Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
will
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 659074" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Nij</p><p></p><p>SWOT, Cedar and I have been dealing with mother and sibling issues on the Watercooler thread with the words Cedar, and FOO problems. You raise many very important questions that raise even deeper questions. We are working on that thread together to find answers.</p><p>You need to remember that you are not like your mother. Having been raised by her, to complement and to serve her needs, you are different than she is.</p><p>Again, your hesitancy in separating yourself from her could stem from guilt or a belief that you do not deserve better, a sense of yourself which you developed in relationship to your mother. While this way of being could feel comfortable, it may not serve you or your best interests.</p><p></p><p>Think about participating in that thread. I feel sure that when you read about our experiences you will identify with them. </p><p></p><p>There is no right or wrong thing to do in terms of our relationships with aging parents. Each of us is different and our parents are different. At the same time, we need to recognize and acknowledge when our parents have deliberately hurt us. The goal is to act on the basis of the reality of our lives, not distorted by a sense of ourselves formed in relationship to highly inadequate and destructive parents and mistreatment by them.</p><p></p><p>My mother had 2 daughters. My mother many years ago did something very ugly and illegal involving the will of a family member. I chose to separate myself, my sister kept a relationship for many years. Eventually I built a relationship with my mother. When she was dying I cared for her. My sister chose to distance herself completely in the last 10 mos of my mother's life.</p><p></p><p>I tell you this because each person responds differently, even to the the same parent, and adult children change over time and according to circumstances. There is no right or wrong way to be.</p><p></p><p>What is wrong is that you have been wrongly, deliberately and cruelly treated by your mother. What makes it especially cruel, is that you have done your best to stand by her. What she is doing is abusive. You know this.</p><p></p><p>But you are left with all the questions that you began with. They are worthy, important and necessary.</p><p></p><p>The hope is that by naming and voicing the truth of our relationships with our mothers, we become aware of and capable of changing their toxic legacy in ourselves, especially with our children. Join us in trying to find answers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 659074, member: 18958"] Hi Nij SWOT, Cedar and I have been dealing with mother and sibling issues on the Watercooler thread with the words Cedar, and FOO problems. You raise many very important questions that raise even deeper questions. We are working on that thread together to find answers. You need to remember that you are not like your mother. Having been raised by her, to complement and to serve her needs, you are different than she is. Again, your hesitancy in separating yourself from her could stem from guilt or a belief that you do not deserve better, a sense of yourself which you developed in relationship to your mother. While this way of being could feel comfortable, it may not serve you or your best interests. Think about participating in that thread. I feel sure that when you read about our experiences you will identify with them. There is no right or wrong thing to do in terms of our relationships with aging parents. Each of us is different and our parents are different. At the same time, we need to recognize and acknowledge when our parents have deliberately hurt us. The goal is to act on the basis of the reality of our lives, not distorted by a sense of ourselves formed in relationship to highly inadequate and destructive parents and mistreatment by them. My mother had 2 daughters. My mother many years ago did something very ugly and illegal involving the will of a family member. I chose to separate myself, my sister kept a relationship for many years. Eventually I built a relationship with my mother. When she was dying I cared for her. My sister chose to distance herself completely in the last 10 mos of my mother's life. I tell you this because each person responds differently, even to the the same parent, and adult children change over time and according to circumstances. There is no right or wrong way to be. What is wrong is that you have been wrongly, deliberately and cruelly treated by your mother. What makes it especially cruel, is that you have done your best to stand by her. What she is doing is abusive. You know this. But you are left with all the questions that you began with. They are worthy, important and necessary. The hope is that by naming and voicing the truth of our relationships with our mothers, we become aware of and capable of changing their toxic legacy in ourselves, especially with our children. Join us in trying to find answers. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
will
Top