Hello All!
How many times have you gone to meet with a new psychiatrist, therapist, school counselor, social worker or other professional...and come away from that meeting upset to learn that the professional thinks difficult child is an angel and any problem is obviously the parent?
I just finished reading a couple of books that might shed some light on this phenomenon. The first is called "First Impressions" and the second is entitled "Don't Believe Everything You Think". In a nutshell, the books explain what people think and why they think it.
Apparantly, because the human brain cannot easily absorb tons of statistics and random information...we generalize. And this is especially true during a first impression. Secondly, because we all like to think that we are smart...once we've made a decision about something we seek to confirm that we are correct--and are not as quick to look for dissenting information.
So, if you have ever gone into to one of these meetings feeling anxious, upset, stressed, guarded, confrontational or otherwise feeling negatively--the person you meet makes a generalization that obviously, you are an anxious, stressed, guarded, confrontational and otherwise negative person.
Add that to the fact that difficult child is putting on the "angel" act--behaving perfectly well and responding to every question with an air of innocence and disbelief--well, it's no wonder the therapist (or whomever) gets it wrong. Believing that difficult child really IS the angel and Mom really IS a problem.
And once we've made this impression upon someone...it takes forever for them to learn that their first impression was in error.
So I guess the trick is to go into one of these meetings looking like the "perfect" Mom....
Any idea how one might accomplish that?
--DaisyF
How many times have you gone to meet with a new psychiatrist, therapist, school counselor, social worker or other professional...and come away from that meeting upset to learn that the professional thinks difficult child is an angel and any problem is obviously the parent?
I just finished reading a couple of books that might shed some light on this phenomenon. The first is called "First Impressions" and the second is entitled "Don't Believe Everything You Think". In a nutshell, the books explain what people think and why they think it.
Apparantly, because the human brain cannot easily absorb tons of statistics and random information...we generalize. And this is especially true during a first impression. Secondly, because we all like to think that we are smart...once we've made a decision about something we seek to confirm that we are correct--and are not as quick to look for dissenting information.
So, if you have ever gone into to one of these meetings feeling anxious, upset, stressed, guarded, confrontational or otherwise feeling negatively--the person you meet makes a generalization that obviously, you are an anxious, stressed, guarded, confrontational and otherwise negative person.
Add that to the fact that difficult child is putting on the "angel" act--behaving perfectly well and responding to every question with an air of innocence and disbelief--well, it's no wonder the therapist (or whomever) gets it wrong. Believing that difficult child really IS the angel and Mom really IS a problem.
And once we've made this impression upon someone...it takes forever for them to learn that their first impression was in error.
So I guess the trick is to go into one of these meetings looking like the "perfect" Mom....
Any idea how one might accomplish that?
--DaisyF