So, here I am, Wednesday will be three weeks since difficult child got out of jail. As far as I know, he is still living on the street, still has no job and rehab isn't happening. The first two weeks, he sounded good, clear and like he was ready to do something different. I was hopeful, but kept my distance. But I was still hopeful. I thought: maybe he really is ready. But I knew he probably wasn't. When talking about this rehab place in a major city close to here, he said: well I still don't think I really need to go, but If I go for 28 days I can get into their halfway house program and get a job, because they don't charge you. Still working around the edges, difficult child. Still figuring, thinking, ready to get something for nothing. That's not ready. Last week he asked me to keep some of his depression RX for him because he got a 90 day supply and said he didn't want to carry that around in his backpack. And then, bring him some more boxers and tank tops. I said I can do it tomorrow. I never heard from him about a time to meet to I took the tank tops to the day shelter on Friday and left them with Heather, the social worker. I had a bit of a down spell on Friday, but I was basically just dejected that he seemed to be slipping down again. I got a letter for him from the state DHS office---must be food stamp stuff---this weekend and I texted him and said I have it. I didn't open it. Then he asked if he could come here and watch the World Cup final and I said, "Sorry, we don't be here." I didn't think we would at the time, but we ended up being here, and I felt bad that I said no, but I didn't think it would be good for him for him to be here doing that. Ugh. I wish things were different. I went to Al-Anon yesterday and after talked to an Al-Anon friend in the parking lot. He is a therapist whose wife is an alcoholic. I really value the things he says in meetings. I told him about difficult child's good talk at first when he got out of jail and now how I am sensing he's not pushing to make anything different happen. He seems more focused on the World Cup than where to live, how to survive, and anything that would change his current situation. That means, as I told my friend, that in another 30 to 40 days or so, he likely will get arrested again and then he will serve a long time. I am working to accept that his may just be his journey. That he may have to do this, next, to do the next thing after that. My friend agreed. We also talked about how we believe there is too much help there for people, which allows them to stay like they are, instead of being more motivated to change. I know, we don't want people to be hungry, but really, if you are getting food stamps and three free meals a day, etc., then why do something different? It just feeds into difficult child's "not going by the rules" mentality. I know it is what it is, and I can't change any of it. easy child and fiancee came over last night for dinner and brought their new Corgi puppy for us to see. I wish I could have invited difficult child, but again, I don't think it was a good idea. For me. Today, I am again working to lean in to what is. This is what it is. I need to keep my distance from difficult child. I need to keep on working on me. I can't affect change for him. If it is to be, he is the catalyst for his own life, and only he can make something different happen. I just sadly believe that the longer this goes on, the more entrenched he becomes in this 'off the rails' lifestyle, and the more he will not be able to really re-enter society. But again, okay, this is on God's time, not my time. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.