I like this, mom?"

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Aug 14, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I have a new 'neice'

    difficult child and I went to the hospital tonight to meet her. I told him he HAD to be safe there or they wouldn't let him be around the baby (and he LOVES babies). He had a rough day at school - had to be held for a brief period and missed dance class, and you could see him working to control himself tonight.

    He was BEAUTIFUL at the hospital. He held his new cousin and kissed her head and just beamed with pride. We didn't push it, tho, and left within about 15 minutes.

    As we walked out, we met 2 women walking in with 3 boys that appeared to be around the same age as difficult child 2. He said "they sure have a bunch of boys". Yup, they do. Then he said "I bet they get pretty wild." And I said "Maybe, but maybe not. Not all kids get wild."

    He thought about that a while as we walked to the car. Then he said "I wish not being wild was easier for me. Why am I like this, mom?"
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Miss KT asked me the other night, "Why do I have ADHD?" I gave her the reasons why I believe she has it...but I don't know what I would have said if she'd asked me at 6. It's so sad that they already know there's a difference and it causes problems, and none of us have a magic answer.

    Hugs to you both.
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2008
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    And how did you answer?

    That is one of the hardest questions we face. My answer may have been something like:

    "Like what?" (good to know exactly what we are dealing with)

    "Everyone is different. We all have challenges to overcome. You need to decide what kind of person you want to be and work toward that. I was so proud of how you were so careful with the baby. You really like babies don't you?"

    "It is hard sometimes to remember to be the way we want. It is very easy to get wild. If you know that you do not want to be so wild, you can work on that. Maybe I can help. Shall we come up with a plan?"
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I just said I didn't know why he's that way, but we know he has to work harder at staying calm, but I know he can do it becase he just did. He was SO good with the baby and he worked hard to do that. I told him if he kept practicing, and we kept helping him, it would get easier.

    My sister in law was hesitant to let him hold the baby, but she did, and he was SO proud.; I am so glad she let him. Not sure I woudl have.l
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Awwww, my heart just broke a little. :crying:

    I really don't like the expression, "It's not fair", but dammit, it's NOT fair what are kiddos have to overcome. They didn't ask for it, they didn't ask for life to be harder, they didn't ask to have to struggle for what the rest of the society considers normal.

    Good answer, too. Give him a hug for me.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My heart broke a little too. It is so dang hard to see our kids struggle for every tiny milestone, esp the ones other people dont' realize ARE milestones!

    Sending hugs
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    My heart broke too! And it's NOT fair. We have a bunch of really neat kids with a ton to offer. Sigh. Hugs to you both.
  8. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    You were kind and truthful. Very important in my humble opinion.

    I told difficult child and tell him still that there are tools he can use to help him to manage but it is his choice to use them. Sometimes difficult child does and sometimes it doesn't. When difficult child was younger, I would talk to him and ask him to visualize where he was going and what he would do so that he had planned his behavior. It works pretty good but he doesn't seem to be able to do it on his own.
  9. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I knew you would handle it perfectly. Huge thank you to sister in law for handing over the baby. My easy child is one of the 1st people I would hand a brand new baby to, however, when my friend had her daughter I found myself a tad nervous when easy child was allowed to hold her. :)

    As hard as these moments are, they really can be those light bulb goes on moments for our kids.

    Hope you can visit that baby often. The baby has an awesome cousin.
  10. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Awww. How wonderful that difficult child was so good at the hospital. It is sad that our little ones have to fight so hard to do things that most just take for granted and don't even realize they're doing.

    You handled the conversation beautifully, Shari.
    Hugs to you and your wee difficult child.
  11. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Sniff. You handled it beautifully and so did he. No one, let alone our precious children, should have to go through these challenges. I love how you told him he had to work on it and you would help. That had to be such a huge relief to him. Take a bow. Tell sister in law to take a bow for her trust. Your son should get an extra special hug from you for all of us. I'm willing to bet I speak for all when I say we're very proud of him!