Why am I so reluctant

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Wiped Out, Nov 12, 2008.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    to try medications for myself? I did once, a few years ago, but didn't like how I felt and started gaining weight so I stopped before it even had a chance to kick in. It was Lexapro.

    Then, for the past few years I've felt like I've been dealing with everything fairly well and hadn't really felt depressed (at least nothing I couldn't cope with).

    Still don't know if I'm depressed but I know I am struggling lately.

    Besides the usual stress of difficult child, there is mega stress with easy child, and this year work is stressful to a point (lots of difficult children and behaviors but as soon as I get home I let it go because I'm dealing with my own kids' issues). Not only difficult child issues at work but a new administrator as well and she has a lot of us on edge.

    Anyhow, the past few days I notice I've been having heart palpitations (sp?) that I'm sure must be related to stress. In addition today, I felt a very odd pulsating in my right ear (sort of like when you have water in your ear only I don't and when I feel myself getting more upset or anxious it seem to get worse).

    Also, I notice my patience is at an all time low-little things are really wearing at me.

    I had an appointment. with my therapist tonight (whom I love) and she thinks it may be time for me to try a medication just for awhile-nothing long term. She thinks maybe something like Paxil (although she stated she's not a doctor, just her layperson's recommendation) because she thinks depression and anxiety go hand in hand and mine may be more on the anxiety end (which I agree) and she says Paxil can be good for the anxiety.

    So, why am I sitting here not wanting to call my doctor tomorrow? I know there is nothing wrong with needing to take medications. Why do I feel like I should just be able to deal with everything, that maybe if I just do more exercising or try to relax more it should be enough?

    Thanks for listening!
  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I don't know why you are reluctant. Maybe the feelings of anxiety and depression are interfering with your ability to problem solve.
    I'm a firm believer that if something isn't working get advice and fix it.
    There sure isn't a person alive who doesn't go through bouts of depression. When it doesn't ease up after a while, you may need to help it along.
    Our lives with difficult children certainly sets us up for situational depression and anxiety.
    Your life has been particularly difficult these last few months. Find something or someway that helps you feel better.
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member


    I can share in your feelings, I have had the same as of late. I tried medication's once last year, I wanted to drive my truck into a wall and really got let's just say very unhealthy. After 3 weeks I weaned myself off which by the way was an absolute nightmare, terrible headachs, pains in my head.

    I think alot of times (now not referring to difficult child's) that we are a society with whom doesn't want to "feel bad", we expect ourselves to always "feel good", handle everything extremely well, never falter or feel exhausted or feel overwhelmed. Alot of ppl look for a quick fix to the solution, what pill can I take to relieve the pain i'm feeling.

    Yet with age, I have learned that sometimes (not in all circumstances) we need to be patient with ourselves and allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling. If it wasn't for the low's and the struggles we wouldn't enjoy, nor truly feel gratification for the truly good moments.

    Now, with that being said I'm talking about as you had said sudden anxiety due to pressure, our difficult child's, home streses, and work. I'm not talking about ppl diagnosis with things that truly require medications in order to get through our days.

    There is alot we can do I beleive. I have done them, slowly to relieve the pressure create the increase of the right chemicals that already exist in my mind. I've implemented meditation, alone time (lock myself in bathroom if I have to), also walking is a big reducer, waking up a little bit early to enjoy a cup of coffee uniterrupted by a difficult child.

    Yet if you have tried various things, such as that or things you could think of and have time for and you are getting no relief than yes I'd say call dr. and see what he advises maybe a low dosage of something will give you the relief that you need.

    I spoke to my doctor a few weeks ago, my anxiety was at it's worst, i was dissociating at times and all. A real trip, and it was really scary. Than after speaking to the dr. he said i think you can do this on your own. So, I increaesed my omega's, my B-12's and all the other vitamins, began drinking more green tea at night instead of regular tea, drink kava kava during day when i'd feel over the edge, cut back the caffeinne.

    So, in closing don't be too upset with yourself for wondering why you can't make that call, your just processing where you are right now.

    Are there any things in which you can think of that you could possibly implement to relieve some of the stress, that you haven't tried as of yet??

    Just my thoughts. I am sorry you are feeling such pressure. I also got the same things you described and i attributed to stress, my doctor said so also.

    I wish you luck whatever your decision is :)
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    I say "go for it". Although I am at the other end of the spectrum feeling like it may be time to stop them. I've been off and (mostly on) with medications for the past 10 years (same age as difficult child hmmm) and wonder if I've become dependent, OR, if I really need them and likely will for the rest of my life.
  5. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    You know yourself best, but I would also suggest a visit to your family doctor to get some thyroid labs run. I will tell you that when I was hyper thyroid, I had palpitations, could hear my heart beat in my ears and I was very short and snappy and had anxiety. The first thing I notice when my thyroid levels are hyper is anxiety, anger and I'm in high gear. It never hurts to check. I hope you get to feeling better.
  6. MyFriendKita

    MyFriendKita Member

    I also thought exercise would bring me out of my depression, but for me, it just kept getting worse. I wish now I hadn't waited so long to go back on medication (I tried it once two years ago with good results). I think trying to wait it out lets it get a better grip on you, and then it takes even longer to get better.
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I would talk very seriously with your doctor about which side effects bothered you, and any others that you may be concerned about. You're feeling like you need help, so it's a good time to become informed and work with him or her on what might help.

    Good luck!
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{Sharon}} I hope you have called your DR and made an appointment.

    Not sure of your age or circumstances but a lot of what you descibe I feel as well, and the bottom line was that most of what I am feeling has been attributed to my perimeno as well as simple anxiety from feeling overwhelmed by my family life and job. I hate to say this next line, but, 'as we age', we do not process information and stressful situations as well as we did years ago. Especially if there are hormones involved and especially if we are not doing anything for ourselves such as eating healthy and getting daily movement (aka exercise).

    For me, when I get into a slump (like I am currently in), I will have a moment of clarity during which I can step back and see that I haven't been eating well, sleeping well or getting enough movement. So, I started back on Wellbutrin (I tend to need it in the late winters through early Spring) to first help me get out of my slump, which I am beginning to feel some benefit from. I have started to try and make it a goal to be in bed by 10PM and I've been deligating more at home. My next steps, when time permits and I am up to it, is to incorporate more movement into my daily life. In the meantime I am not worrying too much about what I eat except that I'm trying to steer clear of excess sugar and fats. When I'm taking care of myself, much of my feelings of being overwhelmed and anxiety tend to taper off a bit and I find that I can function better and with more patience.

    When you speak with your DR, be honest about your daily way of living, eating, sleep habits, etc. She may suggest a low dose medication temporarily to simply give you the time you need to get back into the swing of things and care for yourself. Take it one step at a time. Don't be afraid to ask many questions so you can get to the point of feeling okay about possibly taking the right medication for you. And as you know, sometimes the first medication of choice isn't the best so you may have to try something else.

    Hugs - I sure hope you feel better soon!
  9. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I am a serious medaphobic. (I know that's not a real word, but it works.) My couple stints with anti-depressants were horrible and coming off of them was even worse. Never tolerated birth control pills, hence a tubiligation. Major side effects with antibiotics. Cholesteral medications were awful.

    So basically, I'm a walking time bomb with very high cholesteral, high blood pressure that can't have any more children. Wait...that's a good thing.:D

    So, yes, I understand your reluctance. I just don't take them anymore. No advice other than if you have a REALLY good doctor who actually listens to you.

  10. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    I used to be like you and think I should just be able to get over it. Then, 4 years ago, things were at an especially low point and I decided to try an a/d. The very first day, I noticed that I wasn't irritated by all the little things any more. I hadn't thought that was part of my problem. I just thought anyone would be irritated by what I had to put up with. I still felt like myself but I just wasn't bothered by the little things and I could stop dwelling on the big problems.

    That convinced me that brain chemistry has a lot to do with how we feel and even what we think. It helped me make the decision to put my difficult child on medications because it didn't seem right to expect her to overcome her brain chemistry problems when it could be helped by medications.

    I do think it is possible to change brain chemistry by more natural means but finding out what your natural solution is might take a long time. We were lucky enough to find a special diet that worked for us but probably there are many different answers for different people. I'm not sure it is as easy as exercise and a healthy diet for every one.

    difficult child 2 took Paxil very briefly before we had to take her off from it for side effects. That was the last a/d she took before her health declined. I really think it was her health and not the Paxil causing what we thought were side effects. Everything I read at the time said that Paxil was one of the worst to withdraw from, though. So if you are wanting to take an a/d for a short time, Paxil might not be a good one. Do the research on it before you go to the psychiatrist or do another post here for other people's experience.
  11. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been worried about you for awhile. I don't know why it's been hard for you to ask for help. I just hope by the time you read this you will have already phoned your doctor.

    I think you've already taken the first step by posting here. Knowing that you need some help to get through a difficult period is a sign of strength.

    Sending lots of hugs and caring thoughts your way... WFEN
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    No advice- just wanted to offer support. I understand your feelings about this. I have trouble with medications for a few reasons and try to find ways to cope without them. That doesn't mean it always works or that it's the best answer for everyone.
  13. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Chronic stress has a way of squashing our energy, our motivation, our ability to take care of ourself and even just the little things in life. It weakens your system.
    Sometimes we just get to a point where our own coping skills (like exercise, meditation, talk therapy, etc.) are just not enough protection against stress. Maybe it's because we're older, or the stressors are different or too great, or our hormones are further complicating things. The right medications can help build that system back up in time so that you're back to your "old self" and better able to handle the demands of life, especially a life with difficult child's. If Lexapro wasn't right for you, perhaps a different class of antidepressant is worth a try.

    My husband did very well on Paxil, however his anxiety was a sort of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)-ish kind. Ruminative. Some people's anxiety is more of a panic type. For some it's a phobic type. For others (like me) is just a steady-state, free-form anxiety which can morph into depression. And there are different medications to address those specific reasons for the anxiety/depression.

    I hope you found the strength the pick up the phone by now and call. You're so busy taking care of everyone else that it's easy to run out of steam for yourself, but it's important to do.

    Sending HUGS and encouragement... hang in there!
  14. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I have been struggling with the same thing, and for now have decided to go the herbal route. I am not sure if it is the right thing, but we never know untill we try. To me, the problem with needing medications was that I felt like I was admitting failure. I do know that is not the case, but feelings are not logical. I have been taking St John's wort, b vitamins, and omega 3s for about 2 weeks and I feel better. I am calmer, not as irritable, and my fog seems to have lifted.

    If you need medications, do it. I certainly had to do something, I could not stand my self any longer.
  15. Jena

    Jena New Member


    You certainly got alot of feedback from us!! LOL you knew you would.

    It's all up to you, you know you best. YOu'll make the right decision. Id' just hate to see you suffering side effects with holidays and demands of them upon us. Yet if your having a rough time of it everyday than do it.

    So, have you tried any of those things I said i had tried? They helped me get a little more focused and stopped me from jumping all over the place. Just remember your only human we all have a limitation of what we can handle.

  16. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi Sharon,
    I know for myself that it took many years for me to finally try a medicine to help relieve my depression...at Great urging by the board, once upon a time, because it was Very obvious that I was in tremendous emotional pain. So I finally took Lexapro...it relieved the depression, mostly for me, but also had "side effects" namely mania.

    I also got "hooked" on Klonpin for awhile and went through a fairly serious physical withdrawal over that medication.

    I have since been diagnosis with Bipolar and now take Abilify but like you, had started gaining weight, and it was REally bothering me so I switched medications for awhile.
    I am Back on the Abilify...regardless of the weight issue now because I simply love how this medication affects me and my emotional state is more important to me than my body weight at this point.

    I hope if you Really need the help that you will accept it. Maybe the Paxil WILL work better than Lexapro did for you. Sure sounds like you are under alot of stress and could use some relief.

    Hope you find what works For YOU.
  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    First off, thank you all for your input. I haven't called my dr. yet but will probably do so on Monday when the nurse I feel more comfortable with is working.

    Very true and good advice!

    Jennifer-Good points-I do actually try to do a lot to take care of me. I get alone time, I exercise regularly and try to eat healthy. All of that usually works for me-lately not so much.

    Ml-I think it may be time for me to give it a try.

    Momto3-Interesting thought about the thryoid. I do have hypothyroid but maybe my medications are goofed up right now. My sister had hypo and it's very rare but hers is correcting itself and going towards hyper-don't know if that could happen to me or not.

    Rm1976-I've always thought too and believe the exercise has helped me cope with a lot but for now it just isn't doing enough.

    Witz-Thanks for the good advice!

    Jo-I'm 45 but went through a very early menopause (age 20 or 21). I still take hrt so don't know if I could be going through some of the psychological effects of peri? I agree about the eating healthy and exercising. Other than the two weeks off for my back I do exercise regularly (4-5 times a week-although a few times this Fall it's only been about 3 times). I try to eat healthy but it's a struggle for me. I do work for ww and am at my goal weight but I know I could cut out more. Sleep is something that does get disrupted at times-so that could be something.

    Abbey-I've been sort of a medaphobic too for myself except for the stuff I have to have for my Addison's, Hypothyroidism, and Ovarian Failure-can't live with-o them! Other than that I have tried to take care of myself without other medications.

    Fairlyoddparent-Your right about the brain chemistry thing. My therapist thinks I just might need to use something to get me through for awhile until things hopefully are a bit less stressful. She thinks I have been under an even more extreme amt of stress lately than usual. Thanks also for the tips about the Paxil.

    WFEN--Thanks for the encouragement. It was hard for me to post about this. I appreciate the support!

    Klmno-Thanks for the support!

    Gvcmom-I think you are hitting the nail on the head about the chronic stress. I think it may be wreaking havoc with my system. That and now that I'm thinking of it many people with Addison's Disease don't deal well with stress because of the lack of cortisol in our bodies-maybe it is catching up with me.

    Crazymama-I'm glad the herbal route is helping! I never know with all the medications I take for my gland failures would be effected by the herbs-probably not-maybe something to check into.

    Tammy-Thanks for sharing your story. I know it's probably time, the heart paliptations are scary to me as is the strange feeling in my ear.

    Again, thank you all and I hope I didn't miss anyone!