When difficult child lived at home, we had key locks EVERYWHERE. And for a time, we even had to keep a combination lock on the fridge.
difficult child would go through my stuff, husband's stuff, Little easy child's stuff...and he would help himself to anything he found appealing. And the things he found appealing were pretty random, with no discernible pattern.
difficult child's psychiatrist has taught us that asking "Why" is a mug's game. You are not likely to get a reasonable answer out of a difficult child when you ask for an explanation. You'll either get a shaggy dog story, or "I dunno", neither of which is particularly satisfying.
Rather than asking "why", we just learned to lock up and let natural consequences rule the day. difficult child had his room, pockets and backpack searched daily, his room was stripped bare except for essentials, little treats we would usually get him at the store or whatever were removed, because he was stealing the equivalent from family members and therefore did not merit them, etc.
difficult child's been out of the house for 2 years now, but we still have the key locks and when he's home for a visit everything goes back on lockdown. difficult child doesn't steal like he used to. Now, I use the lockdown as a failure-free thing for him (why set him up for a fall?), and as a reminder that he still has a way to go in regaining my trust.
It really is a boundary issue at the root of it.
Trinity
