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Will be three weeks Wednesday since difficult child got out of jail...again
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 630869" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Yes. We see this. It is maddening and saddening. Its good that you can recognize and name it. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I know. So sad to see what might have been a fresh start become same old thing. It is hard on us. It is probably hard on them as well. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You absolutely did the right thing here. Were you going to relax in front of the TV together? Goes back to your earliest posts about making bland conversation while his life is falling apart. So, how is the weather?</p><p></p><p>There is no place where it was OK for him to come hang out and watch the game.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And that would be the core of it. You cried for 3 days when he got out of jail, and even then he was more interested in the World Cup than anything else, and that theme has remained true. I guess its avoidance. At worst it is out and out crazy talk. It goes along with the "working around the edges" theme that you mentioned..somehow if he pretends life it normal it will be so. Magical thinking.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I'm going to stop you here. We don't know that this is so. I know that that has been his pattern, but who knows what the future holds. We have enough to deal with today. Please please please don't use your energy preparing for a day that may not come. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. His journey is different than your journey, than my journey. It is his alone. He has to go where he is compelled to go. </p><p></p><p>He does sound like some one who can learn..maybe he can only take in so much at a time, or for so long (two weeks, no longer...the time period when he seemed clear). And yet...he learns. So maybe this needs to repeat itself a few more times, as you suspect. But you are right...your work is to accept, and let go. I know you know that my friend (hugs). </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That sounds wonderful! I can imagine that Corgi puppies are ridiculously cute. What a nice respite...I hope you saw it so.</p><p>I sometimes live in another world...one where I am a family of four, no dad (he annoys me) and no difficult child...just me and my three. It is so nice. I think it is OK to live there sometimes. I hope you kept your presence where you were. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>If you are like me this is very very true. Having them intrude, because all their choices, their needs, their problems, even when they are happy enough or in denial, are an intrusions..is exhausting. difficult child called me twice today, and I ran downstairs to give him the copay for his rehab program...I feel burnt out, drained. Just by that. We need to keep our distance, Child, at least for now, at least until we get stronger. We are still pretty new at this detachment thing, as much as we have embraced it. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And what good work it is. There is nothing of more value. Your work has lead you to become a resource to us all, and I"m sure the more so to those immediately around you. The "working on me" part is life work. And you are so good at it, so thoughtful...there is solace there. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>At one point on the forum a few people recommended The Mole People, about people living in the underground tunnels of NY. I read it and it completely freaked me out, for exactly that reason...the longer they lived down there the harder to ever re-integrate. I was focused on that for difficult child as well. And yet...again...it is what it is. He will re-enter or he will not. Your son, my son...they are connected in some ways, emotionally, personally. They had a life that they remember. I do think they can find a way back in if they choose...its just more work than it is worth to them right now. They are making that choice.</p><p></p><p>Its been a looooong three weeks for you, Child. Just....hold the good stuff. Water the seeds, as the buddhists say. Corgi puppies. Dinner with easy child. husband and your wedding plans. Water the seeds.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 630869, member: 17269"] Yes. We see this. It is maddening and saddening. Its good that you can recognize and name it. I know. So sad to see what might have been a fresh start become same old thing. It is hard on us. It is probably hard on them as well. You absolutely did the right thing here. Were you going to relax in front of the TV together? Goes back to your earliest posts about making bland conversation while his life is falling apart. So, how is the weather? There is no place where it was OK for him to come hang out and watch the game. And that would be the core of it. You cried for 3 days when he got out of jail, and even then he was more interested in the World Cup than anything else, and that theme has remained true. I guess its avoidance. At worst it is out and out crazy talk. It goes along with the "working around the edges" theme that you mentioned..somehow if he pretends life it normal it will be so. Magical thinking. I'm going to stop you here. We don't know that this is so. I know that that has been his pattern, but who knows what the future holds. We have enough to deal with today. Please please please don't use your energy preparing for a day that may not come. Yes. His journey is different than your journey, than my journey. It is his alone. He has to go where he is compelled to go. He does sound like some one who can learn..maybe he can only take in so much at a time, or for so long (two weeks, no longer...the time period when he seemed clear). And yet...he learns. So maybe this needs to repeat itself a few more times, as you suspect. But you are right...your work is to accept, and let go. I know you know that my friend (hugs). That sounds wonderful! I can imagine that Corgi puppies are ridiculously cute. What a nice respite...I hope you saw it so. I sometimes live in another world...one where I am a family of four, no dad (he annoys me) and no difficult child...just me and my three. It is so nice. I think it is OK to live there sometimes. I hope you kept your presence where you were. If you are like me this is very very true. Having them intrude, because all their choices, their needs, their problems, even when they are happy enough or in denial, are an intrusions..is exhausting. difficult child called me twice today, and I ran downstairs to give him the copay for his rehab program...I feel burnt out, drained. Just by that. We need to keep our distance, Child, at least for now, at least until we get stronger. We are still pretty new at this detachment thing, as much as we have embraced it. And what good work it is. There is nothing of more value. Your work has lead you to become a resource to us all, and I"m sure the more so to those immediately around you. The "working on me" part is life work. And you are so good at it, so thoughtful...there is solace there. At one point on the forum a few people recommended The Mole People, about people living in the underground tunnels of NY. I read it and it completely freaked me out, for exactly that reason...the longer they lived down there the harder to ever re-integrate. I was focused on that for difficult child as well. And yet...again...it is what it is. He will re-enter or he will not. Your son, my son...they are connected in some ways, emotionally, personally. They had a life that they remember. I do think they can find a way back in if they choose...its just more work than it is worth to them right now. They are making that choice. Its been a looooong three weeks for you, Child. Just....hold the good stuff. Water the seeds, as the buddhists say. Corgi puppies. Dinner with easy child. husband and your wedding plans. Water the seeds. Hugs, Echo [/QUOTE]
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Will be three weeks Wednesday since difficult child got out of jail...again
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