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Will he fall?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 645855" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>You do need to love yourself first. This is a responsibility issue. It has to do with taking good care of ourselves, but it also has to do with money. Once we have every single thing we want, and have given to every charity we have the heart for, then, and only then, it is appropriate to throw money into the deep, dark hole that difficult child children seem to represent. We were prepared to send both our kids to whatever school they could have applied and been accepted to. Really, we were. Instead, we have spent close to those amounts on nothing at all. There is nothing to show for those thousands and thousands of dollars, or for the time, when we were young and strong, when we might have created anything, anything at all, with that money that we devoted to license reinstatements and fines and rent and replacing vehicles and court costs and all the ten thousand things difficult child kids somehow seem to need "right now." </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This was a constant refrain from both our children. There is a time when this is appropriate. But when you begin to resent the help you are giving, that is the time to tell the child, in advance, that you will not be providing assistance for day to day issues. Our son was especially vehement about the things we were not doing for him. This did make us feel guilty. But if you search further, you will find that in the examples your son brings up, the child in question is doing his part.</p><p></p><p>Our son was not.</p><p></p><p>Our son wanted: </p><p></p><p>A duplex, so he could live in one side and rent out the other (and not have to work).</p><p></p><p>Wanted for us to take out a second mortgage to set him up in a pizza franchise business.</p><p></p><p>Wanted us to hire him as our contractor in the last house we built though he lived in a different state altogether and did not have a contractor's license or insurance, even in the state where he did live.</p><p></p><p>Wanted us to pay for his S.O. textbooks (which we did ~ more than once) and, repeatedly, his rent.</p><p></p><p>Give him a truck. Which we did.</p><p></p><p>Let him move home again ~ this time with a S.O. and two children, one of whom is a bona fide difficult child already.</p><p></p><p>Take one of his children to raise, along with difficult child son. When he is not berating us for not taking his children and raising them for him (while allowing him to live with us, too) difficult child son is berating me for being a bad mom and a terrible grandmother.</p><p></p><p>difficult child kids seem to be master manipulators. They seem to know just where to strike, and they do strike.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening to you, and to your son. I am so glad you found this site.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 645855, member: 17461"] You do need to love yourself first. This is a responsibility issue. It has to do with taking good care of ourselves, but it also has to do with money. Once we have every single thing we want, and have given to every charity we have the heart for, then, and only then, it is appropriate to throw money into the deep, dark hole that difficult child children seem to represent. We were prepared to send both our kids to whatever school they could have applied and been accepted to. Really, we were. Instead, we have spent close to those amounts on nothing at all. There is nothing to show for those thousands and thousands of dollars, or for the time, when we were young and strong, when we might have created anything, anything at all, with that money that we devoted to license reinstatements and fines and rent and replacing vehicles and court costs and all the ten thousand things difficult child kids somehow seem to need "right now." This was a constant refrain from both our children. There is a time when this is appropriate. But when you begin to resent the help you are giving, that is the time to tell the child, in advance, that you will not be providing assistance for day to day issues. Our son was especially vehement about the things we were not doing for him. This did make us feel guilty. But if you search further, you will find that in the examples your son brings up, the child in question is doing his part. Our son was not. Our son wanted: A duplex, so he could live in one side and rent out the other (and not have to work). Wanted for us to take out a second mortgage to set him up in a pizza franchise business. Wanted us to hire him as our contractor in the last house we built though he lived in a different state altogether and did not have a contractor's license or insurance, even in the state where he did live. Wanted us to pay for his S.O. textbooks (which we did ~ more than once) and, repeatedly, his rent. Give him a truck. Which we did. Let him move home again ~ this time with a S.O. and two children, one of whom is a bona fide difficult child already. Take one of his children to raise, along with difficult child son. When he is not berating us for not taking his children and raising them for him (while allowing him to live with us, too) difficult child son is berating me for being a bad mom and a terrible grandmother. difficult child kids seem to be master manipulators. They seem to know just where to strike, and they do strike. I am sorry this is happening to you, and to your son. I am so glad you found this site. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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