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Why am I suffering
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 688521" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Another manipulation tactic. My son pulled this on me so many times. I've heard them all.</p><p><em>"when I get a job I'm going to have a nicer house and car than you do"</em></p><p><em>"when I'm a dad my kid will have everything and I'll never make them do chores"</em></p><p>My son is a homeless drifter - so much for the nice house and car.</p><p>My son abandoned his two children - so much for giving them everything. He did get one thing right, since he's not in their lives he can't make them do chores.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite9" alt=":eek:" title="Eek! :eek:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":eek:" /></p><p></p><p></p><p>I'm sure your country is like mine in regards to there being many places for people to go to get a meal.</p><p>My son has contacted me before saying "I'm going to starve to death" to which I replied "get to a shelter, they will give you something to eat" My son chose to go hungry because he didn't like the rules at the shelter.</p><p>Something you might consider is making a list of the places your daughter can go for a meal or shelter. This is something you can do for her that does not enable her. Give her a list of resources.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Your focus needs to shift to your own happiness. You cannot rely on your daughter's happiness to make you happy. Is there some type of hobby you used to enjoy, reading, gardening, something...... Find something to do that is just for you. It's okay, it's not selfish, it's healthy.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You are starting to see things clearly. This is a good thing!!</p><p></p><p></p><p>You can count on her to flare up. Here's the thing, our Difficult Child come to understand that they can manipulate us by using our emotions against us. They are counting on us to feel guilty so that we will give into them and give them what they want. This is where you have to be prepared.</p><p>Many here have found it very helpful to have things written down, almost like a script. Also, it is vital to keep your responses simple. Do not allow her to draw you into an argument or debate.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Okay, you know that this is what she does BUT you now know and have confirmation from all of us here that you are not a wicked awful mum and you did not wreck her life. When you start to feel like you are going to crumble I ask you to close your eyes and imagine all of us here, we are forming a circle of protection around you, we are there holding you up.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You know the truth of how good she had it growing up. She has chosen to forget all the good and focus on the bad. That is her choice.</p><p>You have done nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about. Don't allow her to erase in your mind all the good you have done and continue to do for her.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>COM has given some excellent advice here.</p><p></p><p>Again, it helps to have it all written down.</p><p></p><p>You are doing great Love! You will grow stronger and will take back control of your life. We are all here to help you.</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/notalone.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":notalone:" title="notalone :notalone:" data-shortname=":notalone:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 688521, member: 18516"] Another manipulation tactic. My son pulled this on me so many times. I've heard them all. [I]"when I get a job I'm going to have a nicer house and car than you do" "when I'm a dad my kid will have everything and I'll never make them do chores"[/I] My son is a homeless drifter - so much for the nice house and car. My son abandoned his two children - so much for giving them everything. He did get one thing right, since he's not in their lives he can't make them do chores.:eek: I'm sure your country is like mine in regards to there being many places for people to go to get a meal. My son has contacted me before saying "I'm going to starve to death" to which I replied "get to a shelter, they will give you something to eat" My son chose to go hungry because he didn't like the rules at the shelter. Something you might consider is making a list of the places your daughter can go for a meal or shelter. This is something you can do for her that does not enable her. Give her a list of resources. Your focus needs to shift to your own happiness. You cannot rely on your daughter's happiness to make you happy. Is there some type of hobby you used to enjoy, reading, gardening, something...... Find something to do that is just for you. It's okay, it's not selfish, it's healthy. You are starting to see things clearly. This is a good thing!! You can count on her to flare up. Here's the thing, our Difficult Child come to understand that they can manipulate us by using our emotions against us. They are counting on us to feel guilty so that we will give into them and give them what they want. This is where you have to be prepared. Many here have found it very helpful to have things written down, almost like a script. Also, it is vital to keep your responses simple. Do not allow her to draw you into an argument or debate. Okay, you know that this is what she does BUT you now know and have confirmation from all of us here that you are not a wicked awful mum and you did not wreck her life. When you start to feel like you are going to crumble I ask you to close your eyes and imagine all of us here, we are forming a circle of protection around you, we are there holding you up. You know the truth of how good she had it growing up. She has chosen to forget all the good and focus on the bad. That is her choice. You have done nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about. Don't allow her to erase in your mind all the good you have done and continue to do for her. COM has given some excellent advice here. Again, it helps to have it all written down. You are doing great Love! You will grow stronger and will take back control of your life. We are all here to help you. :notalone::staystrong: [/QUOTE]
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