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Why am I suffering
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 688405" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Good Morning Love,</p><p></p><p></p><p>I appreciate you wanting to be there to help your daughter, however you are not helping. You have crossed the line to enabling. I understand that it hurts to see your daughter struggle but it is that struggle that she grow. You are allowing her to manipulate you, she is using your emotions against you.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Again, this kind of comment is pure manipulation. Your relationship with your husband is just that, it's YOUR relationship. She does not have a say in that. As parents, when our children are small we put their needs first but then they grow into adults the dynamics of the relationship change, or it should. Our children are supposed to launch on their own to live their own lives and take care of themselves. We the parents are now able to turn our focus back to ourselves, to do those things that we may have put on hold while raised our children. This is YOUR time. Your daughter is an adult.</p><p></p><p></p><p>More manipulation. She is trying to make you feel guilty for choosing your husband. Do not allow her to do this.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This my dear friend is where you have the power to take control of YOUR life. Your energy reserves are like a bank account and you my dear are overdrawn! You cannot continue to give and give and give without depositing something. You have to yourself first and take care of yourself.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You are having trouble saying NO because you do not have clear boundaries set. </p><p>This is something you need to do for yourself and in return this is a behavior that your daughter can learn from you.</p><p></p><p>If you are able financially I would suggest you get some counseling for yourself. A good counselor (unlike the one your daughter went to) will be able to help you learn how to set healthy boundaries.</p><p>If that won't work for you then there are numerous youtube videos that can help you. Today is the day you can start to take your life back. It won't happen all at once but if you do a little each day you will get there. It all starts with changing the way you think and see things. I know it's possible because I and many others here have done it and you can too.</p><p></p><p>Here is a link to a video on setting boundaries.</p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]q-0ZxtCA8pc[/MEDIA]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 688405, member: 18516"] Good Morning Love, I appreciate you wanting to be there to help your daughter, however you are not helping. You have crossed the line to enabling. I understand that it hurts to see your daughter struggle but it is that struggle that she grow. You are allowing her to manipulate you, she is using your emotions against you. Again, this kind of comment is pure manipulation. Your relationship with your husband is just that, it's YOUR relationship. She does not have a say in that. As parents, when our children are small we put their needs first but then they grow into adults the dynamics of the relationship change, or it should. Our children are supposed to launch on their own to live their own lives and take care of themselves. We the parents are now able to turn our focus back to ourselves, to do those things that we may have put on hold while raised our children. This is YOUR time. Your daughter is an adult. More manipulation. She is trying to make you feel guilty for choosing your husband. Do not allow her to do this. This my dear friend is where you have the power to take control of YOUR life. Your energy reserves are like a bank account and you my dear are overdrawn! You cannot continue to give and give and give without depositing something. You have to yourself first and take care of yourself. You are having trouble saying NO because you do not have clear boundaries set. This is something you need to do for yourself and in return this is a behavior that your daughter can learn from you. If you are able financially I would suggest you get some counseling for yourself. A good counselor (unlike the one your daughter went to) will be able to help you learn how to set healthy boundaries. If that won't work for you then there are numerous youtube videos that can help you. Today is the day you can start to take your life back. It won't happen all at once but if you do a little each day you will get there. It all starts with changing the way you think and see things. I know it's possible because I and many others here have done it and you can too. Here is a link to a video on setting boundaries. [MEDIA=youtube]q-0ZxtCA8pc[/MEDIA] [/QUOTE]
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