BloodiedButUnbowed
Well-Known Member
.......he claimed, for himself and his new girlfriend to attend a sold out, highly coveted sports event for which tickets are going for ten times what he "paid." I found this out when I returned from work to find my wife had willingly handed over this money without questioning the source of the "tickets" let alone why they were so cheap. My gut is screaming scam. Either he is planning to use the money for weed/booze, or he naively purchased counterfeit tickets.
I am not proud of my reaction. I was angry as hell. Where is the accountability? This child doesn't go to (online) "school", doesn't have a job and doesn't even have CHORES allowing him to earn an allowance. He has been pleasant, even sweet, since he recently returned to our lives, but he is still the same person he has always been. He's always charming as long as he gets his way.
I asked my wife if it had occurred to her to make the cash - which was an insignificant amount anyway - an advance payment for chores to be done at a later date. She said she had not and then became very defensive and we had an argument about it.
After he secured his money my wife tried to text/call him for two hours and there was no response. Eventually she did reach him. He told her that now, his father would be joining he and his girlfriend for this sporting event. He said he would send us pictures from the event. He added that even though they had the tickets in hand, there was a "possibility the owners of the seats would show up" so they planned to arrive early. Difficult Stepson has such magical thinking, he believes that his counterfeit tickets will be honored as long as he gets there before the legitimate ticket owners arrive. So we'll see how this all works out.
I have long been concerned about the impact of my wife's parenting choices on our marriage. She has made it clear she expects that I will be willing to take Difficult Child in if he wants us to do so. I have repeatedly told her that he isn't going to be allowed under my roof on a permanent basis until we have resolved the strangulation episode from 2015, and that I would not enable him to continue to live life without responsibility or consequence. She thinks I am being harsh; I think that this is the tough love difficult stepson needs and has never received, and more importantly these are the minimum limits I would need in order to feel safe in the situation. Of course this is all speculation and I highly doubt he would ever want to live with us, anyway. He is aware that my relationship with him has changed and I view him with suspicion, though of course, nothing has yet been discussed, although I think it would be healthy and healing for all concerned if we could eventually do so.
I need to seek out Al Anon to help me detach from the dysfunction in myself and my family. I am hopeful my wife and I can find enough common ground that our marriage will survive Difficult Child as he grows into Difficult Adult.
Deep breathing - detach - deep breathing - detach!
I am not proud of my reaction. I was angry as hell. Where is the accountability? This child doesn't go to (online) "school", doesn't have a job and doesn't even have CHORES allowing him to earn an allowance. He has been pleasant, even sweet, since he recently returned to our lives, but he is still the same person he has always been. He's always charming as long as he gets his way.
I asked my wife if it had occurred to her to make the cash - which was an insignificant amount anyway - an advance payment for chores to be done at a later date. She said she had not and then became very defensive and we had an argument about it.
After he secured his money my wife tried to text/call him for two hours and there was no response. Eventually she did reach him. He told her that now, his father would be joining he and his girlfriend for this sporting event. He said he would send us pictures from the event. He added that even though they had the tickets in hand, there was a "possibility the owners of the seats would show up" so they planned to arrive early. Difficult Stepson has such magical thinking, he believes that his counterfeit tickets will be honored as long as he gets there before the legitimate ticket owners arrive. So we'll see how this all works out.
I have long been concerned about the impact of my wife's parenting choices on our marriage. She has made it clear she expects that I will be willing to take Difficult Child in if he wants us to do so. I have repeatedly told her that he isn't going to be allowed under my roof on a permanent basis until we have resolved the strangulation episode from 2015, and that I would not enable him to continue to live life without responsibility or consequence. She thinks I am being harsh; I think that this is the tough love difficult stepson needs and has never received, and more importantly these are the minimum limits I would need in order to feel safe in the situation. Of course this is all speculation and I highly doubt he would ever want to live with us, anyway. He is aware that my relationship with him has changed and I view him with suspicion, though of course, nothing has yet been discussed, although I think it would be healthy and healing for all concerned if we could eventually do so.
I need to seek out Al Anon to help me detach from the dysfunction in myself and my family. I am hopeful my wife and I can find enough common ground that our marriage will survive Difficult Child as he grows into Difficult Adult.
Deep breathing - detach - deep breathing - detach!