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Why am I suffering
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<blockquote data-quote="Love never ends" data-source="post: 688494" data-attributes="member: 20371"><p>Thankyou for your reply it seems you have a much clearer head than me and that gives me real hope as you say you was in my place not so long ago ... I think I get lost in the society that tells you your kids must always come first and you should always be there for your kids and you chose to have them .. I hear these sorts of things come from mothers who have saintly kids that all they need to do is phone once a week to see how there working week has been or the saintly kid rings to properly take there mother out to lunch on day of etc .... I've got myself in a real muddle I'm tired mentally and physically which makes everything seem impossible ... I'm sitting here now thinking it's Monday I don't think I can get through another week, will try to break it into one day at a time I think someone put step by step which is good to remember. She is an adult in years but seems so behind mentally but also very clever to say just the right things to make me feel this guilt .... She says to me when I have kids I will give them my last penny or my kids will always know they are loved ( I tell and show her everyday she is loved I don't think I've missed a day telling her and I've given her thousands of pounds and still giving ) She gets her benefit money and I top it up and buy her food as she normally runs out, but buys a pack of cigarettes a day ! When I say it's smoking or eating she says mum smoking is all I have and it's an addiction ! ( I know it's hard to give up I'm not a smoker but I do know it's a drug so is not easy to stop, however if your determined or hungry enough you can go to the doctor to get patches or some help ) But she doesn't bother and I won't see her hungry it makes me upset and nervous ... I can only relax when I know she is happy this is madness I know as in return she ends up happy ( for 5 mins ) and me I end up so unhappy for years. I hope I get to these boundaries you have reached with your son as reading them seemed so good and I'm pretty sure you and him benefit. I'm clearly at my lowest but with all these replies it helps to know I'm not mad or a bad mum or a wicked mum I'm just maybe a mum who has set no boundaries due to being manipulated for so long. When setting these boundaries did your son flare up into your this that and the other as I know my daughter will and the thought feels me with dread as that's when she gets into everything is my fault and I have very little self esteem and I crumble thinking I'm wicked and an awful mum and have wrecked her life. Her life growing up was so comfortable I never missed a day picking her up from school, she had friends home, went to after school activities, we always sat and talked about her day through dinner, I played with her thousands of games and always read her bedtime story kissed her and told her I loved her. Her room was always beautiful warm and changed through her ages so it was always up to date, she had own bathroom and beautiful doors leading to a balcony ( which later become an ashtray ) Writing this down I know I was not a bad mummy but the minute she starts I forget all this and think it's all my fault yet I've done nothing. Can you give a child too much I wonder or is it just in them regardless, as the more stories I read the more I think its nature not nurture Love to you and I hope I find the strength you have xx</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Love never ends, post: 688494, member: 20371"] Thankyou for your reply it seems you have a much clearer head than me and that gives me real hope as you say you was in my place not so long ago ... I think I get lost in the society that tells you your kids must always come first and you should always be there for your kids and you chose to have them .. I hear these sorts of things come from mothers who have saintly kids that all they need to do is phone once a week to see how there working week has been or the saintly kid rings to properly take there mother out to lunch on day of etc .... I've got myself in a real muddle I'm tired mentally and physically which makes everything seem impossible ... I'm sitting here now thinking it's Monday I don't think I can get through another week, will try to break it into one day at a time I think someone put step by step which is good to remember. She is an adult in years but seems so behind mentally but also very clever to say just the right things to make me feel this guilt .... She says to me when I have kids I will give them my last penny or my kids will always know they are loved ( I tell and show her everyday she is loved I don't think I've missed a day telling her and I've given her thousands of pounds and still giving ) She gets her benefit money and I top it up and buy her food as she normally runs out, but buys a pack of cigarettes a day ! When I say it's smoking or eating she says mum smoking is all I have and it's an addiction ! ( I know it's hard to give up I'm not a smoker but I do know it's a drug so is not easy to stop, however if your determined or hungry enough you can go to the doctor to get patches or some help ) But she doesn't bother and I won't see her hungry it makes me upset and nervous ... I can only relax when I know she is happy this is madness I know as in return she ends up happy ( for 5 mins ) and me I end up so unhappy for years. I hope I get to these boundaries you have reached with your son as reading them seemed so good and I'm pretty sure you and him benefit. I'm clearly at my lowest but with all these replies it helps to know I'm not mad or a bad mum or a wicked mum I'm just maybe a mum who has set no boundaries due to being manipulated for so long. When setting these boundaries did your son flare up into your this that and the other as I know my daughter will and the thought feels me with dread as that's when she gets into everything is my fault and I have very little self esteem and I crumble thinking I'm wicked and an awful mum and have wrecked her life. Her life growing up was so comfortable I never missed a day picking her up from school, she had friends home, went to after school activities, we always sat and talked about her day through dinner, I played with her thousands of games and always read her bedtime story kissed her and told her I loved her. Her room was always beautiful warm and changed through her ages so it was always up to date, she had own bathroom and beautiful doors leading to a balcony ( which later become an ashtray ) Writing this down I know I was not a bad mummy but the minute she starts I forget all this and think it's all my fault yet I've done nothing. Can you give a child too much I wonder or is it just in them regardless, as the more stories I read the more I think its nature not nurture Love to you and I hope I find the strength you have xx [/QUOTE]
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