Why would anyone be in a psychiatric hospital for six straight months?

[BusynMember]

Another heading to this thread may have been "They Sure Know How to Pick 'Em."

36 called me at maybe 1:20 am this morning (is this a difficult child thing)? He was lucky I was sort of awake. I got worried that maybe something happened to his son so I picked it up and I was wrong...he apologized for calling when I was sleeping (he does this a lot) but went on to talk about his newest honey. I was liking her because he seemed happier and he called me a lot less and her situation sounded bizarre to me, but I never interfere with the people my grown kids choose to spend time with. After all, he is no prince. But what he told me tonight made me question his common sense once again. Apparently this new honey can not see him a lot anymore, only every other weekend, and she won't tell him why and he was devestated over being alone again. Then he told me more about her and my head is still swimming.

1/. She was in a psychiatric hospital for six straight months and during that time was not allowed to see her daughter. She has a three year old child.

2/She lives with her ex-mother-in-law whom she recently threw out of the house at his recommendation (stupid of him, but he always likes to control people). I am not sure what the deal is, but I am starting to wonder if this honey was court ordered to live with ex's mother in order to be with her daughter.

3/Told him only that she had a "nervous breakdown" and he did not ask for any details about her mental health, even though he has a son and in my opinion it is common sense to want to know if she is safe around children. After all, SHE WASN'T ALLOWED TO SEE HER DAUGHTER FOR SIX MONTHS!!!

She recently went off her Depakote because he told her it made her talk in her sleep. He saw her pour the depakote down the toilet. He said she slept more quietly after that. YOU DON'T GO OFF DEPAKOTE! YOU DONT TELL OTHER PEOPLE TO DUMP THEIR medications. I realize it was her decision, but I am quite sure, now that I have these facts, that she is seriously mentally ill. Why does he always have to tell people what to do? I know her illness is HER responsibility, but he...if he had empathy...would he try to get her to go off a prescribed medication? But he is very me-centric. The saga continues with the honey...

Her parents are in a retirement home. Dad is an alcoholic. Mom is mentally ill, but he doesn't know with what.

I'm trying to figure out under what circumstances anyone would be allowed to stay in a hospital for six months. It's bothering me. After all, it's 3"05 am now and I'm probably up for the night. Nothing better to do than ponder. All I can come up with is drug addiction/rehab, but he says she can drink sensibly...he has seen it.

WHY WOULD ANYONE BE PUT INTO A HOSPITAL THAT LONG????

AND WHO WOULDN"T WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THAT FACT WHEN DATING SOMEBODY, ESPECIALLY WHEN ONE HAS A CHILD???? Grandson is so attached to this honey that he often forgets and calls her "mommy" and asks about her all the time. Why would he introduce her to somebody he really knows nothing about? Why didn't he care enough to find out more about her?

But, we are talking about 36 and the girl always had money, which he liked. In fact, she paid the entire amount for his son's daycare expenses for the summer. Plus, she is pretty and, he says, she brought stability to his life by being there when he got home. I didn't realize her daughter wasn't with her at his house too. I thought she was. I guess I didn't pay a lot of attention.

He asked me what to do. Should he ask her about the six months and the circumstances that lead to it or wait and see what she does. He doesn't REALLY want to lose her. On the other hand, if she is dangerous, he can't have her around him or his son. Oh, and by the way she has a key to his house.

I don't usually give this adult man advice anymore, but I did tell him I'd ask her, but not expect her to tell him and then it would probably be a good idea never to see her again since he does have a son. What if she was court ordered to the hospital for hurting somebody????

I also suggested he change the locks on his doors.

And I'd had such a good Mother's Day until now when I was once again hit between the eyes with my difficult child's super-odd behavior, lack of common sense, insensitivity, childishness and inability to handle the obvious on his own without running to me.

I have been good about just listening lately, but tonight this caught me unaware.

I hate when he calls me late at night. It worries me so I pick up. I have to start turning off my phone when I go to bed. If it's really something horrible, I will find out soon enough and I need to sleep through the night, as does my husband who is also now tossing and turning because of being awakened so late.

SIX MONTHS IN A HOSPITAL? IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE?

(sigh)

Thanks for reading.

 

[DammitJanet]

I suppose its possible but that is an incredible amount of time in this day and age. Do you know for sure how old she is? It is also a bit funny for her to be ordered to live with her ex mother in law. I cant imagine being told to do that. I cant imagine letting one of my ex daughter in law's live with me.

I agree your son needs to know what's up.

 

[tryagain]

I also agree that he needs to have a talk with her. I cannot imagine living with someone and being afraid to ask them important questions like that.

When I saw Depakote, I immediately thought "bipolar" because my difficult child used it for a brief time, although it did not agree with her. The two times she was in the P-hospital, though, it was for attempted suicide and for less than a week. The only people I have ever read about staying months at a time are those sent for criminal behavior, so he definitely needs to find out if that is the case -for the little one's sake.

Please keep us posted. And may you get more sleep tonight!

 

[BusynMember]

So he called this morning.

She was in the hospital for five weeks then outpatient for seven weeks. She was on Depakote for suspected bipolar, but now claims her psychiatric doesn't think she has it. He is allowing her to stay off the Depakote.

This is all what she told him and he doesn't trust her anymore. Another honey will hit the dirt. Why can't our difficult children ever pick stable partners? Maybe because stable partners wouldn't be interested in them and their problems.

My son is extremely pushy, demanding and in-your-face and sees the world as black and white only. He attracts vulnerable, weak women who get tired of him in spite of being rather vulnerable and weak.

I hope he never marries again for the woman's sake. His son is just fine without him being married and I think he'd only end up divorced again. It is difficult to explain on a forum how brash, pushy, and demanding he is...not just with me, but with anyone who he considers important in his life. He literally pins you to the wall until you answer and will interrogate you like a lawyer, and he's really smart. He can intimidate with words.

It backfires a lot. People run for the hills.

 

[Echolette]

MWM,
you are right to have your antenna up, and it is great that he actually pushed her for some details...it shows at least some accountability for his own life!
Doesn't sound like a loss for this honey to hit the dirt.
I think one of the ways our hearts hurt for our difficult child's is when we are afraid they are lonely or sad. It is easy to dislike them or hold them at arm's length when they are arrogant or demanding or push. It is when they are vulnerable that we are vulnerable to them. Is that what is happening to you now? It sounds like you are a little sad about this one not working out even though you see her as trouble...is this brining up old patterns for you?

Echo

 

[BusynMember]

Oh, yes. When he is most vulnerable, I am most vulnerable to enabling. Absolutely.

 

[dstc_99]

Now that he has the answers and they aren't unreasonable why would he still not trust her?


I mean sure 5 + 7 doesn't add up to 6 months but she may have continued with more intense therapy after the mandated time. As for the Depakote even if she did have permission to stop taking it they usually do titrate it. So I would say that sounds a little fishy.

As for the Ex mother in law having the kid I would bet someone gave her custody to keep the kid out of foster care. My bet is dad is a nutjob and mom had a breakdown and therefore they gave the custody to the Ex mother in law. I can't say I would want to live with an Ex mother in law but I do know a lot of people who are very close with their Ex's families. Basically they say I divorced your child not you and since it was amicable everyone remains close for friendship and for the kids involved.