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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 630357" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>JKF, you did not say no...but you did not say "yes". That is a win of the first order. Like we always say here on the site, none of this, not one little thing about any of this, is easy. But you have taken a huge step JKF, by not saying "yes". In addition, guilt over difficult child's current situation is nowhere in evidence in your post.</p><p></p><p>Another win.</p><p></p><p>The problem is, these things don't feel like a win. In the real world, the things we have to do to parent difficult child kids hurt us more than they hurt the kids. It is a great feeling to help our kids, to go to dinner with our kids, to send them little surprises in the mail and love them all the time and have happy hearts from it. We don't get to do that stuff with difficult child kids.</p><p></p><p>It is the situation that is bad, JKF. Not you, and not even difficult child. </p><p></p><p>We are learning a better way to parent difficult child kids.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to go against every instinct we have <em>but that is the only way to help them.</em></p><p></p><p>You are doing just fine. It all takes time. You have made a new beginning, and you are over the first hurdle. It will not get easier from here, but all the little successes and the changed behaviors they bring will provide solid ground.</p><p></p><p>You are doing just fine.</p><p></p><p>I know it's hard, JKF. </p><p></p><p>Nothing else has worked.</p><p></p><p>Keeping you in my thoughts this afternoon.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 630357, member: 17461"] JKF, you did not say no...but you did not say "yes". That is a win of the first order. Like we always say here on the site, none of this, not one little thing about any of this, is easy. But you have taken a huge step JKF, by not saying "yes". In addition, guilt over difficult child's current situation is nowhere in evidence in your post. Another win. The problem is, these things don't feel like a win. In the real world, the things we have to do to parent difficult child kids hurt us more than they hurt the kids. It is a great feeling to help our kids, to go to dinner with our kids, to send them little surprises in the mail and love them all the time and have happy hearts from it. We don't get to do that stuff with difficult child kids. It is the situation that is bad, JKF. Not you, and not even difficult child. We are learning a better way to parent difficult child kids. It is hard to go against every instinct we have [I]but that is the only way to help them.[/I] You are doing just fine. It all takes time. You have made a new beginning, and you are over the first hurdle. It will not get easier from here, but all the little successes and the changed behaviors they bring will provide solid ground. You are doing just fine. I know it's hard, JKF. Nothing else has worked. Keeping you in my thoughts this afternoon. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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