Will it ever end?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by exhausted, Sep 30, 2011.

  1. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    So our bright daughter is now enrolled in a GED program. She has taken 2 pretests and she aces them. She thinks she will take her real test in a few weeks. I tried to encourage her to get a little more tutoring because if she scores above 510 in all tests , she can actually get a community college scholarship. She got mad at me and said, "Nothing is ever good enough for you!"

    In the mean time, she has once again stollen from us(we give her nothing but the basics), trouble is we can't prove it. Past experience tells me that the police will do nothing. She was gone overnight last weekend after money was missing. She came home with her nails done and told us her friend did it for her birthday. We know that is not true. I don't see the signs yet, but I wonder if she is using pot again as she refuses her antideppresant.

    We keep stuff locked up-so not sure how she got what she got. Have had to change the locks on our family car and house (we dont give her a house key-doors are locked at 9:00). Unfortunatly, she spends a couple hours home alone now that she refuses to go regular school.

    We took her to the local Rape recovery center as they offer EMDR therapy for a very low fee. Our new insurance won't pay for it and it is very expensive. We hope this will help.

    My husband and son are done. They hardly speak to her. After 2 Residential Treatment Center (RTC) s , years of therapy, they just don't want to deal with her. I feel the weight of the world. She has never dealt with the trauma-the RTCs just have not done it according to the new therapist. Until that is done, she isn't going to get better. I hope she wants to deal with it. The men in my house don't understand. My husband even said, "She can just run away and never come home-I can't do this anymore" I get it-I feel the same frustration. I just can't give up. She is a minor, so not a choice.

    What hurts the most is the lack of remorse on her part. She will try to engage me in these horrible cyclical conversations (typical of borderline personality). When I just listen she esculates-" You don't care, you don't listen, blah, blah...." She does it most often in the car where I can't walk away. She blames us for everything, she justifies all her running away and poor choices, and on and on. She even uses this sophisticated, therapy lingo as she does it.

    A job? She has applied on- line to everything around here. They all have these tests-kind of personality things, that you take. I guess they have some formula, and they only interview those that "pass". So far she has had no luck. She says that's our fault because, we wont give her a bus pass, or let her get a drivers license so she can apply outside our area. Mmmmmm.wonder what she'll do about that?
    Sorry so long, just needed to vent.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I really feel for you. I think I would want to walk away too but, like you, I could never do that to my child especially a minor.

  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Living with the stress year in and year out is gutting. I understand wanting to say "I'm through". I wish I had some awesome suggestions but it sounds like you are doing the best you can do. Sending hugs and good luck wishes.DDD
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    No advice or words of wisdom, I'm afraid. Just (((hugs)))
  5. compassion

    compassion Member

    (((( )))) I have been dealing with manic daughter this week who forged 1600 dollars from our checking account. We did get it credited but she is obsessed with the spending spree,which is sx of both borderline and bipolar and so have to call bank and tell them I did not request a change of address for a credit card. I cannot reason with the unreasonable. I also will not help her get a car or driver's license due to the instability and lack orf sobriety. In my experience, the lack of remorse/insight is sx of disorders. I detatch and put the focus on protecting me.
  6. keista

    keista New Member


    Poor kid. I say that because I can relate 100% I have NEVER passed any of those stupid tests. Once I did get a job despite failing the test because the District Manager overrode the score. I only realized this once I became manager and was administering and and calling the scores in myself. The second I find out they're doing these type of tests, I stop the application process - why waste my time? She needs to go apply in person to small non-corporate businesses.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    As tricky as it is to be single with a difficult child, sometimes I feel so badly for people who are living with people who dont help or have different styles/views/whatever. I am sorry it is so hard for all of you. HUGS...
  8. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I'm sorry your hurting (and she is hurting). Hang in there. Glad she doesn't have a license or car. Hope the recovery center will help.
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Hopeing the EMDR helps but what I have been told is that it takes upwards of twenty sessions. My difficult child tried it. And yes it is very expensive. -RM