Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Why can't family be supportive?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 74812" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You ask about getting treatment for yourself - I think that is a good idea. I've done this myself a few times. Whenever I feel I'm not coping, I jump on it fast. It not only gives me back some personal strength and courage to keep going, it also give me the confidence that what I am doing and the way I am doing it, is right.</p><p></p><p>I also have had to keep my in-laws on a NTK basis. I never worked out which one of them was the problem - but whenever they got a whiff of something we were planning or doing which they didn't approve of, we never heard the end of it. A long story. I mean, I thought the world of father in law but he had his blind spots. Now we have mother in law alone, living nearby, and it's very difficult to keep things to ourselves. But she has mellowed a bit as I've also grown stronger and husband has become more determined to back me up (not that he didn't; it's just that his parents could worm anything out of him so easily! Sorry, honey, I know you're reading this, but perhaps it's because you were so close, plus the eldest son). Anyway, I have my own technique for 'handling' mother in law and as long as we avoid certain topics and I carefully do not react when she is being provocative, we actually get on really well. It's been a lot of meticulous work to get to this stage but it has definitely been worth it. And I suspect she's been putting in some work there as well, I can't take all the credit.</p><p></p><p>So hold on to this - your in-laws raised your husband whom you love, so they got something right. They feel a sense of ownership and concern, although it does sound a bit too possessive. However, it is the way they are. You can't change them. All you can change is how you react to them - you and your husband. Definitely get yourself some help - sounds like you need it, to give you some strength - and maybe see if husband will sit in on some sessions as well. And take it from me, based on my own experience - don't tell your in-laws about the counselling! Absolutely not! And sit on husband to make sure he doesn't tell them, either. It is amazing how someone like your father in law can successfully interrogate your husband, even when he has already determined to say nothing.</p><p></p><p>And don't assume your father in law is out to get you - he's probably like this with everybody, I doubt it's personal. It's just part of being extremely possessive over his son, and his son's progeny. You're just their mother - when the chips are down, it's blood that matters to him. Am I right?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 74812, member: 1991"] You ask about getting treatment for yourself - I think that is a good idea. I've done this myself a few times. Whenever I feel I'm not coping, I jump on it fast. It not only gives me back some personal strength and courage to keep going, it also give me the confidence that what I am doing and the way I am doing it, is right. I also have had to keep my in-laws on a NTK basis. I never worked out which one of them was the problem - but whenever they got a whiff of something we were planning or doing which they didn't approve of, we never heard the end of it. A long story. I mean, I thought the world of father in law but he had his blind spots. Now we have mother in law alone, living nearby, and it's very difficult to keep things to ourselves. But she has mellowed a bit as I've also grown stronger and husband has become more determined to back me up (not that he didn't; it's just that his parents could worm anything out of him so easily! Sorry, honey, I know you're reading this, but perhaps it's because you were so close, plus the eldest son). Anyway, I have my own technique for 'handling' mother in law and as long as we avoid certain topics and I carefully do not react when she is being provocative, we actually get on really well. It's been a lot of meticulous work to get to this stage but it has definitely been worth it. And I suspect she's been putting in some work there as well, I can't take all the credit. So hold on to this - your in-laws raised your husband whom you love, so they got something right. They feel a sense of ownership and concern, although it does sound a bit too possessive. However, it is the way they are. You can't change them. All you can change is how you react to them - you and your husband. Definitely get yourself some help - sounds like you need it, to give you some strength - and maybe see if husband will sit in on some sessions as well. And take it from me, based on my own experience - don't tell your in-laws about the counselling! Absolutely not! And sit on husband to make sure he doesn't tell them, either. It is amazing how someone like your father in law can successfully interrogate your husband, even when he has already determined to say nothing. And don't assume your father in law is out to get you - he's probably like this with everybody, I doubt it's personal. It's just part of being extremely possessive over his son, and his son's progeny. You're just their mother - when the chips are down, it's blood that matters to him. Am I right? Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Why can't family be supportive?
Top