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Why am I NOT getting this?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 674898" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>BG, I think you ARE "getting it".....however, "getting it" isn't what you may believe it to be. "Getting it" is accepting that this is the road we are on, right or wrong, good or bad, it is what it is. Your son, my daughter live unpredictable, often unsafe, odd lives we don't understand......when we believe we can change, alter, control or fix those lives, we suffer. When we land in a place where we "get" that we are powerless and we can tolerate the uncertainty and chaos without jumping in to help......at least in my experience, we've accepted what is. That acceptance is what brings peace. </p><p></p><p>Our kids don't always change, we do. You've changed, I hear it in your words..........and sometimes we revisit the pain of it, the sadness of it, I do that as well........but those moments are less now. As they are for you. Look back a year ago and try to recall how you felt then. You've made a lot of progress, but when a bump in the road makes us fall, I think we tend to think we are back at square one........but you are not.....it is a slow process for all of us.</p><p></p><p>I think it's important to acknowledge how far we've come. You're moving along at the exact right trajectory for you, so you can look each of these issues in the eye and accept them one by one. My daughter was homeless in the winter too, I understand the pain in your heart about that...and one Thanksgiving eve, a year or two ago, on a cold night when she was homeless, she called to ask to stay with me.......and I said no. That was the hardest no I ever said. But it changed something in me when I saw my daughter the following day and she was just fine. Our kids make their own choices and their choices bring suffering to our doorstep.......and then one day.....they make the choice and we don't suffer. It arrives slowly, it sort of sneaks in, but one day the suffering is just not there. It happens when it happens.......</p><p></p><p>This is such a difficult path BG, a path not one of us would wish on another. But it is the path we are on. And, you are never alone, all of us here are right there with you, we know exactly how you feel right now, we've all been there. Hang in there, this too shall pass.</p><p></p><p>Sending you hugs and very warm, understanding wishes for you to find that peace you are after. That was my goal too. I thought, if I can have peace, in the midst of this firestorm, I will be okay. And, I have found that peace. It is not a constant, I fall out of it, but I have the tools you have and I use them. Use your tools, as you have writing your story for us here.........open that toolbox and use them all.</p><p></p><p>((((HUGS))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 674898, member: 13542"] BG, I think you ARE "getting it".....however, "getting it" isn't what you may believe it to be. "Getting it" is accepting that this is the road we are on, right or wrong, good or bad, it is what it is. Your son, my daughter live unpredictable, often unsafe, odd lives we don't understand......when we believe we can change, alter, control or fix those lives, we suffer. When we land in a place where we "get" that we are powerless and we can tolerate the uncertainty and chaos without jumping in to help......at least in my experience, we've accepted what is. That acceptance is what brings peace. Our kids don't always change, we do. You've changed, I hear it in your words..........and sometimes we revisit the pain of it, the sadness of it, I do that as well........but those moments are less now. As they are for you. Look back a year ago and try to recall how you felt then. You've made a lot of progress, but when a bump in the road makes us fall, I think we tend to think we are back at square one........but you are not.....it is a slow process for all of us. I think it's important to acknowledge how far we've come. You're moving along at the exact right trajectory for you, so you can look each of these issues in the eye and accept them one by one. My daughter was homeless in the winter too, I understand the pain in your heart about that...and one Thanksgiving eve, a year or two ago, on a cold night when she was homeless, she called to ask to stay with me.......and I said no. That was the hardest no I ever said. But it changed something in me when I saw my daughter the following day and she was just fine. Our kids make their own choices and their choices bring suffering to our doorstep.......and then one day.....they make the choice and we don't suffer. It arrives slowly, it sort of sneaks in, but one day the suffering is just not there. It happens when it happens....... This is such a difficult path BG, a path not one of us would wish on another. But it is the path we are on. And, you are never alone, all of us here are right there with you, we know exactly how you feel right now, we've all been there. Hang in there, this too shall pass. Sending you hugs and very warm, understanding wishes for you to find that peace you are after. That was my goal too. I thought, if I can have peace, in the midst of this firestorm, I will be okay. And, I have found that peace. It is not a constant, I fall out of it, but I have the tools you have and I use them. Use your tools, as you have writing your story for us here.........open that toolbox and use them all. ((((HUGS)))) [/QUOTE]
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