Hanging-On
New Member
Info: I've always tried to think of what skills my children will need once they are grown up, so I give them these basic things as chores based on their age. Picking up your shoes and put them by the door, how to separate clothes to then wash them, how to do a load of wash and dry it, how to fold and put it away. How to make a table, the clean the table, do the dishes and put the dishes away. How to pick up the house, vaccum, dust, mop floor. How to raise the farm animals for food, how to ranch, how to garden and land care. Now my parents never really "taught" me really anything. My dad was a high powered professional who also did all the farm/ranch/handyman stuff, and my mom was a stay at home mom who could cook gourmet to hand sew better then professionals. (think Martha Stewart and you get the picture). So if I was taught what they knew, wow I would have some awesome skills but, I wasn't. I was thrown into everything and said to sink or swim. I tried to watch them and learn that way, but I had no instruction. So I can function in some of these things, but I can't do them with the skill my parents did. I want to do better than that for my boys, so I try to have them work beside me and learn.
First some age info: difficult child is 11 yrs old, adaptive functioning age much less than that. When he was 6 yrs old, they said his adaptive age was 1.5-2yrs old. Next Neurophsyic evaluation is this winter, so I won't know the new adaptivefunctioning age until then. But if we use the same ratio, then his adaptive age is 2.75-3.67 yrs old. difficult child was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for a year, between the ages of 9.5 - 10.5 yrs old.
When difficult child was younger 3-6 yrs old, he not only learned chores...but did them. He'd put his toys away, pick up his room, separate the laundry and then I did it and he would help me hang it out to dry and then take it off the line, help pick up his stuff around the house, and help make the table for meals, and fed/water the house pets, gather the eggs, feed the chichens. When I needed help (not often, but when my hands were full and needed another pair), he'd also help me with the horses and other animals, clean the barn and throw hay. I thought that was enough for his age, and he did everything about 90% of time. Then he went to kindergarten in the elementary school and was put with a normal class and EVERYTHING about him changed. He went into crisis, started to run away, severe ODD, violent, and NEVER did chores again. (Now, he's always been difficult, and very jearlous of easy child, and picking on him, and acting on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), and nonverbal until 4.5 yrs old.....but he and I got along even though he always seemed mad at me, and he pretty much listened to me).
BUT once in public school, his difficult child'ness really came out. It just get a thousand times worse. Then all the therapists etc, which made him disrespect me more....then Residential Treatment Center (RTC) last year.
So, when he started doing CHORES at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (his laundry, cleaning his room, making and cleaning the table, vaccuming the common arean) I thought wonderful they got through to him and something changed for him....great. BUT, when he came back home he did chores at first but now 3 months later....nothing. We are back to the "I'm tired, can you help me." So easy child and I are doing everything, and he just creates more. He could be standing over his toy or clothes on the floor, and I ask him to reach down and pick-it up and he'll fall on the couch and say "I'm tired, can you help me" which means ."you do it". OMG, no difficult child WE NEED YOUR HELP. Now that he is home the amount of work has exploded 10 fold. I'm not asking him to do the farm/ranch chores, I do that. I'm not asking him to do the laundry or anything else. I'm only asking him to pick up HIS stuff and clean HIS room.
At the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) I saw him act and talk older then his adaptive age 2.75-3.67 yrs old. He truly functioned closer at his real age during that time 9.5 - 105 yrs old. But the second he came home he litteraly turned into a toddler in front of my eyes. His speech and actions are now back closer to his adaptive age. WHY???
WHY is his adaptive age different at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) then it is at home. What happened? And does this mean he's better off growing up in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC), then home, so he can function at his real age? ALL of this is breaking my heart and I don't know what this mean? It's really making me afraid for him.
First some age info: difficult child is 11 yrs old, adaptive functioning age much less than that. When he was 6 yrs old, they said his adaptive age was 1.5-2yrs old. Next Neurophsyic evaluation is this winter, so I won't know the new adaptivefunctioning age until then. But if we use the same ratio, then his adaptive age is 2.75-3.67 yrs old. difficult child was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for a year, between the ages of 9.5 - 10.5 yrs old.
When difficult child was younger 3-6 yrs old, he not only learned chores...but did them. He'd put his toys away, pick up his room, separate the laundry and then I did it and he would help me hang it out to dry and then take it off the line, help pick up his stuff around the house, and help make the table for meals, and fed/water the house pets, gather the eggs, feed the chichens. When I needed help (not often, but when my hands were full and needed another pair), he'd also help me with the horses and other animals, clean the barn and throw hay. I thought that was enough for his age, and he did everything about 90% of time. Then he went to kindergarten in the elementary school and was put with a normal class and EVERYTHING about him changed. He went into crisis, started to run away, severe ODD, violent, and NEVER did chores again. (Now, he's always been difficult, and very jearlous of easy child, and picking on him, and acting on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), and nonverbal until 4.5 yrs old.....but he and I got along even though he always seemed mad at me, and he pretty much listened to me).
BUT once in public school, his difficult child'ness really came out. It just get a thousand times worse. Then all the therapists etc, which made him disrespect me more....then Residential Treatment Center (RTC) last year.
So, when he started doing CHORES at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (his laundry, cleaning his room, making and cleaning the table, vaccuming the common arean) I thought wonderful they got through to him and something changed for him....great. BUT, when he came back home he did chores at first but now 3 months later....nothing. We are back to the "I'm tired, can you help me." So easy child and I are doing everything, and he just creates more. He could be standing over his toy or clothes on the floor, and I ask him to reach down and pick-it up and he'll fall on the couch and say "I'm tired, can you help me" which means ."you do it". OMG, no difficult child WE NEED YOUR HELP. Now that he is home the amount of work has exploded 10 fold. I'm not asking him to do the farm/ranch chores, I do that. I'm not asking him to do the laundry or anything else. I'm only asking him to pick up HIS stuff and clean HIS room.
At the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) I saw him act and talk older then his adaptive age 2.75-3.67 yrs old. He truly functioned closer at his real age during that time 9.5 - 105 yrs old. But the second he came home he litteraly turned into a toddler in front of my eyes. His speech and actions are now back closer to his adaptive age. WHY???
WHY is his adaptive age different at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) then it is at home. What happened? And does this mean he's better off growing up in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC), then home, so he can function at his real age? ALL of this is breaking my heart and I don't know what this mean? It's really making me afraid for him.
