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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 652818" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>That is the truth. So many times, that is exactly what all this feels like to us.</p><p></p><p>I think it was very nice of you to offer the cat a safe place. I think too that your daughter must have a sense of responsibility, in that she thought of the cat's safety or comfort at all.</p><p></p><p>And maybe this was the only way she could maintain her adult status and still get that hit of mothering, that forever kind of love that makes us stronger without having to ask for <em>or even, be aware of,</em> the strength and stability and safety mom represents. </p><p></p><p>Just that you know, just that she knows you know what she is going through, can be enough, sometimes, to get her through it strong enough to turn right back away from you.</p><p></p><p>Being the mom seems to carry so little value, sometimes.</p><p></p><p>But I think, when the kids are older, that our primary value has nothing to do with what we do for them, and can even be compromised when we take charge and prune their independence by solving things for them and so, creating a dependence. Our primary value seems to be that we are there, and that, even when we don't like them very much, even when they really bug us, we love them. </p><p></p><p>I am trying really hard to get that piece, now. </p><p></p><p>Loving and being loved without being judged, or without having to be anything in particular, that is the issue I am trying to come clear around, lately. So, that would be about pleasure in what is. Conflict or sadness, even.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking about this, but it is very hard for me to actually do it.</p><p></p><p>No abacus.</p><p></p><p>Just presence.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is beautifully perfect for me, too.</p><p></p><p>I still get swamped by the roil of emotions involved in changing my responses ~ more with the kids than with the grands. With the kids, there is that extra level of shocked betrayal when I say no, or when I say nothing.</p><p></p><p>Very uncomfortable.</p><p></p><p>This imagery will help me.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Me, too.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Me, too. I am coming to resent present moment interruptions. That is the difference, I think. It must be the same, for the kids.</p><p></p><p>Though it is good to hear their voices. It makes me happy to hear those voices after a time without contact by voice. Probably, it is the same for them.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 652818, member: 17461"] That is the truth. So many times, that is exactly what all this feels like to us. I think it was very nice of you to offer the cat a safe place. I think too that your daughter must have a sense of responsibility, in that she thought of the cat's safety or comfort at all. And maybe this was the only way she could maintain her adult status and still get that hit of mothering, that forever kind of love that makes us stronger without having to ask for [I]or even, be aware of,[/I] the strength and stability and safety mom represents. Just that you know, just that she knows you know what she is going through, can be enough, sometimes, to get her through it strong enough to turn right back away from you. Being the mom seems to carry so little value, sometimes. But I think, when the kids are older, that our primary value has nothing to do with what we do for them, and can even be compromised when we take charge and prune their independence by solving things for them and so, creating a dependence. Our primary value seems to be that we are there, and that, even when we don't like them very much, even when they really bug us, we love them. I am trying really hard to get that piece, now. Loving and being loved without being judged, or without having to be anything in particular, that is the issue I am trying to come clear around, lately. So, that would be about pleasure in what is. Conflict or sadness, even. I am thinking about this, but it is very hard for me to actually do it. No abacus. Just presence. This is beautifully perfect for me, too. I still get swamped by the roil of emotions involved in changing my responses ~ more with the kids than with the grands. With the kids, there is that extra level of shocked betrayal when I say no, or when I say nothing. Very uncomfortable. This imagery will help me. Me, too. Me, too. I am coming to resent present moment interruptions. That is the difference, I think. It must be the same, for the kids. Though it is good to hear their voices. It makes me happy to hear those voices after a time without contact by voice. Probably, it is the same for them. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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