why is this happening to me??

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tjg4god, Aug 28, 2008.

  1. tjg4god

    tjg4god just me

    I just need to vent I guess. I am just SO TIRED!! I feel like I am losing my mind. Ok here it goes..am i nuts? I am so over trying to get a REAL diagnosis for difficult child 2. I have heard adhd, aspergers, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), bipolar, mental retaration(not) etc. I feel like I am going in circles. Doctors, doctors and more doctors. Trying to get all the therapies set at school, went to dentist and found out he had grinded his teeth down to the nerves and has to go in hospital 9/5 and be put to sleep to fix them. I am just so tired of running in circles. Plus I have so much financial stress and marital stress I can't handle much more. I am working graveyard shift and not getting any sleep, and when I can sleep I can't, if that makes any sense. I am constanly sick to my stomach(cramps, nausea, etc.). I just feel like I am carrying the weigh of the world on my shoulders and don't know how to get any releif. Why is all this happening? What have I done to deserve all this?? husband is not much help either. There is no way fro me to get through to him to realize he is going to have to step it up and help me. What can I do? I am so unhappy with life. I used to have alot of energy and loved to do things and loved life and now I feel like I am being punished and HATE my life. There are some days I feel like getting in my car and just leaving EVERYTHING!! I want out. But I could never leave my kids. I feel like banging my head on concrete right now!!!
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are SO not alone! Many of us have been there. Most have days, weeks, months where it feels like we just can not go another day. But, we all manage somehow to keep on going. Sigh...it is not easy.

    You really, really need to take a stand and find some time for yourself. Do something you enjoy without any responsibilities tied to it. If you have to give husband a night at home with the kids and you take a night at home. You both will need time away. If husband is already gone a lot than make him commit to being home one night for you to go do something just for you.
    It is important for the health of all of you!
  3. ML

    ML Guest

    You are not alone. We all know the feelings you describe. BusyWend is right, you MUST take care of yourself, it's essential for your sanity.

    The changing diagnosis saga is pretty common. Partly because the medical community doesn't even agree with the basics. It's also hard when our kids have more than one thing. Of as if in the case of my son who is on the spectrum but so high functioning that the autism clinic missed it. Sure he socializes fine with the evaluator... did they once observe him in new social situations with peers, NO.

    We're here for you. We *are* you!


  4. OpenWindow

    OpenWindow Active Member

    I'm there right now except I don't want to leave, I just want to sleep. I started taking an antidepressant again because it was getting so hard just to wake up and accomplish anything at work. The rollercoaster is just too much sometimes.

    I'm with busywend - leave husband in charge at home for a day and go do something for yourself. You deserve a break.

  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    First off hugs. Many of us have had times when we want to escape. The others are right is so important to take care of you-it truly helps more than you can imagine. Remember we are here for you.
  6. So sorry you are going through this. I hate the waiting game on figuring out the right diagnosis for our children. It is frustrating to get differing diagnosis for them.
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    You are absolutely not alone.

    I "felt" your desperation while reading your words. Sending lots of hugs and strength.
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    You are not alone. I've been there, too. Still taking Paxil to balance myself out. You really need some time for you, as difficult as that might be. Sending many hugs.
  9. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    All of us on this board have felt the way you do right now. It is a rollercoaster raising a difficult child to say the least. Please try to take care of yourself and perhaps lessen some responsibility?

    You sound so depressed, perhaps some medications for you maybe in order?? You need to be strong to deal with all the stress in your life. As my husband likes to say, which always makes me roll my eyes, "When momma isn't happy, nobody is happy."

    I do hope you can get some help and understand how you feel. Last December was the worst month I have ever experienced with my child and all I wanted to do was run away and place difficult child in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She was on the edge, but things did get better.

    Best to you, hugs
  10. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Sending many gentle hugs your way.
    We understand and have been there done that.

    Vent away.

    As the others have said, you need to get some time just for you. If it means just bundling yourself out the door, going for a walk, driving out to a quiet park or field...just do what you have to do to take care of yourself and replenish your energy.

    Sorry you're having such a rough time.