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Why am I suffering
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 688458" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome. I agree with everybody else.</p><p></p><p>Especially this:All of us were where you are now. Exhausted. Desperate. Afraid. Lost.</p><p></p><p>Coming here changes everything. We have hit our bottom and we find a place to rest, while we begin to think instead of react, and identify and try on new ways of thinking, acting, being. Let me tell you. It works.</p><p>Most of us were too enmeshed with our kids. But we did not know how to live any other way. </p><p></p><p>We did not allow ourselves to know anything else. Whether fear, or guilt, or whatever. </p><p></p><p>Have you read the article of detachment which is here on the site? Cedar, below her signature has a helpful link?</p><p></p><p>There is nothing wrong with you. Remember that. What you will find is options, and with those you will find strength. </p><p></p><p>Now is the time to rest. First, that. Try to think about a way that you can live the next few days, to replenish yourself. </p><p>Your daughter is manipulating you. If she has feelings of insecurity or inferiority it is the age where she needs to find a self-help group or therapist and deal with her feelings. Or not. Her choice. </p><p></p><p>You are neither her punching bag, her savior or her Mommy. You are the mother of a grown woman. Whether she accepts that or not, now, is secondary. In time she will. The important thing is that you begin thinking this way, little by little: you and she now are both grown women, equal in responsibilities. Her needs are not more important than your own. The reverse are true. Your needs and wants come first.</p><p></p><p>You need not, and I believe must not listen to her criticism and whining. It is abusive to you and it is very hurtful to her. She needs to find a way to deal with her own problems and to handle herself and her life.</p><p></p><p>It took me about 5 months on the site where I was able to take control of our communications. But I did.I tell my son. I will not hear xx or xx. If he crosses that line, I stop the conversation. </p><p></p><p>Loveneverends, I am so glad you are here with us. Believe us when we tell you it gets better. For you and for your child.</p><p></p><p>I do hope you keep posting. It helps. Sleep tight. (I read mysteries, fluffy old lady, cozy mysteries. And drink tea. And I keep the dogs near. Somehow this helps me.)</p><p></p><p>Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 688458, member: 18958"] Welcome. I agree with everybody else. Especially this:All of us were where you are now. Exhausted. Desperate. Afraid. Lost. Coming here changes everything. We have hit our bottom and we find a place to rest, while we begin to think instead of react, and identify and try on new ways of thinking, acting, being. Let me tell you. It works. Most of us were too enmeshed with our kids. But we did not know how to live any other way. We did not allow ourselves to know anything else. Whether fear, or guilt, or whatever. Have you read the article of detachment which is here on the site? Cedar, below her signature has a helpful link? There is nothing wrong with you. Remember that. What you will find is options, and with those you will find strength. Now is the time to rest. First, that. Try to think about a way that you can live the next few days, to replenish yourself. Your daughter is manipulating you. If she has feelings of insecurity or inferiority it is the age where she needs to find a self-help group or therapist and deal with her feelings. Or not. Her choice. You are neither her punching bag, her savior or her Mommy. You are the mother of a grown woman. Whether she accepts that or not, now, is secondary. In time she will. The important thing is that you begin thinking this way, little by little: you and she now are both grown women, equal in responsibilities. Her needs are not more important than your own. The reverse are true. Your needs and wants come first. You need not, and I believe must not listen to her criticism and whining. It is abusive to you and it is very hurtful to her. She needs to find a way to deal with her own problems and to handle herself and her life. It took me about 5 months on the site where I was able to take control of our communications. But I did.I tell my son. I will not hear xx or xx. If he crosses that line, I stop the conversation. Loveneverends, I am so glad you are here with us. Believe us when we tell you it gets better. For you and for your child. I do hope you keep posting. It helps. Sleep tight. (I read mysteries, fluffy old lady, cozy mysteries. And drink tea. And I keep the dogs near. Somehow this helps me.) Take care. [/QUOTE]
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